a loving pain | spencer reid. ✓

nine <3

"Well, my mom is an English teacher. She teaches the fourth grade. My dad was an Agent, just like us...well me, your a doctor" I chuckles before continuing on, "Anyways, he was an Agent for the BAU. He worked with Hotch, Rossi and Gideon at the time..."

"Wait, your dad knew Gideon?" Spence asked.

"Yes. Him, Rossi, Gideon, and Hotch were all good friends. They were all working on a case together. The unsub was killing people to get back at Gideon and the rest of them for getting him wrongfully locked up. He kept leaving clues, phrases, letters, etc. to let them know it was him. He had a partner at the time. When they brought him into questioning, he asked for his phone call and lawyer. He was prescribed pills from a doctor due to an illness. While he was on his phone call he overdosed on the pills so his partner decided to go AWOL realizing my dad, Gideon, Hotch, and Rossi were close to catching him." I got upset, Spence could see it. I became flushed in my face and my eyes started watering.

"Y/N...did the unsub kill your dad?" Spence ask in a comforting voice as he places a hand with empathy on my knee.

I nod, "Since the case was local, my dad could go home to sleep. He didn't know that he was being stalked, none of them did..."

Spence looks at me longingly as I start to sniffle.

A tear rolls down my cheeks as I continue, "My dad was checking security footage of my home before leaving when he realized a mysterious car in front of my house. He asked Hotch, Rossi, and Gideon to come with him back to our house, but Gideon couldn't because Strauss needed him."

Spence picks up my chin for me to look at him in his eyes, "Y/N, it's okay. Take your time. Don't rush yourself. Do you want some water?"

I nod as he hands me a water bottle. I take a sip of water before continuing.

"Rossi, Gideon, and my dad all got back to our house around 7:30pm, just in time for dinner. We all had dinner and watched a movie. My dad had me and my mom shut and lock all the doors and windows of the house. I forgot one window because I was so scared and rushing myself to get everything done. I forgot to close my room window." I say while tears roll down my cheek.

Spencer looks at me reassuringly before I continue on.

"My parents had me sleep in Zoe's room. My dad was putting us down to sleep, when he heard footsteps approaching. The unsub got in without Rossi or Hotch hearing him because of my damn room window." I begin to sob as Spencer pulls me in for a hug.

"I was the reason my father died. Because of my mistake. The unsub cut the side of neck and shot him for trying to fight back." I said, "He shot my dad in front of me and Zoe. I was twelve and Zoe was four."

Spencer's eyes began to water. He hates seeing me in pain.

"Hotch was the first one to run up the stairs because he was the closest. Then came my mom and Rossi. Hotch grabbed me and gave me a hug while covering my eyes so I wouldn't see my dad bleed out." It clicked to Spencer now, why me and Hotch have had such a tight bond from the start.

"Rossi has always been like a second dad to Zoe. He buys her birthday presents, takes homecoming pictures with her, takes her on shopping sprees, picks her up from school, and all that." I say, "Hotch was always like mine. He took me on lunch dates, came to my science fairs, took me to the carnival, met my first boyfriend, taught me how to drive, and all the other things dads do." Spencer nodded in understanding.

"He even lets me call him dad so I know I have a loving relationship with a father figure." Spence and I smiled at this.

"I'm so sorry Y/N. I never would've asked if I knew it was this upsetting" Spencer said with puppy dog eyes.

"No, no, no, it's okay. Talking about it gives me comfort. I just need a hug." I said with a slight smile.

"Come here" Spence said as he gave me a long, comforting hug. We laid down on my bed and I cried in his arms as he stroked my hair.

"Don't you ever get scared...?" Spence asked.

"Yes. All the time. I'm scared the unsub will get out of jail and track me down and come after me, but it hasn't really worried me because I feel safe working with you, Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi." I say looking up at Spence.

"Have you heard from Gideon?" Spence asked. I knew this question would come up.

"No, not since he suddenly left the BAU and left you the letter" I say.

"Oh. Wait...how do you know about the letter?" Spencer asks.

I laugh, "Hotch told my mom that he left his 'work son' a letter before leaving and that you were devastated"

"Oh so you knew about me for a while, and never bothered to step up and create a future with me...?" Spence laughs.

"No silly, I didn't find out about you until Emily told me about the 'boy genius' on the team who was just as dorky as me" I laugh.

We start play fighting as I yawn, "I'm exhausted" I say looking at the clock. It's 1:45am and all I want now is to get cozy and take a long nap.

"Then I'll let you rest. I'll see you in the morning Y/N" Spence says as stumbles to get off the bed.

"Hey Spence?" I say, laughing.

"Yeah, what's up?" He says turning to face me.

"Get back in the bed dummy, it's not like I'll make any sudden moves. I like having the comfort of you here. Being alone in a hotel room while on a case scares me because I don't know if the unsub is out yet." I say.

Spence crawls back into bed as he grabs me in his arms to hold me. He starts stroking my head and turns on Friends so we can watch until we fall asleep.

Ten minutes into the episode, I decide to ask Spence a question.

"Hey Spence?" I say, adjusting my head to be looking up at him.

"Yeah? What's up Y/N?" he replies.

"The day after tomorrow...well today according to the clock...marks twelve years since my dad passed. We're having a memorial in his honor. The entire BAU usually has the day off and Hotch has invited all of them to stand in his honor, and I told him not to tell you so I could ask, would you like to be my plus one and come stand in his honor with me? I could really use your company." I say.

"I'll be there early with the team. I'll even help you get ready so you can get a pep talk before. I'll also be your shoulder to cry on during and after. I'm always by your side Y/N." He says reassuringly as he holds me tight.

Those words. Those damn words. "I'm always by your side Y/N." Those words made me feel the safest.

In comfort, I dozed off into sleep as he dozed off into sleep as well.