Hate That I Love You

Chapter 19

It's been at least 5 months now since the farm fell. Lori was starting to show and it was a lot colder now with winter here. We found extra clothes and jackets in various houses that we would stop at. We even found a storage place and stayed there for a little while. A lot of the times we stayed outside around a fire and bundled up in blankets and extra clothes.

That's what we were doing now. Huddled by a fire in a clearing in the woods. We had cans on a string that set a perimeter so if walkers came the cans would rattle and alert the person on watch. My anxiety has still been acting up but I've gotten good at acting like I'm fine. I still felt like an outcast no one really talked to me much. Rick of course did and Carl. Carol would sometimes talk to me. But if it wasn't important it's like I was invisible.

Daryl especially tried avoiding me. I would catch him staring at me all the time though. I tried to just ignore it chalking it up to the fact I was still being made to ride on the bike with him. I knew he hated me I could tell from day one at the quarry. I don't know what I did to him for him not to like me. I had thought maybe that one night at the farm things might have taken a step to getting to like each other. But I was wrong he clearly did not.

"Hey, you all right?" I heard Rick ask as he sat beside me.

"Yeah, of course. I'm good," I said. That was a lie but if he knew I wasn't there would be a talk.

"I know you. And you haven't been fine since the highway," Rick said.

"Can we please not?" I asked.

" What happened back there? It couldn't have just been the about the car," Rick said.

"What's it matter Rick? It's done and over with," I said.

"You're not going to take off on me are you?" He asked.

I whipped my head towards him. I didn't say anything I didn't have to. "Just don't okay? Please," he said. And all I did was not my head slightly.

Three more months have passed by and Lori us bigger than ever. We still haven't found a safe place to stay. Everywhere we go a hard of walkers show up.

We were on the side of the road right now trying to figure out where to go next. Some wanted to get washed up and Daryl and Rick went out hunting. When they came back Rick told us about a prison they saw. He said it looked like we could take the yard that there weren't too many walkers.

So that's where we headed. Rick cut a hole in the fence and we all got in and then used a corded to close it up. We had to shut the one top gate to keep more walkers from getting in the yard so while Rick ran for it the rest of us helped by killing the walkers.  Once it was clear we grabbed our stuff and set up camp.

We finally had a relatively safe place to stay.  We had fences around us. Daryl stood on top if an overturned bus and Carol took food over to him. They had gotten close over the past 8 months on the road. Rick walked around the perimeter. Beth sang with Maggie joining her.

Rick talked about wanting to push forward tomorrow. Clear the courtyard and st least a cell block. Then we could find the armory and cafeteria.  We definitely needed the infirmary it would be the best place for Lori when the baby came.

While out on the road every town we stopped in indent through the pharmacy took anything I could find. Houses I took any medications I found and first aid supplies. We even got lucky enough that we found an ambulance that was almost fully stocked. I told Rick I wanted everything so that's what happened we cleaned it out. I even got the big first aid kit they keep in the rigs.  They had morphine which would come in handy. Lori would have to have a C-section just like she did with Carl.

I wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as we could possibly get her. It was hard to tell exactly know her due date with no hospitals we couldn't do regular checkups like sonograms. I tried to make sure she had her vitamins and I made sure to have antibiotics too for after. Infection was death in a world like this.  We still didn't have anything for the baby yet. As soon as we could once settled in we will need to go out looking for diapers, bottles, formula in case Lori can't breastfeed, clothes, blankets all kinds of stuff for the baby.

While everyone found a spot on the ground to go to sleep I got up grabbing my blanket and walked down to the bus. I climbed up top and sat down wrapping the blanket around me. I looked up to the sky to see billions upon billions of stars. You could see the stars in the city. It was peaceful and helped me relax. Just taking time to myself was what I needed and I could do that now. I could feel myself finally relax a little.

"You on watch?" I gruff voice asked.

I looked up and froze for a second before answering. "Oh. Um... no sorry," I said and started to get ready to stand up. Daryl sat down beside me and pulled out a cigarette. "What are ya doin up here then?" He asked.

"Um.. the stars. You can't see them in the city. And I've always liked looking at them it helps me relax. Just being along and focusing on something helps the anxiety," I said.

Daryl just hummed and nodded his head. "Those are bad for you," I said.

"Yeah, we're all gonna day one day,"  Daryl said.

It was silent for a little while until I couldn't take it and needed to say something. "Look Daryl, I'm sorry Rick had me ride with you the whole time being out there. I know you hated I could feel how you got tense every time. I know you don't like me and that's okay. I'm used to people not liking me I never had friends. My first friend was some guy named Joseph my first year of college. He was quiet and a book work like me and we had every class together.  My dorm roommate didn't even like me she hated me. A lot of people thought I shouldn't be there because I was do young and everything was easy for me. So you not liking me and everyone else here not liking me isn't new for me. I just ask if I do ever annoy you or piss you or you don't want me around please say so. If you want me to get away from you now just say something and I'm gone," I said.