You and Me, Forever

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Disclaimer: THIS DOES NOT BELONG TO ME.

This is a converted imagine off of Tumblr. All credit goes to owner/ writer.

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Shawn's POV

This whole week has been a blur yet somehow has also managed to feel as though it's been three weeks. I've watched the same movie three times in the past five days and I only watch it for one particular part. There's just one part where I pay the utmost attention to the TV screen and watch wide-eyed. I can't describe why or how it makes me feel the way it does, but the fact that it makes me feel something is enough for me.

The constant rainfall outside doesn't help with my current state at all. However, I love laying in bed and closing my eyes, just listening to the sound of the rain drops hitting my window. There's something soothing to me about that sound. But again, I can't describe it.

Sitting in the shower is the one thing I can explain and describe perfectly. It's something I do all the time. Whenever I'm stressed, I turn the tap of the shower on extra hot so that when the water reaches me at the bottom of the shower, it's still hot.

At first, the tiles are cold and unwelcoming but soon, the warm water pools around me as I sit with my back pressed against the glass. I close my eyes and lean my chin up, feeling the hot water rushing over me, feeling as if it's taking my emotions with it, to travel down the drain.

When the shower is hot enough, the steam is so thick that I struggle to breathe properly. I always tell myself that this is a barrier between myself and the stress that's trying to consume me. I tell myself that I'll be okay, as I sit there, naked and vulnerable. I tell myself that I need to remember why I do what I do and who I do it for. I tell myself that it's not okay to lose myself to the demons in my head because so many people rely on my light inside of me to illuminate their own lives.

I'm laying on my bed, limbs sprawled out, my body feeling numb and empty, my mind unsure of what to bring forward into my consciousness next. I hear my bedroom door creak open and lift my head slightly. My head feels like it weighs double the amount it usually does, only allowing me to lift it up slightly. I feel sensations beginning to return to my extremities as I see one of my sources of light walk through my door. I lift myself up on the bed and move to lean my back against the bed frame.

Camila walks over to me, climbing onto the bed and sitting right beside me. She doesn't say anything and neither do I. Instead she leans in slightly and wraps her warm arms around my cold body. I feel myself sink into her touch as I begin to sob for the second time today. I clasp my hands onto her sweater, letting my face rest on her soft chest, her scent happily intruding my body.

She holds me so tightly, I feel as if she may be collecting all of the pieces of my fragmented heart and putting them together one by one. "You're okay." Camila whispers, breaking the deafening silence. I attempt to get myself together as I remove my hold on her. I keep my gaze on the bed, not wanting to meet her sympathetic eyes just yet.

"What's wrong with me?" I ask her, my weak voice coming out as a cry for help. She places a hand on either side of my face, leaning her forehead against mine. I squeeze a tear from my eye, watching it darken the sheet beneath me. "Nothing is wrong with you, Shawn. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" She says softly.

I try and think of what I can tell her. What can I say that will make sense of how I feel? How can I verbalise the emptiness and the numbness I feel? "I don't know. I don't know. I'm just a mess, I don't think anything will fix me. You don't deserve to waste your time on me, Camila." I say, trying to hold back the lump in my throat, knowing that if I were by myself right now, my chest would be heaving and I would be under the sheets, hiding myself and trying not to make too much noise. Her hands slowly drop from my face, resting themselves on my shoulders.

Camila pulls back the covers and slides under, signalling for me to join her. I slide my numb body down until our faces are close and our bodies are facing each other. "I would rather spend forever trying to help fix you, than spend a lifetime without you. Okay? Let me help you, Shawn. Let me in." She says, getting choked up towards the end of her last sentence. I take a deep breath in, placing my hand in her hair and twirling it around my finger.

"I just...sometimes these feelings just overwhelm me. And, and I don't know how to turn them off. And they scare me. They scare me so much, Camila." I give in to my sobs as my feelings and words dance around in my brain, jumbling themselves up as if they are cards being shuffled. She hugs me again, her body heat radiating onto mine. The way she holds me, makes me feel as if there are healing powers to be found in her arms.

"Shawn, I need you to remember how it feels when you perform on stage. I need you to remember the feeling when you walk in the door of this house to see your family smiling at you. Remember how people sing the songs you've written back to you. Remember how many lives you save on a day to day basis just by being you. I need you to remember how strong you are." Camila says, her voice showing confidence despite the tears welling in her eyes. She gently kisses my lips that are salty from my tears. I wrap my arms around her waist, not ever wanting to let go. "I think if I remember that I have you, I'll know I'm safe, that I'm okay." I say, looking into her glassy eyes. "You'll always have me, Shawn. I'll always be trailing behind you to pick up the broken pieces you leave behind." She says with a tender smile.

Looking at her radiating beauty and charity and safety makes my heart feel at ease. I hadn't noticed that my body temperature had returned back to normal or that my eyes had finally dried up. All I noticed was that I belonged to and possessed the most kindhearted and beautiful girl to ever roam on this earth. And she was all I needed right now. She was all I needed to get out of the darkness.

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