I've Got A Feeling

Chapter Six

In spite of all the danger
In spite of all that may be
I'll do anything for you, anything you want me to
If you'll be true to me

I sat at my bed with my notebook in front of me, jotting down any form of lyrics I can think of. What could I say to a bird? Well, what could I say to anyone really? For a reason unexplained my mind went to John, tugging a smile to my lips.

I'll look after you
Like I've never done before
I'll keep all the others from knocking
At your door

I raced downstairs, happiness filling my bones. "Before you ask John can't come over because it's a school night. Now get to bed." I sighed. "Yes dad." I sauntered back up the stairs into my room to see my songbook wide open when I had kept it closed. "Michael!" "What?" "I told you not to go looking in my stuff!" "Who said I did it?" "I know dad wouldn't look through here!" "Boys can it!" "Yeah." He stuck his tongue out at me. "Oh you're gonna pay for this one." Dad must have heard me still. "James leave your brother alone." "Yes father."

I closed my bedroom door and let out a sigh. I just want to see him, y'know? He would be able to help me with lyrics like this. I ran a hand through my still slick and wet hair when an idea sprouted. I slipped on a jacket, quietly opening my window to make sure it doesn't creak. I stepped outside and closed it down to the slightest crack so I could open it back again. I started waking in the streets when images of John appeared in my mind. A warm feeling in my stomach and the adrenaline pumping through my veins forced my legs to start running. Please be awake.

I noticed a ladder on their front porch so I grabbed it and walked to the back of the house. I climbed up the ladder with caution and lightly tapped on the window. There he was, messy hair with trousers and no shirt. I felt my cheeks heat, saliva inching towards the front of my mouth. He also had glasses on, making him look a little more like Buddy Holly. I finally saw him get up and gaze into my eyes. "Paulie, we've talked about this." My cheeks turned an even darker shade at the sound of his voice. "I know b-but, I have, uh-" "A song?" Way to go for stuttering McCartney. I slid a hand through my hair. "Yeah." I felt the corners of my mouth being pulled up. "Well come on, I don't want you to fall or freeze to death." I took his hand into mine, my heart beating out of its chest.

"So, what is it this time? Are you just showing or do you need help?" "Uh, well, kind of b-both." Oh my god I will slap myself if you don't stop! "Are you okay Macca?" "Y-yeah just fine." "Okay, let me see." His hand brushed up against mine, making my stomach flutter. He looked intently at the off-white pages with dark grey marks. The tip of his tongue was sticking out vaguely, making me stifle a giggle. "What're you laughing at Macca?" "Nothing." Silence filled the room as I let out a sigh. I noticed he had Elvis records spilled all over the place with Buddy Holly ones as well. "So uh, what do you think?" "Well, I think that they're nice, but I don't know if I could help with the lyrics. I write abstract poems, not lyrics. They're two different things." "Oh, okay. I just thought maybe...." He lifted his finger onto my chin, forcing me to look into his beautiful brown eyes. "Macca, why are you here?" "I wanted to show you my song-" "Paul, why are you actually here?"

I realized I was fidgeting with my fingers when I looked down to avoid his stares. My breath was strangled by my diaphragm as I opened my mouth to speak. "Paul, please speak to me." My hands were shaking. "Fine. I just, I have other friends, but they're not like you. You listen, you don't make fun of my looks all the time, I'm aloud to be just.....me." I felt a pat on my shoulder. "I know. I feel the same. Do you really have to go?" "Yeah, if I don't want to be scolded by my dad." "But it's the middle of December. You'll freeze." I saw the pout he was giving me. "I'll see you soon enough okay? After New Years most likely." "That's so far Paulie." "I-I know J-John. I'll see you shortly though tomorrow after school." "Okay. Bye Paul." "Bye."

I cursed myself as I made my way down the ladder and onto the ground. It was pitch black outside with only a few street lights on so it was hard to see. Nonetheless I started walking home until I saw John run out his front door. "Wait, let me walk you home." "That's really not necessary-" "Pleeease." "John, no." "Fine then. See ya tomorrow."

My calves burned as I pounded with each step, soon collapsing by my slightly opened window. "It's just a dream Paul, wake up. Come on, wake up. Wake up!" Pangs of electricity danced across my face as I fell onto my bed. I'm not queer. I'm not queer, I'M NOT QUEER! I felt my heart racing, a warm feeling entering my soul. It wasn't happiness but a variant of sorts. I soon pulled the covers over my head, feeling tears run down the sides of my face.

Oh my god.

A/N: I hope you like what I did at the end. If you didn't I understand. I am absolute shit when it comes to writing filler chapters and things, but can do amazing scenes for important stuff at least in my opinion. But there will be some exciting stuff next chapter so you just have to be patient with me. I appreciate every single one of you reading this fan fiction and I hope you are doing well wherever you are in the world and I am sending internet hugs your way.

Peace and Love

Edit: I changed the last part of the chapter for those of you who already read it. I realized it's not going to work in my story line if it ended the way it originally did. Anyway, I'm hoping to get an update out within the next few days this week. My sleep schedule needs help honey. Like I said before, you'll want to be here for the next one. Sorry for any inconvenience, I just really needed to not go crazy

Peace and Love

- Dazed