Hate That I Love You

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I ran inside and grabbed the keys to unlock my cell then handed them back to Rick. "Everything alright? Thought you were keeping watch with Daryl," he said.

"Got cold," I said and went to my cell and l0aid down. I knew I wasn't going to sleep though not with what Daryl said replaying over and over. I had to open my big mouth. The one time I take a chance and gather the courage to tell a guy I like him and he rejects me.

No. Daryl did more than reject me. He was harsh and cold. I can't believe I started to fall for him or even think for a second that he'd like me back. Why do I keep doing this to myself? But maybe he was right. I was just in the way and Rick was always saving me. And he was right, it was my fault Trevor hit me. I wasn't good enough. I should have done more for him, gave him more attention, listened better. And I did kill Lori I left her when I promised I'd make sure she'd be fine.

I looked over at my bags and got up. I closed my door just enough that I wouldn't lock myself in. I got into the bags and went through all the medication and medical supplies. I could split it leave the group half of it. Then I could take what's left and pack what little clothes I have and leave. I pulled out my doll and smiled I put everything away and walked out of my cell and to Ricks. The baby was in an old mail crate since we didn't have a crib.

She was sound asleep. I looked st my doll the doll I've had since I was little.  "Hey," Rick whispered.
I turned to look at him "hey," I said.

"Marilyn?" He said.

"Yeah, I thought I'd give her to the baby. Pass her down. If that's okay with you," I said.

Yeah, that's fine," he said. I smiled and sat the doll in the corner by her feet and walked back to my cell.

I waited until it was really late and everyone was in their cells sleeping. I split the medication and medical supplies and put them in a bag. I out the rest in another bag and gathered my clothes and a blanket in my backpack. I pulled a notebook and pen I had and wrote a note out for everyone.

*Hey Guy,*
*I'm sorry I've been in the way and such a burden.  I know after the farm and I froze on the highway I could have gotten not only myself but everyone killed. I put myself in danger by running off by myself after that alarm and the walkers. And Rick, Carl I'm so so so sorry. If I would have just stayed with Lori she'd still be here. I'm sorry you always half to save me, Rick. Ever since we were kids you were always needing to save my ass. And  Daryl, I'm sorry I've bothered you. I'm sorry  I made you feel like you had to make sure I would get anyone killed with my stupidity. The time you read this I'll be gone and you won't need to worry about me anymore. Maybe we'll run into each other again one day or maybe not. I hope everything works out for you and you win the war against the governor I have faith in you all. Tell Lil ass-kicker I love her and that the doll is from me and her name is Marylin Monroe. I love you Rick and Carl and of course everyone else.*

*p.s. I left medical supplies in a bag along with meds. Cells locked*
             *- Dr. Nikyla Grimes*

I left the note on one of the tables in the common room. Merle gets locked up st night until Rick and everyone else is up so I wasn't worried he'd get to anything. I looked around and then walked outside I knew Daryl was in the guard tower so I had to try and sneak around the back where there was a gate I could go through without anyone seeing me.

I got around the corner and was almost to the gate when a gruff voice spoke and scared the hell out of me. "Where the fuck are you goin?"

I stopped and closed my eyes then I turned around to see Daryl standing there. "Leaving," I said.

He scuffed and looked at me with a cold glare.  "Just go back inside," he said.

"You're the one that told me I wasn't wanted. I'm doing you all a favor. No more needing to save my ass. No more needing worry about me getting anyone killed. Rick doesn't need to worry about me anymore. He doesn't have to look at me and think how his wife is dead because of me," I said.

"Goodbye Daryl, hope that things get better without me in the way," I said and walked through the gate and into the woods.

Daryl's POV

I was standing out on the guard tower smoking as I leaned up against the railing. I thought about what I said to Nikyla. It harsh and cold. I hate that I did it. I regretted it but I couldn't let my feelings get in the way. Having those kinds of feelings just seems to be bad luck. Rick lost his wife and went crazy, Hershel lost his wife and put her in a barn thinking there would be a cure, and when he finally realized there wasn't and she was never coming back he went to the bar to drink something he hasn't done in over 20 years. 

I walked around the other side to look towards the cell block when I saw someone moving in the shadows towards the back of the building. The person was short and had a backpack on their back and a duffle in hand. "Nik?" I whispered.

"Shit!" I hissed. She was leaving and it was all my fault. I flicked the cigarette and ran down the stairs and out of the guard towers door. I followed her to the gate at the back. As she was about to open the door I spoke up. "Where the Fuck are you goin?" I asked. She jumped and turned around.

"Leaving," was all she said. I scuffed at that reaping and told her to just go back inside. Then she hit with it. Basically telling me in the one that said she should leave. She was leaving because of what I said to her.

"You're the one that told me I wasn't wanted. I'm doing you all a favor. No more needing to save my ass. No more needing to worry about me getting anyone killed. Rick doesn't need to worry about me anymore. He doesn't have to look at me and think how his wife is dead because of me," she said.

I looked at her bitting my lip and looked down at the ground. I was feeling that guilt again. My chest was tight and my heart was beating fast. I couldn't just let her leave.

"Goodbye Daryl, hope things get better without me in the way," she said and walked through the gate and into the woods.

I stood there and watched her walk away into the dark woods alone. "Fuck!" I hissed. If Rick knew what I said to her and that's why she left he'd kill me. I ran through the gate making sure to close it and went after her. I couldn't let her be out here alone in the dark or let her leave at all.

I walked silently and listened. I needed to stay quiet and listen for walkers. I could she Nik up ahead. She had a small light shining ahead of her so she could see where she was going. She had pit the duffle over her head to rest across her so she could have her knife in her other hand.

I heard movement and a low growling sound along with the stench that came with the dead. I pinpointed it to be coming from the right and heading towards Nikyla. I quickly but silently ran up behind her covered her mouth and moved us behind a thick tree. I pressed her back against the tree and stood in front of her with my body shielding her. I pulled my knife and removed my hand from her mouth putting my finger to my lips to let her know to be quiet and she nodded.

My eyes had adjusted better to the dark and I could see about 6 or 7 walkers. They walked right passed where Nik had been standing before I grabbed her and drug her away. I watched them stumble by. Once they were out of sit I looked st Nik.

I was now hyper-aware of how close we were. Our chest touching. I could feel her chest rise and fall and her heart beating fast in her chest. "Ya tryin to get ya self killed?" I asked her.

"I would have been fine," she hissed.

I got closer to her if that was possible. "Ya woulda been walker food. What are ya doin leaving in the middle of the night? Yer coming back with me," I told her and took the duffle from her and putting it on like she had it. "No. I'm leaving just like you want," she hissed.

She was so damn stubborn. I was in no mood to argue. So I bent over and grabbed her but the waist and picked her up throwing her over my shoulder. "Daryl! Put me down!" She hissed and hit me. I ignored her and started walking back to the prison. I focused on where I was going so I wouldn't focus on the fact her ass was in my face.  Having her this close made me feel things I've never felt before and I hated it.