I've Got A Feeling

Fourty Seven

October 1962

"C'mon John, you have to get going!" I hear a female voice calling from the room over as I bury my head further into my pillow to drown out the world. "But why? It's not like we're going to get much done today anyway!" Nonetheless, I manage to pull the weight of my limbs out of bed and standing upright. Rubbing my eyes so rough that all I can see for a few seconds is fragments of colors, the slight burning stops and I open the door to a hole where my clothes hang and sit all jumbled up when I was supposed to fold them. "You never know, Johnny. You might actually get to record something good today if you stop messin' about during the sessions." "I don't mess around when we're recording." She placed her hand on her hip, raising one of her dark eyebrows at me with half a face of makeup on. "What?! I don't." "Yeah, sure. It's like you ignore the fact that the other boys like me more than you." Damn, I forgot that her and Geo got on well for some reason. Kinda like him and Astrid. She better watch out.

"Ah yes, you talk to those little wools, I forgot." I laugh to myself as she throws a suit at me to catch. "You were pretty close to Paul for a long time John, I wouldn't be pointin' fingers. By the way, what happened to you two anyway? It seems like you freeze whenever I mention inviting him over to see how we jazzed up the place." I felt the tendons in my fingers shake from that name I freeze from merely hearing someone roll off their tongue, sweat accumulating underneath my fringe. "I-It's a long story, and I gotta get going as ye said." Her soft hand grazed my shoulder as I gripped the bathroom door handle, attempting to pull me back into a treacherous nightmare. "John."

"Yes, love?" I ask moronically, closing my eyes in prayer that she'll lift her delicate hand off of my shoulder and let me take a shower. "I'm not leaving until my question is answered." She replied, crossing her arms in annoyance at my attempts of avoidance. "Look, we've known each other long enough for you to stay out of my business, and my relationship with that wanker is one of those things." I saw a sigh escape past her lips as she turned away to straighten out the sheets on the bed.

"I just think that if we have to be in this relationship, we should get to know each other a bit better than what we did a few years ago when we first went out." "That's the thing. This isn't a relationship, this is one of my worst nightmares to ever happen." I decided just to slip the suit on, since Martin and Epstein are gonna be on my hide if I'm more than five minutes late. "You think I wanted this?! You think I want to have to be in this "relationship", or whatever it is? I don't, John. The only reason we're in this mess is because of-" "Don't you dare say it!" I opened the door to see a set of bronze shaded eyes gazing back at me, lifted up by soft cheekbones and framed by long, blonde hair that reminds me of Astrid's.

My lungs felt pressed in the longer I stared into them, just that one thought running through my brain making acid from my stomach slide up, forcing it back down into the pits of hell where it belongs. "Why not? It's only going to get worse, and not even for you. I'm the one that has to deal with it!" "Just, don't say it. It makes it worse." I flipped my gaze to the mirror, so I could comb back my pillowcase hair into a cleaner style. "How much worse can this get?!" I sighed, adjusting one last piece in the back that just didn't seem to lay flat. "Lots."

"I have to give up my free time, my energy, and most importantly my job. No one despises this situation more than me. And it's not like you're easy to live with either!" "Well then what would you want to do?!" I snap, feeling the weight of the world crashing onto my shoulders as I bend down to slip on my shoes. "Maybe we could conjure up some money and courage to just go to the doctor, and deal with it." "No, 'm not doin' that." "You don't want to stick this out but you don't want to leave. Either continue with your childish antics, or grow up and be a fucking adult about this!" Blood rose in my cheeks as I saw her walking away angrily to apply more makeup on and leave for her day job.