Research Me Obsessively

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[Introduction - ANNA, spoken]

Hey, what are you doing for the next, like, thirteen hours? Don't do anything healthy. Don't be productive. Give in to your desire...

[Chorus - ANNA]

Research me obsessively

Uh-huh!

Find out everything you can about me

You know you want to dig for me relentlessly

Uh-huh!

Using every available search tool and all forms of social media

[VALENCIA]: Yes...

[Verse 1 - ANNA]

You know you want to look at my Instagram

But it's private

So Google me until you find out where I went to high school

And then set up a fake Instagram account

Using the name and the photo

Of someone that went to my high school

And hope that I remember that person a little bit

[REBECCA]: Ah, no...

[Verse 2 - ANNA]

Then request access to my private Instagram

From the fake account

And in the meantime, scour my work Instagram account

'Cause that one's public

[Chorus - ANNA]

Research me obsessively

Uh-huh!

Find an actual picture of my parents' house on Google Maps

You know you want to hunt for me tirelessly

Uh-huh!

It's not stalking 'cause the information is all technically public

[REBECCA]: That's true, that's true!

[VALENCIA]: Very true

[Verse 3 - ANNA]

Check out every guy I used to date

And deduce who broke up with who

Based on the hesitation in our smiles

[Bridge - ANNA, spoken]

So many unanswered questions

Did I go to the University of Texas?

Am I an EMT?

Is that my obituary, in which I'm survived by my loving husband Eddie of fifty years, children Susan and Matthew, and grandchild Stephanie?

Wait, no, that's just all people with my same name

[REBECCA AND VALENCIA]: Oh!

Or is it? Pay only $9.99 on a background check website to know for sure

[REBECCA]: I'll do it, yeah

[VALENCIA]: Yah!

[Chorus - ANNA]

So don't stop

Just research me obsessively

Uh-huh!

And in lieu of flowers

Donate to other me's favorite charity

[REBECCA]: Aw!

[Outro - ANNA]

Research me

Just research me

And research me

And research me

Oops, it's three days later

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