I've Got A Feeling

Chapter Eight

Ugh, this class blows. "Are you paying any attention Mr. Lennon?" "Yer a swine." "Watch it Lennon! One more word out of you and I'll write you up!" They always say that but never do it. "Yer a fookin' swine." He whipped around to glare at me. "I said watch it!" "It wasn't me! I promise. I can't say the same insult twice in a row. It's wrong." "Well then who did it?!" The room was as silent as the lambs. I turned around to see Sutcliffe muster a wink at me by lifting down his shades. Heat rose to my cheeks and I rapidly turned back around so he wouldn't be able to see it.

"Alright Lennon, to the headmaster!" "But I did-" "Now!" I sighed, knowing that Mimi would be informed about it before I got home. "Wait! Sir, it was me, please don't punish him." "Is this true?" "Stu, you don't have to do this." I felt the hair on my neck rise as I felt his hot breath with a soft voice. "Yes I do John." "Really, it was me sir. I'll be on my way." "No, it was me. Stop lying John." "I don't care who it was, John to the headmaster's office now!" I looked back to see Stuart's gaze at me. "See ya later mate."

I sat in there for two hours doing nothing while class was going on. I thought about what I was going to do after this hell is over. "John? Lennon?" "Huh?" "You may leave." "Thanks." My knees felt sore as I stretched since they were folded all of that time. I grab stuff to take home and walk outside to see Stu dragging a cigarette. It looks so hot right now, not going to lie. God, why am I like this? I like girls, yet I have not one but TWO crushes on blokes. The universe must really want to see me rot in hell. "Hey." "Lennon, you're here. I was waiting for you." "Oh, you didn't have to." My hands started to shake with embarrassment. "Care for a hit?" "Sure." I pulled out my pack and he carefully lit the other side as I placed it into my mouth. The toxic fumes filled my lungs, relieving every ball of stress in my stomach.

"You didn't have to do that." "Do what?" "Cover for me. I would have been fine John." "Oh, that. I needed to cover for you, you're my best mate, it's what we do. Besides, everyone thinks it's me anyway. Y'know, it's just my personality really." Another drag, longer this time. "John, what's going on? You're not you, I know my John and this is not it. He doesn't cover for other people, he's an ass who knows what he wants and he's going to get it no matter the consequences." "I'm fine Stu, really I am." He got closer to me. "C'mon Johnny, you can tell me." "D-Don't call me that. Only Paul calls me that." "Fine, just tell me what's wrong." I could almost feel his annoyance at the mention of his name. "There's nothing wrong Stu, I'm fine." I dropped my cigarette. "You've gone soft, I can't believe this. Who's the bird, huh?" "No one. You don't know her, different school." I technically didn't really lie, Paul and I go to different schools. "C'mon I won't make fun." His voice lowered. "Is it a bloke?" "Oh come off it, of course not." "Is it?" "Oh fuck off." "So it is." "No! Why would it be? You know how many birds I've been with!" "But have you ever been in love?" I froze, unable to mutter words.

"Well, have you?" I couldn't say yes but I couldn't say no either because then he would be right about me being queer. I opened my mouth but the chords in my vocals have been cut off. I stared off at the ground, feeling the cold wind course through my bones. Seeing little patches of bare ground. I almost felt his breath on me. My heart was practically beating out of my chest. "No. I haven't. There, I said it." "You haven't?" "I push away everyone who tries to love me, it's a defense mechanism y'know?" "Look, John. Look at me." I felt his rough finger under my chin as we made eye contact. "If you have feelings for a bird, I won't care. If you have feelings for a bloke, I won't care. If you do for both, I won't care. In the end you're still my mate, you should be able to love whoever you please." Stuart Sutcliffe. The man who isolated queers to make a little joke here and there. The man who called other people pansies when they did something out of the gender normality. He just said I can love whoever I want and won't tell anyone.

"I...." "What?" "I...have to get home. Mimi's probably worried about me." "Oh, okay. Let me walk you home then." "No that's, quite alright actually." "Well, I guess see ya 'round." "See ya 'round. Oh, remember, practice tomorrow at seven." "Got it. Wait!" I turned around to see him press his lips on my cheek. I saw his hesitation before he repeated but on the opposite side. "Just a um, little French gesture I picked up a while ago. Bye John." "Bye." Heat rose in my body as I watched him run off into the spring air.

Shit.

A/N: Dazed here. So this is another filler chapter that I finished up a couple hours ago when I felt creative, and I honestly can't write fillers for shit. If my life depended on it, I would be standing in front of a higher power right now being judged of my life on earth. Anyways, I might not update for a little bit of time because I need to focus on my other fandoms and things :) I hope you guys understand. I'll tell you exactly what it is since I can. I need to listen to the last three Led Zeppelin albums, I need to seriously reconnect with the Mothership Queen and I need to get back into Hamilton and In The Heights. (I don't have Disney+, so no I haven't watched Hamilton yet.) So I might take a break but we'll see because I always need my creative juices flowing. But if I don't update for a bit that is my reason. Also I want to wish Brian Harold May the happiest birthday I can give him these days. ;) Sorry I'm weird. Anyways, ✌🏿❤️