Hate That I Love You

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Daryl put me the fuck down!" She growled.

Once on was through the gate I put her down. The sun was starting to come up. "Nikyla!" We heard Rick yelling. 

"Move Daryl, please. Just let me go," She said.

"Can't do that," I told her.

"Nikyla!" Rick yelled again. She tried getting passed me so o picked her up again and walked to the front of the building with her over my shoulder. She was hitting me and screaming at me. "I've got her Rick!" I yelled.

"Jesus. What the fuck Nikyla?!" Rick said when I put her down. 

"Why? Would you think we wouldn't want you here?" He asked.

She didn't answer him just looked to the ground. "You're not in the way. You've never been in the way. And I do not blame you for Lori," Rick told her.

I took he duffle off and sat it on the ground. "You have Hershel you don't need me. I don't want to be here," She said.

"Nik. Please. You can't leave I need you here. I can't lose you," Rick said.

I just grabbed my bags and went to my cell and waited. Rick and Daryl came up and Rick unlocked the door and I walked in. I set my stuff down and kept my back to them. I heard foot steeps leave and sat on my bed. "M'Sorry," I looked up to see Daryl still there.

"Leave Daryl, please,"  I said.

"Ya going to leave again?" He asked.

"Why do you care? You hate me! I'm only in the way remember! Or is it that you're just scared that someone actually cares about you? And you can't except you feel the same," I said standing up to stand in front of him. "Isn't that what you do? You push people away. I tell you o have feelings for you so you use the fact that I've been abused and have anxiety and depression so you know how to hit me where it hurts. That way I hate you," I said.

"I ain't got no feelings for you," he growled.

I call bullshit on that but hey what do I know, I'm just a dumb bitch. Now Beth the fuck out of my cell," I said and pushed him.

"Get out!" Another push. "Get out!" Push. "Get out I hate you!" I cried and pushed him again.

For a second I saw hurt cross his features and then it was back to a hard glare. Then he turned and left.

Rick had changed his mind about giving Michonne to The Governor. Instead, we were going to go to war.  When he went to tell Merle the plan was off he nor Michonne were anywhere to be found. Daryl and Rick ended up finding a bunch of stuff indicating he took Michonne. So Daryl went after him. Rick had everyone meet outside at the picnic table and told everyone what had happened when he met The Governor. And told us he was going to give Michonne up but changed his mind so now it was war.

We had a plan up but we would need more guns.
"Why not go back to Kings County? You know where all the guns are in town, in every house," I said.

Michonne had returned alone saying Merle let her go and she had run into Daryl who went after Merle. It was late when Daryl came back. I was standing on the landing when he walked into the cell block. He told Rick what had happened and walked up to his cell. Yes, he finally moved into a cell beside mine of all places.

I noticed his eyes were bloodshot. "Daryl?" I said.

He looked at me and I just knew he didn't need to say it. Merle was dead, he lost his brother. I felt horrible. "Oh my god," I whispered, and without thinking I walked over to him and hugged him. I felt him tense up but he quickly relaxed and wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head into my neck. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.

The next day Rick, Carl, and Michonne left to go to Kings County to get more guns. The rest of us sat up the prison. We had a plan.  While Carol, Daryl, Michonne and Rick went to the tombs and hid while waiting for the governor and his men they would set off the smoke bombs and attract walkers. Once they ran out Maggie and Glenn would be outside in riot gear and would shoot at them. The rest of us would take the cars and our stuff and hide in the woods to make it look like we left.

I decided to give Beth a break and took the baby. I was in my cell with her in my arms. I rocked her back and talked to her. "I'm always going to be there for you. You can come to me about anything you want. I'm the cool Auntie just ask your big brother," I said.

"I'm so sorry you'll never get to meet your momma but I'm here. And I'm going to do better for you, for Carl and your daddy, for everyone. For myself. I'll never let anything happen to you," I said. She looked up at me and I smiled.

"Yer good with her," I heard that gruff voice.

"Practice," I said smiling over at him.

"So, you're staying then?" He said. "I won't need ta chase ya down again?"

"I'm staying. Can't break my promise to this little cutie," I said looking at the baby.

Daryl walked in and came over to me and looked down at her. "She looks like Lori," he said.

"Yeah, she does. But she looks like Shane too," I said and looked at him.

"Yeah, that guy was an ass. Never liked him," he said.

"He has always been an ass. Always got into trouble. Mr. Popular football player. Slept with our gym teacher," I told him.

"So a prick?" He said.

"Yup. He was the kind of person you thought I was. I was the quiet nerd who sat by herself reading a book with no friends," I said.

Beth then came in and said she'd feed the baby and I gave her to Beth. She left leaving just me and Daryl alone in my cell. "M' sorry," he said looking down.

"About what?" I asked.

He didn't say anything just kept looking down and chewed on his thumb. "Bout what I said to ya," he said. "Ya ain't in the way. We need ya here,"

I got closer to him and lifted his head. I don't know What the fuck was going on with me. I still felt those feeling for him. I wasn't the one to just make a move on a guy. And I knew Daryl sure the fuck wasn't a guy to just push a girl against a wall and have his way with her. Hell, he could barely speak to me. He was shy and closed off. So what I did surprise me and I couldn't understand why I did it.

I leaned up and kissed him lightly. He pulled back to fast as it burned him. And I froze shocked "Oh my God. I'm... I'm so sorry," I said.

"The fuck ya doin?!" He hissed.

"I don't know.  I'm sorry. I just thought..." I trailed off.

"Just cuz I'm been nice ta ya don't mean I like ya like that. I'll admit what I said was harsh but I'd never be with a girl like you," he said and left.

I sighed and sat down with my head in my hands.   There I go fucking shit up again. He rejected me just like I knew he would and I still did it.