I've Got A Feeling

Twenty Nine

"I love doing this with you."

"Me too, Paulie."

Since that night Paul and I have tried to spend every single waking moment together and I cannot complain. The whole rest of the lads wanted to go out, so we were walking with them. Until I decided that enough was enough and I was gonna hold his fucking hand damnit. The look that he gives me throws me off every time. I feel so smitten and in love. Nobody and nothing in this world matters except him. My face actually started to ache just now from how wide I'm smiling and blushing red. He amazes me and I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't forced his lips onto me that one warm August night. I can't imagine my life without him in it, and my heart pounds vigorously when I wake up in the morning and see he's still asleep, his face so calm and graceful. The best thing is that they haven't even noticed how far behind we are. I touched his nose, my stomach going wild at the sound of his giggle.

"You're such a wanker, but I love you for it." His long eyelashes, hazel eyes, eyebrows, and plump pink lips that not one person can resist. "Well, glad to know that, my lovely maiden." We stared into each other's eyes, never a blink, words forever something that is not an issue. "You can kiss me y'know." I spoke softly, not wanting to hurt his precious ears. "Oh, her majesty has given me an order. I must go my love." We both gingerly snickered before I gently brushed his lips. He pulled me down like a rope and I was caught off guard by his attack of a kiss. He cupped my face, not wanting to let go, and me grazing my hands over his hips. We both pulled away, him letting out a whimper.

"Don't do this John." "Paul, we have to catch up, don't want George to buy out the place do we?" "Fair point." But I wanted to taste him again, so I pulled him in through the waist and nibble on his bottom lip. "J-John, we should- oh fuck it." Paul went full force on me, and I didn't hate it. I could smell his cologne that he packed and it made me want to go back to our room more. We were both panting for air, too stubborn to just cut it short and breathe. "Okay, now we can go." He always knew how to tease me and push my buttons. "Wanker." He winked back at me and I felt warmth within myself.

I love you so much. You've made me fall, and I'm fine with that. I'm in love and I don't care. For the first time in my life.

We began walking towards the rest of the group, hand in hand and more in love than ever. I hate that we have to keep this a secret, but the world doesn't accept us as we are. But who lives by the rules anyway? The law is the one that should change, not us for who we are. Honestly though, I'm majorly afraid of Stuart. I know, it's idiotic. But we keep getting into these fights and one of us ends up storming away, and I know he still loves me. It would break him if he found out. There was shouting in front of us but luckily they didn't turn around. "Ye guys comin' or not?! Y'know I could just as easily eat out the restaurant! I'm fucking starving!" I saw Paul sigh as he let go of my hand to run up to our lead guitarist. Damnit George! You couldn't just give us one moment alone? I'll give him a bird and then we'll talk.

"Chicka ferdies. You couldn't have run faster?!" I swear one of these days I'm gonna punch George for his attitude when he doesn't have food to snack on. "Pipe down virgin we're 'ere aren't we?" I snapped back. I saw from the corner of my eye the glare Paul was giving me. I mean I love the guy, but can't I joke around? We've already had the talk about not joking about George's virginity status. We all were just joking, it's not bullying. Sometimes it feels like we could already get married since we talk like it. I mean, you've gotta know the person for a long time, and I have known Paul for what? Coming on three years now? God, has it been that long? It seems like only yesterday we were back at my place, writing shite. I was about to sit down when Stu pulled me aside and whispered to me. "Look, I'm sorry alright? I won't leave you out again. Now would you sit by me?" "Fine." My love was going to sit by me when he flung out of sight.

"Nope, yer sittin' by me. Not after what happened last time." "George-" "I said by me!" I couldn't help but laugh. George from the beginning has complained and fussed that Paul babies him, yet he's the one mothering my Macca. If worst comes to the worst, he would be the one we'd have to tell. Hell, he probably thinks we're queer just from the way he can read people.

Time had passed and George was stuffing his face to the maximum as usual, me conversing with Sutcliffe like nothing happened between us and casually taking bites and sips of food and drink. "But, yeah. She's a really cool bird and I think you guys would like her. She's really artsy and has short hair, kind of like yours John." "Oh shove it. My hair isn't that bad-" I shifted my attention over to my dearest and saw how uncomfortable he seemed. His face was paling and he hadn't touched a single thing he had ordered. I could hear Hazza asking him something, but it was very faint. Like if he's made his move on me or- OH MY GOD! I FUCKING CALLED IT. He's gonna give Paul a heart attack!

I excused myself from my spot and tapped Paul on the shoulder. He seemed to calm down a level, but I can still see the fear in his shaky hands. "Geo, could you move? I need to talk to Paul for a moment." "But I'm eating-" "Move yer ass out of the seat or I'll get you deported. Clear?" He gulped in fear. I didn't want to be so forceful about it, but Paul needs me. "Yeah, I'll be out for a smoke."

I wrapped my fingers around his, hand colder than snow. His breathing is staggered, me giving his hand two squeezes to ask if he's okay. Tears brimmed in his eyes and he whispered into my ear. "Not here. I-I can't do this." I lead him outside, having to let his hand go so nobody would see. I had to stifle a laugh as George ran back inside to eat his food before I would be coming back. "Macca, what's wrong?" "H-he asked if anything had happened between us a-and I froze. I-I can't l-let him know." I took hold of his hand again. "That's why I'm here, love." "I-I k-know. But I-I c-can't." I could hear his breathing quicken as he continued to panic. I rapidly pulled him into my embrace, rubbing his back. "Love, it's gonna be okay. You don't need to panic. I'm here and I always will be." Tears fell onto my coat but I just left them, he needs to be comforted more than my jacket needs tending to. "Thank you John." "For what?" "For being here, for me." "Any time at all Paulie, that's what I've said. Any time at all I'll be here for you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night had carried on as usual, us performing for several hours and tearing our voices apart, then drowning in alcohol, one person having to stay sober to baby the rest of us. But tonight I don't wanna do that. I just want to be with my love. The entire show I gazed at him, almost drooling from his drop dead body and face. Smiles shared, and us getting to share a mic just this one time.

"You gonna go and have a drink, love?" I grinned, noticing his hesitation to use pet names as he whispered to me. "No, not tonight. They can get as buzzed as they want. Tonight is for Macca." It took him a little, but he finally got the hint. "What?- ....Oh......"

We practically ran into our room, sharing little grins and laughs. "Are you okay Johnny? You look awfully red." "I'm just drunk, on you my love." "Well, I'm high on you Johnny." It was hard to say who attacked the other first, but I'm pretty sure it was me. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, giddy to be with him alone and this close. He feels so soft and tastes like rock and roll. I moved my hands to his hips, pulling him closer to me, wanting nothing more than to rip those bloody trousers off of him. I gasped when I felt his hand grip my ass, but I cannot say I tore away. The feeling in my pants and trousers was getting unbearable, and I want him so bad.

"OH MY GOD!- WHAT THE HELL?"