𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄, 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄, avengers

𝘨𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘴

Chapter 49:
𝘨𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘴

TW: SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

IT FELT LIKE SHE COULDN'T BREATHE, or maybe that had to do with the fact that she'd just jump off of a building that was at least 20 stories up, if not taller. It was if it was all in slow motion, nonetheless.

This not how she thought she'd spend her Saturday evening. Not at all. She just wanted to go to sleep to at least try to fix her fucked up sleep schedule, even though she knew she wouldn't be able to go to sleep around 8 pm. Exhaustion wouldn't kick in for another 7 hours, and if she was really unlucky, until the sun started to rise. 

There were screams coming from below her, or was that coming from above her? She couldn't tell, they all seemed so distant. It couldn't have been Amy. She wouldn't be around for another 3 hours at least. Was is Rami and Justin? It couldn't be.

At this point, she didn't feel that scared about death at this point. It was natural, right? Of course, there was always that chain wrapped around her neck. It was made out of fear that was still instilled inside of her, keeping her from freely accepting the fate, even if she'd be at the brink.

Maybe she got it from her mother and her soul took that too seriously. The woman she looked up to was a level-headed woman (sort of) and stubborn as hell. Always hesitant to some offers when they felt wrong and hard to convince, especially when she'd already had her mind made up. 

Maybe she was just too stubborn to die.

(Y/N) was hating the fact that times were slowing down, but she could hear everything that was going on around her, wishing extremely for white noise. It would be silent at times  — way too silent, might I add — and the screams would then just continue. She felt way too calm about this until she realized that she was the one screaming.

Why am I screaming? she thought as she looked down. There was a crowd of people below her. Were they saying something? Screaming at her? Their mouths were moving but no sound was processing for her. 

Then, it felt as if her lungs welcome air once again as if before they were allergic and swollen as she gasped. Her hair fell past the sides of her face, ends of her touching the concrete sidewalk.

(Y/N) already knew who it was as she was pulled into someone's arms, after the lack of oxygen before, hardly acknowledging the shutters and flashes of cameras that went off.

''Are you out of your mind?" the teenage boy said from under the mask as he wrapped an arm around her waist and shot one of his webs towards a building, causing a yelp to come from (Y/N) as they were in the air again, wrapping her arms around his neck before she smiled at Peter. 

''Possibly.''

''You could've died!'' Peter exclaimed as they landed on a nearby rooftop. He took off his mask, revealing a worried expression on his face for the girl as he watched her walk and sit on the edge of the roof.

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders, dropping the bloodied pencil in the air. ''That was Plan B if Plan A didn't work out,'' she said as if it was nothing. ''Oh, and hi Karen!'' she said to the AI, getting some greeting from her after. 

Peter frowned, not only because she'd just jump off a balcony with a high chance of no survival if he wasn't there, but because she talked about her death as if it was just a light-hearted conversation.

''(Y/N), are you serious? What if you would've died?" he said, running his hands through curly brown hair. 

The teenage girl's eyebrows furrowed as she seemed to glare at something in front of her, but all of that was just average, lit up building like everything else on the block. 

''Then at least I would've gotten the job done this time,'' she mumbled, hoping Peter didn't hear her as the words fell out of her mouth effortlessly, but thanks to his enhanced hearing, he did. The brunet watched as she put her sweater-covered hands over her wrist, hiding them more than they already were. 

Peter didn't say anything as he finally noticed the end of the sleeves stained in blood, accompanied by the stench of it and alcohol, taking a seat next to her on the edge instead as the looked at the bright lights in New York.

''I was fourteen when I first tried, you know,'' she said, letting out a small laugh. "The last time, too. It did nothing. He stitched me right back up and I was just forced not to say a word because it would ''ruin our reputation'','' she said, quoting her words with her fingers. 

She pulled up her right sleeve, handing her arm over to Peter. She nodded as he looked at her questioningly. ''I'm not that ashamed of them that much anymore, I think. I just cover them most of the time.''

Peter's hands were a large contrast against her smooth skin. A little large than some of the guys she knew, and calloused as his fingers ran over the lighter rugged marks.

He mumbled something under his breath as he looked at them, eyes in a different place, and brows furrowed like (Y/N)'s were seconds ago. She tilted her head. ''What?"

''Aunt May used to work in a hospital, when Uncle Ben was around anyway,'' he said with a shrug of his shoulders, but she could see it still hurt him talking about him. ''She used to see people like you come in all the time,'' he said. (Y/N) raised an eyebrow at him as his eyes widened. 

''N-not like you you! There's no one like you! You're irreplaceable. Dang, I didn't mean to—'' (Y/N) cut off the flustered superhero with a small laugh. ''I know what you meant. Go on,'' she urged on politely. 

He sighed, a relieved smile on his face at her words. 

''She always said people like that, like you, were the strongest people this world had to offer. Stronger than superheroes, too because they knew what it was like to go through hell and back. God, sorry, the gods were watching over them,'' he said, correcting himself midway.

(Y/N) let out a hmph noise. ''Are you saying that Satan or the gods didn't want me?" she suggested. Peter shook his head quickly. 

''No! I'm sure Satan would love you!'' he exclaimed, eyes soon widening even more at his words. ''Not that Satan should!''

(Y/N) let out an even louder laugh, not minding if people walking by frown below heard her. ''I'm sorry. You're easy to fluster. I had to take the chance'' she chuckled, wiping away a solo tear. ''Adorable,'' she sighed. 

Peter rolled his eyes, a pink tint across his face and at the tips of his ears. ''But I'm serious, (Y/N),'' he told her, beginning to run his fingers over her wrist again.

''You deserve to be here despite whatever shit life throws your way, mind my language. Remember that okay?" he said solemnly, bringing her wrist to his lips to kiss the scars.

(Y/N) looked at him surprised, but didn't pull away. ''Do you have a scar kink or something? When and why did Peter Parker become such a romantic?" she mumbled, looking at the cars that drove by.

Peter hummed to himself at her words, placing another set of kisses on the golden glowing marks, a small smile appearing on his face.

''No reason.''

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

just to make something clear, i do not and will not romanticize suicide or self-harm in any way.

i appreciate and respect my babies and mamas who tried and are fortunately for still being here so much. i love you guys 💙

-babybluejeans