I've Got A Feeling

Thirty Three

"Ready?" "Never, but I have to let you do this. For us." I saw the hurt in Paul's face, me wanting to take that away. I know that this situation doesn't make sense, but it will in time. I felt anxiousness stir within my stomach, me squeezing his hand one last time. "Are you alright Johnny?" I wanted to give up right then and there hearing him say my name. I couldn't do this, I can't leave the man I love and gave my soul to. But sometimes we have to do things we don't like or want to do. We became one today, we can't be ripped apart. But that's the thing, we are, thread by thread. Stuart is ripping our love apart for a week. Tears threatening to leave my eyes, I kissed Paul's hand one last time. "Oh John, it's gonna be okay. You said so, y-you said y-yerself that, that this'll end faster than it starts." Great, now we're both cryin'. And it's because of me and my stupid mouth. "Yeah, we- we're gonna be just fine. Just, let me do this one last time before you give me away."

I cupped his face and kissed him softly, gently biting his lip. He pulled me in unexpectedly, heating up our kiss, slipping his velvet tongue into our snog. I slid my hands into his hair, tugging at the ends, hearing a subtle moan from me boyfriend. I pulled away, gasping for air and my lungs relieved. I saw a look of hurt in his face, so I attacked him in one final embrace, feeling the smile spread across him adorable face. "I'll be back here with you in a week's time, okay?" I wanted to hug him as he bowed his head down and mumbled. "Okay, love."

I felt a pair of eyes on me as I entered the building. Those dark and mysterious eyes. Stuart fucking Sutcliffe. Those eyes that would own me for a week. My heart beat faster, getting anxious as to whether or not he would speak to me quite yet. Luckily I didn't have time to think as he mildly gripped my wrist, trying to pull me away. "Can we talk, or is that one over there gonna try and stop me?" He said it in an almost malicious way, but I didn't want to snap at him this early on. I looked back at my mate and lover to see if he was okay. We can practically read each other's minds by now, so he knew what I was asking. He wistfully gave a meek nod, his eyes speaking in piles of paradoxes. I sent back an apology, but I saw he just brushed it off. It hurt a bit, but I know that he's trying to not let it get to him, but it's creeping through. I was literally and figuratively pulled back into reality when I felt me mate tug on my wrist. "Here, why don't we go somewhere more private, shall we?" I timidly nodded, not being able to speak properly. He led me to the back of the place, where surely no one would see unless if you were sneaking purposefully. Finally, I felt the right words come to me. "Stuart, I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Ever since I knew what these were. But I don't know if I can do this if yer just tryin' to play a joke on me or just want to experiment. What I'm trying to say is-"

I felt warm lips encased in mine, the smell of aftershave prominent. My heart beat faster, the feeling of someone close to me making me giddy. Stuart cupped my face, and I let myself go, kissing him back in a forceful way. "I know John. I'm not playin' any sick or practical joke on ye. I just want you. Not anything else, for this time we have is so short. Let me love you, John." "You've never been this way with me, always hard and never bothered." Butterflies ran in my torso as I heard his final words before softly kissing me again. "Sometimes you have to let down yer guard for the people that mean the most."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hurt me to see Stu look at John that way, John's not his boyfriend! But I can't do anything about it. I just have to let it pass by, like most things in life. Tears brim my eyes as I sit, wasting time talking to Pete and George as I critically overthink this. I feel powerless. I made a mistake by turning back to see just like Orpheus did, John vanishing from sight like Eurydice. Regret boils underneath my skin as anxiousness swells my brain, water clouds my vision as I see Stuart kissing John. It brings me back to a couple of years ago, when all I was to John was an unrequited love. I was planning on telling John about me feelings that night, but reality loves to play jokes. Just seeing those hands on the person that I love with all of my heart sickens me. "Macca, are you okay? Your lip is bleeding." I was pulled out of my daze when it hit like a flash that my bottom lip was damp with blood. "Excuse me for just a moment please." "I can get a cloth-" "I said I'll be fine!"