You and Me, Forever

If I Can't Have You [1]

ꫝડꪀꫝꪶ𝕥ꪶρ𝕫ꪑ

It has been an exciting night for Shawn, and it was obvious he wouldn't be spending the evening alone. His closest friends all gathered up in his New York condo to celebrate the debut of his new single, If I Can't Have You. It's not a wild party, more like a friendly gathering with some drinks, food and laughter. He loves nights like this, surrounded by his best mates, making some memories while building his career at the same time.

They waited together for the song to officially come out, counting down the last seconds as if it was New Year's Eve, and then they all cheered to another hit song by him. Now he is sitting on the couch, listening to Brian sharing a story that happened a few years ago, his tattooed hand is gently gripping the neck of his beer bottle, a wide grin on his face. A round of laughter follows Brian's story and Shawn chugs down the last few gulps of his drink, gets up and heads to the kitchen to get another one. It's almost two am, but he doesn't feel tired, he landed in New York two days ago and will be rehearsing for Saturday Night Live this week which is a thrilling thought to him. He is beyond excited to be back on that stage since his last appearance and it's also going to be the first time he will perform the new song live.

"I told you the song will do well," Teddy smiles at him sitting on the countertop. Shawn chuckles nodding his head as he grabs another beer and opens it using the edge of the counter, earning a surprised look from her on his bottle opening technique.

"Yeah, you are always right," he smiles at her taking a sip from the drink and leaning against the counter next to her.

They both watch the group of people in the living room, now Andrew is telling a story probably about Brian, making the guy blush by his words. It's for sure an embarrassing story, which is not hard to find about Brian, he has quite a lot to be honest. Shawn smiles at his friends taking another sip, but he can't help but feel like something is missing.

Or someone.

He slides his phone out of his back pocket and as the screen lights up hundreds of notifications flood into his sight. Texts, comments, tags from all kinds of apps, everyone wants to tell him how amazing the new song is, but as he scrolls down a bitter feeling crawls up his spine when he sees none from her.

"Will you ever tell me who this girl is?" Teddy questions, bringing Shawn's attention back to reality.

"What girl?" Shawn asks, but the small smile on his lips tells it all and Teddy knows him better than to fall for his little lies.

"Do you really expect me to believe that there is no girl? Come on. I know that If I Can't Have You is about the same girl you wrote Where Were You In The Morning about. I'm just curious who this chick is, turning you down and then managing to make you get all worked up about her."

Teddy gives him a knowing look before taking a sip from her wine. Shawn can't help but chuckle as he puts his phone down to the counter and crosses his arms on his chest.

"I heard that the less you talk about it the easier it'll get, but it's kind of not working for me." A tired sigh leaves his lips as his gaze moves down to the floor.

"Well no shit, man. You've been writing songs about her for more than a year now!" She points out the obvious, making him smile nervously. "Do you still talk to her?" she then asks.

"Haven't talked to her in a few weeks. I was hoping she would reach out after the song, but nothing so far."

The last time they talked it got kind of awkward. It has always been Shawn who gave everything in, playing with open cards, flirting nonstop with her, but Camila is just different. She has always been so good at distancing herself from him just when he thought things would take a turn, but the worst part is that he can't even blame her. Camila told him that she is not ready for it, not once, not twice, many times. This is why she disappeared the morning after they hooked up that night after meeting at a party. But Shawn just hasn't been able to get her off of his mind, no matter how hard he tried and he is left with the songs written about her, most of them she might never even hear, but this one made it out to the world, but it still didn't bring her back.

"Maybe she just hasn't heard it. Not everyone stays up all night just to hear your songs," Teddy tries to console him, putting an arm around his broad shoulders and she rests her head on his shoulder for a moment before hopping off of the counter.

"If it's meant to be she'll find her way back to you," she adds before leaving him alone and joining the rest of the group in the living room.

Shawn takes a sip from his beer thinking about her words. How does he know it's meant to be and that he should just wait? He can't stick around forever and just wait for something that might never happen. It's slowly consuming him, she is already always on his mind, it might get worse if he lets it go further.

Putting the beer down he grabs his phone and opens his texts. He scrolls past all the new ones not wanting to deal with them right now, until he finally finds her name and opens the conversation. The last text was sent by him two weeks ago and she left it on read. He reads back some of the messages before opening the keyboard and letting his fingers linger over it.

He wants to write something, but he doesn't know what exactly. He is just aching to hear anything from Camila, it doesn't have to be about the song, a simple text about her day would already make him the happiest man alive.

As he keeps debating, suddenly a text appears on the screen, but he didn't send anything, it's from Camila.

"Back at it again with writing songs about me, Mendes?"

It's short, it's simple, it's pretty witty and quirky, just like how he imagined her reaction.

He doesn't want to miss the chance to talk to her so he responds hoping Camila still has her phone around her.

"Who told you it's about you? You're so full of yourself..."

For a moment he regrets sending it, afraid Camila might not get the playful tone of it, but when the response arrives all his doubts vanish.

"Oh, so awkward. I almost asked if you would play it live, but I guess it's not relevant anymore..."

"I could play it to you anyway. When do you wanna hear it?"

"Are you free tomorrow?"

Shawn quickly thinks through his schedule for the next day and texts her back.

"My place at 8?"

"See you there."

ꫝડꪀꫝꪶ𝕥ꪶρ𝕫ꪑ