Joy Has Gone

x x x

Hi.

To you who's reading this,

I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel I can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shall not recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. You became a part of my terrible life and witnessed how horrible I am. I don't think anyone could have been happier with me by their side. And I don't want to think about that anymore but I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life — that without me you could have been happier, you wouldn't have to feel awkwardness, you could work.

I can't even write this properly. I can't read what I'm writing right not. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to all of you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. You have been so understanding with my irrationalities and unstability. I want to say that because I want you to know that.

If anybody could have saved me from this neverending emptiness and mind disease, it would have been no one. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer.

I think ALL of you could have been happier without my presence. Please, forget about me.

My kisses burn into your soul,
My touch melts upon your skin,
My eyes reflect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,
I am just a waste of time,
This is a good bye,
So now I shall die.