Hate That I Love You

Chapter 29

I sat down so my feet hung over the edge of the balcony and leaned my arms on the railing. It was peaceful up here. It definitely felt better than being cooped up in that cell. I was starting to fall like a prisoner. I never imagined I'd ever even step foot in a prison. The only cells I ever saw were the holding cells at the station Rick worked at.

My thoughts drifted to Daryl. He was so quiet and just stood beside me smoking a cigarette. I knew I was being stupid by falling for a man that would never feel the same. Hell, I doubted he had ever been in love or has ever felt love in his life. I could tell he was abused as a child even before he mentioned his father.

He was shy, got defensive quickly, had a short fuse, he flinched when anyone you had him, he never made eye contact, and always kept his head down. He bottles his feels up and pushed people out. He gets mad and snaps at anyone. He assumes everyone hates him and thinks he's nothing but a no-good redneck. He thought of himself as a no one m, thought he wasn't good enough.

It wasn't hard to tell I've seen teenagers like that. I had treated children and adults that had come into the ER with broken bones, busted faces, marks that looked like someone had whipped them. I had noticed the scars on his back when I stitched him up after he fell down that cliffside and got impaled by that arrow. I never said anything I let it go. It was better to never ask Daryl about his past, he got defensive.

But here I was falling for him. Maybe it was just because he saved me and made sure I was safe and got what I needed. But when he didn't come back after saving Maggie and Glenn my heart shattered. Then he came back and I was angry he had left. Why was I falling for some incapable of love?

Well, I became a doctor for a reason. I liked to help people. I liked to fix people. Daryl was damaged and I wanted to help him, I wanted to fix him. I wanted to show him what it was like to have someone care for him and love him. Merle sure the hell didn't. He put him down all the time he made Daryl believe no one cares, no one loved him or ever would.

Daryl Dixon was pretty easy on the eyes. He was handsome. Broad shoulders, he was fit, his arms were something you couldn't help but stare at. His eyes were this hypnotizing blue, dark brown hair. He was rugged, tough, fearless, selfless, strong. I found his shyness and bashfulness adorable. The way he'd get flustered and his face would turn a light shade of red. And he did that thing where he'd lick his lips with the tip of his tongue. When he was nervous or anxious he'd chew on his thumb or his lip.

It was a turn on. He was someone I liked to watch and observe. He made my heart race but his words could be harsh and hurtful. Trevor was the only one and hurt me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I couldn't trust any men after that, besides Rick and Shane. Even then Shane was sometimes iffy. But Daryl o knew o could trust no matter what. I knew it the first time I met him. I felt this overwhelming feeling of trust and safety when I was around him.

Daryl's POV

I stood there smoking as Nik sat down. She seemed to be lost on thought. I didn't know what was going on with me or what the feeling was, all I knew was that I wanted to be near her at all times. I felt like I needed to protect her. When I left with Merle all I did was think about leaving her and What I had said to her.

I knew I needed to distance myself from her I couldn't let myself fall for her. She was too good for me. I was a nobody, I was white trash, who followed his brother where ever he went. I helped him with his drug-dealing even if I didn't want to. But I did it because he got me away from our father. He protected me from him when we were younger but then, he left me alone with him and let me take all the beatings.

Nik never asked questioned. She was caring, loving, smart, so beautiful, she was a good person. I would just being her down. I hated that I was falling for her. I had to figure away out to get her to hate me. I needed to be a prick and an asshole so she wouldn't want me around. I needed to get it out of my head that someone like her could love someone like me. I'm damaged, worthless, I wasn't worth loving. God, I hate that in love you. At least that's what on thought this feeling was. I couldn't be sure I never felt over it loved anyone before.

Other girls I've been with were just whores. Woman Merle would pay to fuck me or him. Or if left with some random chick from the bar fuck her and leave. I was never in a relationship. And in this world, it was better not to get attached. I sent to ask her to be alone with her. She looked so beautiful in the moonlight looking at the stars.

Fuck! No! I needed to push her away. Piss her off, hurt her so she hates me. "Daryl?" I heard a sweet voice and snapped out of it.

"Hmm?" I hummed. Looking down she was looking up at me with those damn doe eyes. Her eyes were this grayish bright blue color and her shoulder-length blond hair. "You good. You're staring," she said.

"I ain't staring," I grumbled.

"If you say so pretty boy," she said.

"Can I tell you something?" She asked and I nodded my head.

Nik's POV

Okay, I can't believe I'm going to do this. "Well, I think... I think I might... I don't know. Maybe falling for you. You make me feel safe and I knew from day one I could trust you. I don't usually do this... dammit... you make me feel a way I've never felt before ya know. I've told you that before. I thought I could push it away but I can't," I said standing up to stand in front of him.

"Maybe we could start as friends and see how things go. I know you're probably not the kind of guy to date or anything. But I really like you, Daryl. I know I'm messed up.." I said until he cut me off.

Daryl's POV

This was my time. I needed to stop her and push her away. Be an asshole, make her hate.

"Maybe we could start as friends and see how things go. I know you're probably not the kind of guy to date or anything. But I really like you, Daryl. I know I'm messed up.." She was saying until I stopped her.

"Why the fuck do you think I brought ya up here?" I said.

"What ya think I wanted to be alone with ya. I brought ya up here so ya be out of the way of the others. I have no feelings for you. You're right,  you are messed up. Running off like an idiot almost getting yourself killed. Got ya self stabbed then let it get infected by being an idiot. You're nothing to me. Rick doesn't need this budget so I thought I'd do him a favor and take you off his hand for a while," I growled.

"What? Ya think I could like someone like you? You have panic attacks in the middle of a road and almost get us all killed. Ya ran off on ya own instead of following after your sister-in-law. She's dead because of you! You're nephew and niece don't have a mother because you were selfish and only thought about saving ya self," I hissed and got closer to her.

"You're only in the way. You're always in the way. Maybe you should just leave. Her right we got Hershel we don't need you. Not like ya can do anything. You're a burden to Rick, to me, to the rest of the group because you can't do shit right and listen!" I yelled and she flinched.

Seeing her flinch away from me hurt but I had to do something. She just stared at me with sad, red watery eyes. That just hurt more. "You only survived because of Rick and me. We're always having to damage your dumbass. No wonder Trevor hit you all the time," I said.

As soon as I saw that last part I regretted it. I regretted everything. She had tears falling down her face ad she backed away from me and cowered. "I'm sorry," she whispered and picked her bag up then left.

Once she was out of the tower I watched her run to the cell block holding her side. I closed my eyes. I had to tell myself it was the right thing to do. I needed to keep her away from me it was the best way to keep her safe. I slammed my hands on the railing "fuck!" I yelled.