broken as i • a kylo ren story

xi (xxx)

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"ren, are you listening to me?" hux said to kylo.

"what did you say?"

"you seem awfully distracted supreme leader, ar-"

"just tell me what you need." kylo replied. he wasnt in the mood for huxs stupid games, or really...hux in general.

"we need to start proceeding with the termination of skywalker. we cant just wait foreve-"

"i am the one who calls the shots hux, you need to remember that. do i always have to tell you? also, like i was reminded multiple times- he isnt going anymore. if he was, he would have gone a while ago. now, i have other matters to deal with. we will go to him when i say so, no questions asked."

hux bit his tongue. he was started to get anxious that his plan was going to fail. not the killing luke plan- he knew that would work perfectly, no...the other plan. the more wicked and evil one.

kylo left hux staring at a blank wall in the control room. he quickly made his way to his quarters and shut the door behind him with such power, it almost popped off of the hinges.

ever since that forcelink, kylo couldnt stop thinking about you. of course he thought about you before it happened, but now- you consumed him...almost completely.

the last few days have been horrible for him. he couldnt sleep, eat, or even think straight. everything went back to you and those peppy new eyes of yours.

kylo had to admit, he liked it better when they were more dull. looking at your previous, monotonous eyes made him feel better. it made him feel as if he wasnt the only broken person in the galaxy. but now, it felt like he was.

it felt like you left him in the dust, that you had become a new and improved person- yet he was still the same old shattered one.

of course he knew you were going to change- become better. but he didnt know that it was going to make him feel like this- make him feel almost useless in a sense.

kylo laid down onto his bed and focused on the ceiling. he felt himself getting tired, and eventually fell into a light sleep.

"ben." kylo whipped his head around to the direction of the voice.

he wasnt on the finalizer anymore, he was in a wide and open field that had waterfalls off in the distance and flowers everywhere. kylos eyes landed onto a handsome young man that had a contagious smile.

kylo immediately knew that this was a dream of some sort. maybe a vision? a warning...or message? he honestly had no clue at all.

"who are you?" kylo yelled to them. he reached for his lightsaber but it was nowhere to be found. instead of his usual dark clothing, he was in his old jedi robes.

"follow me." the man said. kylo decided to obey him. he felt like he already knew the man, but he didnt know how.

the blonde haired boy suddenly came to a stop, and kylo just then realized that they were now on the top of a waterfall. it was such a beautiful sight. this entire place, this entire...dream so far was beautiful. being at the top made kylo feel at ease-which was extremely rare for the man.

"what is this place?" he asked.

"naboo."

kylo felt a bit dumb. he knew about naboo, but he never thought it was like this.

"the naboo you are familiar with isnt like this at all. you are thinking about the city, but this is the lake country. i like it out here better, but the city is beautiful as well."

kylo was confused on how this mysterious man could hear kylos thoughts. was he force sensitive?

"yes, but i am also dead." the man chuckled. "oh gosh, that didnt come out the way i wanted it to. im anakin. anakin skywalker."

the name rung several bells from kylo. he was obviously related to this man- hence the last name skywalker, but he didn't recognize him.

then he recalled what he had been told a number of years ago-

"grandfather?"

"ah, yes. im glad you remembered." he said as he put his hands behind his back.

"i thought that if you ever appeared to me, you would look like dar-"

"no. darth vader is gone...dead. this is what i truly look like, not that thing with a mask."

"what even is this?"

"no time for small talk, we will do that later- i need to talk to you."

"then go on" kylo said. he was extremely confused in the moment.

"you need to follow your heart ben. you need to stop denying everything and do what is right."

"what?" kylo knew exactly what he was saying.

"dont act like that."

"what happens if i dont? i have been hurt many times, and i dont need anymore of that. denying it makes everything much easier, so why not just continue with it?"

"just because it is easier, doesnt mean it is right. you must listen to me ben. i have been through this. i have made these mistakes and i am just trying to help you out."

"no. no...no you dont. you just want to hold me back- to stop me from being as strong as i could truly be. you are lying to me right now. you just want me to turn- to go back to my old, weak self. that isnt going to happen, i wont listen to you. you probably arent even my grandfather!" kylo ranted.

"ben-"

"stop calling me that!"

"you need to calm down. i will tell you once more and then i will leave you be...okay?" kylo didnt give any type of response back, so anakin decided to just continue on. "follow your heart...give it what it needs. dont be afraid, just let it in." with that, anakin gave kylo a simply nod and walked off.

kylo suddenly woke up with sweat-drenched clothes and shaky breathes. he was still in his daytime uniform, so he decided to just go and change.

he couldnt stop thinking about the warning his grandfather gave him- if that even truly was him. he knew deep down it was, but it felt werid to see him without all his dark clothing and mask on.

besides that, kylo didnt know how to handle the information/advice that was thrown at him.

should he follow his heart, and listen to what his grandfather told him? or should he rebel against it and continue the way he was living?

he knew it couldnt do the latter, but the first option didnt feel right. kylo didnt want to welcome suffering with open arms- well that is what it felt like he would be doing to him.

kylo regretted not asking his grandfather more questions. he regretted getting angry at the man and not listening to what he had to say. he knew that he was wise and went through a great deal of things, yet he pushed him away.

kylo sat back down on his bed and shut his eyes. he was wide awake now, so when he did that, all he could see was your smiling face and your glorious figure. he opened his eyes and walked over to the large window in his room.

"this is only going to get harder, isnt it?"

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authors note

ahh i dont really dig this chapter that much :// i feel like it could use some touching up, but for the time being- this will do. i have a horrible headache right now, so that may be the reason it sucks lol. interesting things are coming soon, so buckle up !!

                                                                    -i.t