I've Got A Feeling

Boys

Hazza here! So I just want to quickly clarify before any of you read the chapter I am warning that there is the use of a slur. I do not condone the use of these words against anyone apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, I consider myself to be an ally myself and am trying to figure out my attractions and sexuality, so just know that I do not use these words ever against a certain group. That being said, the reason it is in here is that I want to make this story as historically accurate as possible, which means I have to use it at least once in this story because the 1950's and 1960's weren't very kind to the majority of the population unless if you were a straight, white male. Without a further ado, here is Boys!

Every step I take calms my nerves. It's just always been that way, maybe it's from the scenery. Torn buildings, waste everywhere you look. You can smell the smoke in the air. I'll admit it, I'm upset from practice a few weeks ago. Ever since then I haven't heard from John that often, and I know it's because of my mouth not knowing when to shut it. It's been fine though, it helps to keep my mind off of him.

"Eh watch it will ya?! Wanker." "Sorry, I'm sorry sir. I'll be on my way now." I started to walk away when I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. Oh shit. Hope I don't get a black eye from this. "Mate I'm so sorry I didn't realize it was you. I'll leave you alone now." "John-" "No please it's fine you don't want to hang around a person like me. You don't want to be friends with a queer fag." "John wait, I never said that!" This time I had to grab his shoulder to stop him from running. "Yeah but you meant it Paul! You meant it." "Do you not realize that it just slipped out like that and didn't even mean to offend or piss you off? John, you can love whoever you choose. It's none of my business. I think it's ridiculous that people are oppressed and are called these demeaning terms just because of who they love, which is no one's business except those two or however many people." His face softened. "Oh. I didn't know m-mate." "Oh Johnny come here, don't cry."

"It's just that, y'know I thought y-you w-were avoiding me because you thought I was queer." "No, never. I wouldn't ever do that to you John. You're my best mate, I couldn't ever do that to you. I love you so much." I could feel my own tears flow out onto my face. "It's okay, we're okay. If you ever need anything, always remember I will be there for you. Any time of day, or night. Just stop cryin', okay." "Okay."

"You wanna walk around town?" "Yeah Macca." With that, we were fixed. The sun peeked it's way through all of the fat clouds, shining down brightly onto John's complexion. "What're ya starin' at me for?" "Nothing, just thinking of every single flaw on your face." His cheeks lit up along with mine, feeling the added heat. "Damnit Macca, now you've got me focused on that!" "There's one problem with what I answered with." "What's that?" "You don't have any flaws." I felt a smile tug at my lips as he gazed into my eyes. It was the same look from almost a year ago. My breath hitched and heart skipped a couple of beats as his fingers brushed up against mine. "Liar." "I'm being as serious as I can Johnny." "W-Well s-stop it."

Oh great I forgot, again. That's twice already within a few hours. "Fucking 'ell." "What's wrong Macca? Is everything alright?" "Everything's fine, I just have to go to the library." "Why?" "I have a test tomorrow that's half important for the grade of the class." "Well, I say fuck it and you hang out with me. Who's gonna say anything anyway?" "My dad." "Oh." We swaggered in silence until he spoke up again. "Well, I can come with you. I can maybe help too." "You? Help with school? That's not the Johnny I know." "Oh you can go shove it with your test scores then!" "No wait! You can come, just don't make a ruckus." "Yay!" I giggled as he jumped up and down flailing his arms around. "Let's go!" "Wait which way are we-" I felt his hand around my wrist as we ran down the streets all the way to the original destination. "John! Don't do that again!" "And if I do it again you'll do what? Punish me?" The color on my cheeks rapidly grew as his eyebrows wiggled. "Cheeky bastard." "Your cheeky bastard."

I soon grabbed what I needed and we found a place to sit, until John started complaining. "Why do we have to sit here? Outside is so much nicer." "John, I really don't need you complaining right now. If you want to leave, leave." "No, I want to hang with you-" "Then either sit here and shut the trap or find another place for us to sit that you like." "Yes Paul." He took my other wrist and guided me outside until we landed in a spot he was comfortable with. "Here, the grass is much better. Take off your shoes." "Excuse me?" "Just take them off." I answered his directions and removed my shoes and socks. "John this feels weird." "Just trust me okay. Now dig your feet into the grass and let your toes experience the rich earth. It helps if your knees are to your chest." "What is this supposed to do?" "You'll see." A jet of energy surged through my brain, picking up my notebook and writing down words to a melody that just came to me. "How did you do this?" "Do what dear?" He asked knowingly. "I did as you said and then lyrics and melodies just ran into my 'ead." "That's the point." He looked away as I stared into his eyes. "I'll be quiet now, you need to study."

The silence was really nice to hear, especially John never stays quiet. He always has something to say, no matter the topic. The information was soaking into my brain, but my head was starting to pound from the strain on my eyes. "You okay Paul?" He asked as I rubbed my eyes as hard as I could. "John I need help. This doesn't make sense." I know he could understand the stress in my voice because he was so calm towards me. "I'm right here Paul, there's no need to fret. It's okay love." I felt my ears heat like a kettle. I smiled when he slid on his glasses. "Alright, what do you need help with dear?" I quickly explained, and he approached with grace. "So, here is what you have to remember. School is important, but you shouldn't be stressing over it how you are. But, you should always have a plan to attack with." "Thanks Johnny." "Any time at all Macca." He removed his glasses and leaned back against the tree we're under. More time passed as I continued meddling at the pages. Soon I leaned back on the tree, my back finally being able to rest.

"I missed this. I missed us." "I know. You're my best mate, I never wanted to ignore you the way I did. I truly love you, as my mate." "I love you too John."

I felt a warmth inside my heart as we sat together. Even our breathing was synchronized until my breath hitched as he looked down. "Are you okay Paul?" "Yeah, perfectly normal." He read my mind as he held a firm gaze on me again. I saw the widest smile grow on his face, eyes sparkling in the setting sun. "What?" "Nothing, I just like your company. You're the only person who takes away the loneliness, y'know? When I'm with you I know I'm not alone, I know that I have someone I can count on. I'm never alone with you." I didn't know what to say, but I know I feel the same. I just can't express it.

"W-wha's uh, why's um, that there?" "Whatever reason you want it to be." It feels like my heart has stopped operating. John's fingers are intertwined with mine, his skin touching my left hand. It's the best feeling I've ever experienced in my life, it feels like it was built for this action. "W-well, I've never held anyone's hand before beside my parents. So you could say that I'm letting you know I trust you." "I like that. Just like you, James." I didn't even flinch at the use of my real name. "You're very kind."

By the time we got back to the library it was almost dark outside, so he insisted on walking me home. I longed for his touch, but knew it wasn't ever going to happen. It's illegal, two blokes can't be holding hands. "How'd you find out my name is James?" "Oh," He let out a laugh. "I heard your da' yell for someone named James and you swore under your breath and went running, so I knew it was you." "Well that's nice to hear." I rolled my eyes. John looked up at me and gave a small smile. "You okay?" "Yeah, just thinking."

At that moment I realized that I think our minds could connect, like George and I. He intertwined our fingers once more, confirming that I wasn't dreaming earlier. He squeezed two times asking if I was okay now, and I reciprocated with one, signifying that I was. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?" "See you tomorrow, Johnny."