I've Got A Feeling

Twenty Seven

August 17th, 1960

"I can't believe we're actually, here." "I know, it's shit." I stared in amazement at my band mate, not being able to take my eyes off of him. Yes I'm still upset about me and Cynth breakin' up, c'mon she was amazing. But she didn't like the idea of me touring the world without her. Well, she didn't like the idea of me leaving at all really for anything. "John, you've gotta get a real job soon. The bills aren't going to pay themselves." She sounded just like me aunt Mimi. But I believe in it, isn't that all that matters? I believe in me band, I don't need yer opinions. Paul believes in us, and with some convincing, Jim might believe in us too. It took forever for him to budge. We both sat there for hours, me rubbing Paul's back when he got frustrated. Finally he agreed when we mentioned the big sum of money we're gonna be getting.

"Don't say that yet Johnny, you haven't even been here that long." I love it when he calls me Johnny. We are even holding hands, trying to guide each other through the small spaces of the club. It feels different, new. His hand is warmer than it had been the other times, it softening my heart. But I'll never say it. I can't even stop smiling, Paul bringing me so much happiness. We just kept staring back at each other with these wide grins, knowing the feeling. I feel like a lovesick girl. It had been a long time since we were like this. Not afraid of all the people staring at two idiots who's friendship is better than theirs could ever be. He did insult me bird when I had her, but I couldn't stay mad at him forever. I just wanted it to be normal again, us laughing our asses off over the most minute things, so I forgave him. After all I've put both of us through as friends he deserves to be forgiven. It feels right again, it's real. It's a real love.

"Alright you two, either shag already or get out of my way. Which is it gonna be?" George being a grump as always. He complained the ENTIRE TRIP HERE that he hadn't eaten in HOURS. I swear, his stomach is like a bottomless pit. I just chuckled to myself, feeling about ready to kiss George to see how he liked it. "Sorry Miss Empress, I didn't see you there." I shot back, blood rushing to my cheeks as Paul let out the most delightful sound. "Watch it, or else I won't hesitate to eat YOU." We stopped laughing when I looked into his eyes and saw he was serious. Paul wasn't kidding when he said that George could make you want to disappear with just a stare. "Ey, snap out of it will ya? I don't need ya killing our singer now do I?" I felt my heart flutter as I heard those words come from his voice. I'm his singer, and he's mine. He's not yer singer, cut the bullshit Winston. He's made it VERY obvious he doesn't have interest in blokes. Paul could get serious when he wanted to, and to be honest he kind of sounded like me. Not that I can't have a laugh, just I like to keep me mates in the band in their places. A tin of biscuits was thrown across the not so spacious room. "Ta."

"The time, Paulie?" I asked politely as he checked the time on his watch. "It's about six thirty, so we have about an hour before the show." "Thank you, mate." I was so tempted to grab his face and smother it with kisses, but just threw my shit on the floor instead. "Hells gotten into you Lennon?" Shivers ran down my back as I recognized who the voice was coming from. "Dunno Stu, why don't you mind yer own business for a damn second?" "Jesus, I was just askin' ya a question." We had grown more distant in these past few days, not wanting to really talk to each other. The relationship between Stu and I has always been a complicated and complex one at best, but there was never a time when it got like this. He had gotten to talking with this German bird before we made our way here, and I just know this can't be good.

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"For god's sake, how long are we doin' this for?!" The show was going well for it being the first night, but my god it's dragging on like a sermon. My fingers bloody hurt from playing that much, and my vocals feel like they could just give out on me. Not to mention the new guy we have as a drummer can't play for shit and it's driving me insane. "Johnny, we've only got a little bit more time left okay? You can stick through till then right?" It all feels like a haze, alcohol in my system, Paul's voice near my ear. "M-My voice hurts." I feel like a child who needs to be taken care of, which I am. "Here, I'll take over, yeah? Just try and stick out your fingers as much as you can." "Okay."

Everything felt okay as I heard Paul's beautiful voice blasting into the microphone. I wanted to get a good look at him from behind but knew that I'd get stares the next morning if I did. I can't stop smiling, just being able to see the most beautiful face in the world right in front of me in my reach. I just wanna rest my head on his shoulder and whisper sweet nothings to him. Tell him how I can't believe I get to be this close to someone like James Paul McCartney. But that's all it will ever be, is nothing. No matter how much I want to believe, I just know that in my heart this is how it's gonna be forever.