Words Of An Idle Mind

Inside Out

Disgust. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Joy.

It started with Disgust-
I hated your presence around me as you made fun of me in front of an entire crowd, a crowd I didn't know,  a crowd who didn't know you, but the funny one scored a point from them.
What a way to ruin my first impression!
I worked hard, dedicatedly, and all you did was make jokes, ruin my hair,  and step on my sandals under which I wore socks (I agree it deserved to be made fun of, but not in front of the entire crowd!)
I hated you. I disgusted people who loved to step on someone else's quirks, making them feel as though being themselves is not enough.
What an ass!

We moved on to Fear-
Fear, that crept in after months of friendship, knocking on my door in the form of a crush. But there wasn't just one fear. Fear had siblings, each with a different personality.  The oldest of them all was fear of rejection. Whoops! Here is a warning for heartbreak! Beware! Then came fear of a lost friendship, a fear that I had more encounters with than I can remember and I did not like it's company. The fear of heartbreak,  the fear of acceptance, the fear of breaking rules (both, the ones set by society and by myself too).

Then Anger made his grand entry-
And I liked it's company. It helped me express my confusion for the choices you made. You choose to not choose me, even when you wanted to, all for a certain kind of 'freedom' you were too proud to loose. This anger kept us afar, at bay from each others storming seas, because if we collided, who knew what tsunami we would bring. Anger made me realize that we can't understand people's choices sometimes, and that frustration of not understanding, it leads to a chaotic revelation of every mind's shortcomings, and no one wants to know their flaws.

But then, it changed skins with Sadness-
I later realized that I mistake one for the other quite a lot, Sadness and Anger I mean.
The blissful times we spent together, they made me feel the presence of Sadness in the form of memories. Sadness was always there, right from the moment of our first fight, to the time you decided to not be together anymore. Sadness was watching it all, just like it was watching all the happy memories, knowing very well, how painful they will be in future.
Sadness made me cry, and whine, and throw fits that no one else was allowed to see, because if they saw them, theu would pity me. And I had had enough pity growing up.
Sadness knew what you were to me,  it wanted me to accept the truth, but frankly, I was happy with Anger and the energy and fuel it gave me, unlike sadness who made me feel helpless.

I found Joy suddenly-
I had been Joy from a time even before the movie existed. I had been Joy, and you loved me for that. A mere cosplay was enough to bring my inner Joy to light for everyone to see. But just like she was lost in the movie, I was lost for sometime too. I forgot to find my way back. No worries though, I found Joy, smiling at the memories and being proud of who I was, I am, and who I am becoming. Joy put a hand in my shoulder telling me to be happy with what I have right now - A rollercoaster ride on the journey of growth and self-discovery. I got to know what I want, what I didn't, what I could become, and what I would absolutely detest if I turned into.

Joy sometimes gets lost, but Disgust, Fear, Anger and Sadness bring it around, never leaving any of the 5 behind.