broken as i • a kylo ren story

x (xlviii)

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kylo jolted up from where he had been sleeping for almost 14 hours.

"3:23? what the fu- that is like 14 hours! i have never slept that long in my damn life" he said out loud as he stared at the clock.

he got up from the bed and immediately headed for the door.

"lets get this done." kylo said as he took in a deep breath. as he did, a strong smell of sweat was inhaled-causing him to look down.

"fuck this" he ran over to the bathroom and quickly stripped his foul smelling clothing. he had been wearing the same uniform for almost 2 entire days-no wonder he smelled horrible.

he lathered the shampoo up in his hair before applying a generous amount of conditioner.

"how could i have even slept that long?" he questioned himself before washing his body with bodywash and stepping out of the shower.

he quickly reached for his towel and walked over to his sink. kylo brushed his teeth and washed his face, trying to wake him up even more. though he had a strangely long slumber, he still felt as if he could go for a couple more minutes of sleep. he needed to be completely energized before he entered the medbay, and so far he was pretty close to it.

he made his way over to his closet, and grabbed one of his many sets of identical uniforms. kylo smoothed it out as he entered his bathroom once again-starting to do his 11 step hair routine.

when he put the bottle of hair product down, he couldnt help but give a small smile to the idea of you always obsessing over it. he looked back at the mirror that was infront of him, staring at his reflection for a good amount of minutes.

it was almost like he was studying his own face-looking at each beauty mark, each imperfection, but mostly the large scar.

"you arent helping her because you love her. you are helping her because..." kylo couldn't come up with an explanation to all of it rather than the one that he denied to be true. kylo could feel the anger rising within him, and he didnt need any of it at all.

he was starting to second guess his decisions yet again- if what he was doing was what he was suppose to be. he took a few deep breaths, trying to level himself out as he tightened then loosened his fists.

"just...do it. you can do it" he told himself as he turned for the door of his quarters. he made his way to the infirmary quicker than he ever had, feeling his energy radiate off of him as he took each strong and confident step forward.

the doors to the medbay were suddenly right infront of him, kylo taking in a small and quick breath before entering. he didnt want to leave any time for his confliction to become the center of his thoughts again.

"supreme leader" the woman named aubree said as she bowed her head.

"she is still in the same room, correct?" kylo said as he eyed the medbay. it was busier than he thought it would be, considering the fact that it was 4 am. but, it did kind of made sense though.

"yes, of course." the woman replied.

kylo walked right past the desk and straight to the room you were in. he felt his anxieties rising yet again, and his hands starting to shake.

as he opened the door, he noticed that a woman was near your bed, checking your stats. she was looking down at her datapad, typing something as she eyed the machines you were hooked up to. her focus was completely and utterly on you, not even noticing his presence when he first walked in at all.