broken as i • a kylo ren story

iii (xli)

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kylo trained for a good 20 minutes until he suddenly felt a strong pull in the force.

it was you. it was definitely you. you had arrived onto the ship.

kylo could feel his palms start to sweat a bit and the room start to spin a little. he took in a few deep breathes and tried to focus back on his lightsaber that he was holding and training with.

"avoid and dont think, avoid and dont think" he whispered to himself as he started to resume swinging his saber around his body in a elegant and sophisticated manner.

his mind started to wonder and picture what you looked like as you got out of your ship. he thought about how you would react if the first thing you were greeted with was himself.

would it have been positive? or...or negative? "avoid and dont think, avoid and dont think!" he started repeating to himself once again- each time he chanted it, his voice got louder and louder until it was at a full blown scream. "gahhh!" he yelled as he rushed over towards a nearby wall in the training room.

"why" he sliced through a mirror, "cant" he sliced through a wall full of blasters, "you" he sliced through a couple of chairs and benches, "get" he cut down the middle of a punching bag, "out" kylo chucked the lightsaber across the room with all his might, "of" he walked to another wall, "my" he raised his fist, "head!" he seethed as he made an extremely large divet in it. he made multiple holes in the wall and didnt stop until a small amount of blood started forming on his knuckles. he wiped his hands on his pants and extended his arm, his lightsaber flying right into his hands within seconds.

he opened the door with the force before he gave one last look at the destructed room.

the 3rd one. this was the 3rd fucking training room he had destroyed since you left.

or was it the 4th?

"you." he called out to what appeared the be a janitor that was in the hall. they immediately jumped, but were quick to turn and face him.

"yes supreme leader?" they said with fear in their voice. kylo found a bit of amusement in this because he felt like he was in control yet again.

"clean it up." he pointed over to the room he just walked out of. the custodian nodded their head and walked straight into the room.

kylo started walking to his room in a hurry. he noticed that the bleeding on his hands had stopped without any medical attention, and he was glad. when kylos room came into sight, he let out a small breath of relief. just as he was about to turn the knob to allow himself to walk in, a very painful and large pang in his chest was felt.

it was so agonizing that it made it stumble a bit while he quickly walked into his room. he immediately made his way over to his bed, the pain in his chest still occuring.

"what in the galax- y/n." he said out loud as he mid-sentence figured it out.

almost instantly after he said your name, the pressure subsided and he stood back up. he knew that the force had just warned him that something was wrong with you, and he was going to find out exactly what it was.

he walked into his bathroom and looked at himself through the mirror. "all you will do is see what is going on, nothing more." he said to himself.

he washed his hands and grabbed his lightsaber. before he walked out the door though, he closed his eyes to connect himself with the force. right as he did so, he saw a door.