a loving pain | spencer reid. ✓

fifty eight <3

*spence's pov*

"NO!" I scream loudly as my eyes flicker open, filled with terror.

Morgan shakes my body lightly, attempting to wake me up.

I'm awake. I know I'm awake. I repeat to myself as my eyes flicker back and forth between Morgan and Hotch.

"Reid..." Hotch begins to say.

"Pretty Boy, are you alright?" Morgan asks lightly.

I snap out of the trance, inhaling a deep, heavy breath.

"What's going on?" Hotch asks, his tone more solemn than stern.

"I- I... Maeve..." I stutter out, panicking as I examine the room around us.

"Reid..." Morgan says, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

"Yeah. Yeah. I-I'm listening." I say, flinching a bit at the loud snap of his fingers.

"What about Maeve?" Hotch asks, concern lightly filling his tone.

"I-I just had a nightmare..." I say, trying to come back to my immediate senses, my body hesitantly stopping me.

"Yeah, Pretty Boy, that's pretty clear." Morgan says, a slight bit of annoyance filling his tone.

Hotch elbows Morgan in the side, leaving Morgan to wince in pain a bit.

"W-What was it about?" Hotch asks.

"What was what about?" I ask, confusion filling my mind.

Hotch flashes a quick, worried glance to Morgan, "The nightmare. What was the nightmare about?" He proceeds to say, examining my facial expression closely.

"Maeve..." I mumble, stumbling over my own words, "The night she died."

Sorrow fills Morgan and Hotch's eyes as they reminisce over that night.

That was one of the worst nights of my life. I think to myself.

Morgan's brows furrow, "Reid... You're getting married to Y/N. Why would you be dreaming of Maeve?" He asks.

"I-I don't know." I say, rubbing my forehead slowly, a headache slowly growing in my mind.

The both of them look at me. I can tell their attempting to profile me but it's not working for either of them.

I clear my throat, "If you think I'm calling off the wedding with Y/N, I'm not. I just- I'm scared. I don't want to lose her the way I lost Maeve." I say, choking on my own words.

"You won't lose her." Hotch says, reassurance filling his tone.

I rub the back of my neck, "But I could... There are so many chances of anything happening before my wedding - she could leave me at the alter, she could call it off last minute, she could..." I begin to ramble on, itching my bicep quickly.

"Reid..." Hotch says slowly, his eyes flickering to me and then to Morgan.

"What are you on Reid?" Morgan asks.

My heart pinches. Shit.

"I-I'm not on anything!" I say, a harsh tone filling my voice as I defend myself.

Morgan rolls his eyes, "Pretty Boy, you can hide it from Y/N because she's too in love with you to realize anything, but you can't hide it from us. Now tell us, what the fuck are you on?" He asks, anger filling his tone slightly.

My eyes flicker to the ground, "I'm not on anything. I relapsed once during my sobriety, the night that I was in the hospital - the day Savannah had her baby." I say, my eyes flickering up to Morgan.