You Learn To Live Without || Chenzel Story

24. what if?

KRISTINS POV

I close the door to my dressingroom behind me and place my lips against idinas lips. I can feel her smile into the kiss and she obediently kisses me back. "I love you" is all I say after breaking off the kiss. "I love you too" she whispers leaving a kiss on my cheek. "Wanna grap a bit at my place tonight?" she says while I'm collecting my stuff. "sure, but I'll make you order sushi for me" she rolls her eyes and makes her way over to her own room. I switch off the light before closing my door. As soon as she finishes getting her stuff we stop at the stagedoor to sign some playbills and we get to the car. "I'll get you sushi, but I'm choosing" she states before starting the car. I just chuckle and look down on my phone while she drives us to her place.

As soon as we got to Idinas place we crashed on the couch. She is scrolling on her phone and I'm resting my head on her legs doing the same. "dee?" she looks up from her phone and nods. "What made you cross the line?" she puts down her phone on the side of the couch and looks at me. "What do you mean?" I sit up facing her. "I mean, what made you want to tell them? I mean you.. we.. uh it came out of the blue" I look down at my hands avoiding the look on her face. She sighs and puts her finger under my chin lifting it up. "Look at me, I love you okay. And I know it is out of the blue, but I want you. No I owe you at least to be mine at the place we trust the most. I'm not ready to go fully public and you know that. But our time will come. I felt like this was the right moment, the right spot and the right girl." she smiles and pulls me into a kiss. I can feel her deepen the kiss and I wrap my arms around her neck. My tongue brushes against her lips asking for access which is accepted willingly. She lets out a soft moan as I place my hand on her tight stroking up and down. The moment I slip my hand under her shirt the harsch sound of the doorbell sound throught the apartment making us both jump. "jeez, I'll never get used to that sound" she scoffs standing up from the couch. She makes her way over to the intercom to let the delivery guys in. On her way back she leans in for a quick kiss before walking into the kitchen to get some plates. "Can you get the door, I think the delivery guy is there" she yells from out of the kitchen making me smile. I get up from the couch and walk over to open the door. I pay the delivery guy and take over the bag with food. The smell of food fills the room and I put the bag on the dinertable. I take out the boxes and put them down on the table. Idina waks in with two glasses of wine and we sit own at the table. "let's toast on us" she says handing me the glass of wine. I just give her a smile and hold up my wine. "to us!" I speak and the jingling of the two glasses touching sounds through the kitchen. "Bon apetit!"

IDINAS POV

After diner we clean up and I put the plates in the dishwasher. It's a week day so we can't really drink. "you want to stay the night?" I ask causing Kristin to look up from her phone. "I'd love to but I have to go to Thunder. Tomorrow night okay?" she walks up to me and she kisses my lips. I nod before deepening the kiss. "not tonight dee" she whispers while breaking of the kiss. "I'm gonna go to Thunder and I will see you tomorrow okay?" she says while grapping her stuff. I just look at her and manage to give her a small smile. She pecks my lips before walking out of the door and leaving me alone in my own apartment. What if she never comes back? What if I scared her away from me? Was it the right thing to tell the others? What if she never loves me enough and leaves me just like he did?  I snap out of my own thoughts. "Idina no, stop that. Not again" I grap my unfinished glass of wine and start wandering around the livingroom. After a while I start freaking myself out and I sit myself down on the couch. Breathe in, breathe out Idina. It's okay. As soon as I finally calm myself down I lean back against the couch. I control my breathing and I slowly take a sip from my glass. The silence in my appartment is abruptly broken by the sound of my ringtone. My whole body tensed causing the wine spilling over myself. I walk over to get my phone and answer without looking "Hello? Idina Menzel speaking" I breathe out placing my glass on the table making an attempt to make the wine magically dissapear. "That's a formal way to pick up your phone" a low wounded voice sounds through my phone causing my whole body to freeze. "Taye" I whisper immediatly feeling the tears poke behind my eyes. "What do you want. We made a deal" I let out with an unsteady breath. "I just wanted to check in on you, dina" his voice speaking out the name he used to call me makes me feel sick. "I'm great, I'm fantastic, I've never been better" I spit out knowing it's all a lie. Then it hits me, I've been lieing. To everyone, to myself, to the cast, to the crew. But most importanly to the one I love the most, I've been lieing to Kristin. I'm not fine, I'm not okay, I'm not great and I surely am not fantastic. I try swallowing my tears but my body is just overloaded with emotions. I roughly wipe away the tears from my cheeks. "Why are you calling Taye" I say this time coming out more harschly. He chuckles and clears his throat. "See dina, just let me tell you something" his speaking is blurry which mean he has been drinking. Meaning everything he is going to say is going to hurt. Every word is going to hit me straight into my feeling because he doesn't care. "When you left me you took everything from me. You took everything I've ever had. It's all your fault" his voice is calm and low causing my blood to boil. "HOW, tell me HOW is it my fault. You slept with that woman. YOU did that, YOU cheated. Not me. You literally abused me, you forced me to stay with you. And you're tell me it's MY fault." the tears are streaming down my cheeks and my breath is far from under control. "You know what Taye.." I can't even finish my sentence because he interupts me. "No, YOU know what. It's what you deserved. You deserved to be treated that way. YOU walked in on me and you needed to learn the lesson. YOU are nothing more than the way I treated you.. You.." before he can finish the sentence I hang up on him. The words are bashing into my brain. I slowly lower myself to the ground resting my head against the brick wall. I let my head fall into my hands hoping it will stop the tears. Hoping it will stop the pain. Hoping it will all just go away. You deserved that. You are nothing more than the way I treated you. His words are roaming around in my head and I fel like my head is going to explode. I don't want to feel this pain, not again. Not anymore. Before I know I can feel myself pushing my nails into the palm of my hand while biting my down my jaw trying to release myself from the pain. I look down at the marks my nails leave and my eyes trail of to the phone on the ground. Call someone. Call someone before you fall back again. Call her, you need her. I clench my eyes trying to place my thoughts. "just do it, you can't fall back" is all I whisper to myself. "You can't need her. You can't"

Hiya loves,
I'm sorry for missing some upload days, but I'm here
I hope you like my story so far?
Thanks for all the reads, votes and comments <3
Xo Mel