broken as i • a kylo ren story

xiv (lii)

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you crossed your legs and straighten your back. though you were almost completely healed, you were still attached to a few machines- but leanna said those would be coming off soon.

taking in a deep breath as you slowly shut your eyes- trying to distract yourself from your own thoughts of kylo with your bare hands, you felt yourself connecting with this force and your mind starting to clear.

it felt like a breath of fresh air, though you had literally just used it a few minutes ago. meditating and the force in general always brought you tranquility- especially since luke was the one who introduced you to it.

you knew that he would be proud of you controlling your pain and anger, and you wished that he could see how far you have come- though he saw a large part of it.

"but the thing is, i am."

you quickly opened your eyes as you heard what sounded like lukes voice speak from behind you.

were you actually going crazy?

you slowly rotated your entire body so that it was now facing whoever that was that was talking only a few seconds ago, and you gasped when them come into view.

"y/n." luke said with a small smile as you did a real dramatic and slow blink, trying to figure out if this was a dream. "i know, i look pretty good- no need to tell me." he joked around as you stood up and walked towards him.

"was is- why are you blue? how are you here? are you even really here?" you said as you waved a hand right through him. "ah!" you shouted as you jumped back a bit.

"i am a force ghost, that is why i appear blue to you. also, it isnt very polite to wave a hand through someone." he said as he sat onto your bed, your eyes still wide with shock.

"how are you sitting on this bed? what is going on?" you questioned even more, luke chuckling a bit at your reaction to all of this.

"calm down, it is no big deal. there are a good amount of light side users that turn into force ghosts afte they pass. obi did, my father did-"

"really? this is the first i have ever heard of this! well of course it is, but...you know what i mean!" you said as you too- sat back down on your bed.

"i apologize for not teaching you more about i-"

"oh please, you taught me more than anyone else has before! everything you enlightened me on i still think about and use on the daily, and i am forever grateful." you interrupted him yet again. it was so energizing to you to see luke again, and your enthusiasm was through the roof in the moment.

"well, i dont know about that one..." luke muttered to himself as he turned his attention to stare out the large window in your room.

"huh?"

"you know, ever since i became one with the force i kept a close eye on you."

"i knew it! i could almost feel your presence sometimes throughout the day. but when i was on the tie fighte-"

"y/n, you just said that you use the things i taught you daily- yet here you are dwelling on the past."

"i-" you knew he was right, and you were mad at yourself for being so hypocritical.

"like i said before, i kept and still am keeping a close eye on you. i saw what happened with that general, and i saw the way ben reacted. listen to what i have told you y/n- everything happens for a reason. i know you have been doubtful about that recently, but it is true. the force doesnt cause things to happen without reason- you know that."