Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Songbook/Lyrics Book

What's Your Story

(Spoken Intro)

[JESSIE]

The hell?

(Song)

[REBECCA]

Story, story, what's your story?

Story, story, what's your crime?

What got you here?

Rage, lust, or fear?

We all got a story 'cause we're doing time

Ra ta ta

Ra ta ta

Ra ta ta

(Spoken Interlude)

Tell your story. Ra ta ta

[JESSIE]

Um. OK, fine. My boyfriend had meth in the glove compartment of our car and I got pulled over for something else and a cop found it

[REBECCA]

Ooh! Well, did you dump that good-for-nothing drug planting boyfriend!

[JESSIE]

No, were still together. I love him

[REBECCA]

Oh. Well, did you at least tell the cops that it was his meth?

[JESSIE]

I mean, I could have turned him in, but my boyfriend and I have a son. I cant risk our child having both parents in jail

[REBECCA]

That's true. That's-that's a good point

(Song)

Story, story, let's hear another story

Story, story, that one was just sad

What does your story say

About the patriarch-ay?

We all have got stories 'cause we did bad

Ra ta ta

Ra ta ta

Ra ta ta

(Spoken Interlude)

Story, go! Ra ta ta

[HANIFA]

Okay! I stole a sweater from the mall

[REBECCA]

Ooh! Had you been stealing all your life?! Was this the culmination of a life of kleptomania? Or were you doing it to stick it to the problematic fashion industry?

[HANIFA]

No..., the heat went out in my apartment and I couldnt afford a sweater, so I stole one

[WHITE INMATE]

Oh my God, I stole a sweater too! I got two months, how long are you in for?

[HANIFA]

Three years

[WHITE INMATE]

I'm so sorry

(Song)

[REBECCA]

Story, story, these are barely stories

They're just bleak anecdotes with no start or end

(Spoken Interlude)

Go tell-tell your story, tell your story

[CYBIL]

Sure, I have a story. I'm in here for murder

[REBECCA]

Ooh! Murder! Juicy! Ra ta ta

[CYBIL]

While I was driving, my daughter texted me that she was in the hospital and I got so distracted that, I hit a teenager who was crossing the street and he died

(Song)

[REBECCA]

Story, story, oh my God with that story

Story, story, take away her chair

(Spoken Outro)

[WHITE INMATE]

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry

[REBECCA]

Okay, you know what, Im just gonna share my story, because you guys arent really versed with a sense of story structure, so Im gonna show you how its done

I was a no-good, manipulative love addict with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I swindled! DRUM! I cheated! DRUM! I called out a hit on my ex-boyfriends girlfriend! DRUM DRUM! Then, one day, this guy Trent came into my life. He was ironically just like me. And he tried to kill the man I love, so I pushed him off a building! And then, when I plead guilty just for like, metaphorical symbolism, the judge knew I was innocent so she didnt accept my plea but I wanted to go to jail anyway

[JESSIE]

Wait, what?

[CYBIL]

You don't have to be here?

[JASMINE]

You chose to be here?

[REBECCA]

Wait

Ra ta ta

Ra ta ta

Ra ta ta