Ruthless: The Sequel To "Clemency" ✓

Chapter 19

Shawn Carter,

"What were some things that you both took from the sudden passing of both of your babies?" Our long time grief counselor, Dr. Rashad, asked. "And how do you look at life now to back your stance?"

Beyoncé and I have been in grief counseling for the past five years since the situation with the twins and Dr. Rashad has helped us in so many ways. She's a lovely woman that's an expert at what she does.

Yes, it's been five years, but we don't see her as often as we did after it first happened. At first, we were looking at meeting with her three times a week, separately. Now we may meet once a month, together hand and hand. We came a long fucking way. Let me tell you! We have laughed and cried and shown every other emotion on this ride.

Now we're just praying for a healthy baby to bring home. That's all we could ever want and ask at this point.

"Um," I started.

"Yes, Shawn. Go ahead." She gestured.

"Well, I think for me," I wrapped my arm around Bey's waist, "It's matured us in way as far as growing into ourselves. I mean...at the time we're about like 22 and 24. That's about the average age most people would want a child, but I'll be honest and say neither of us were physically or mentally ready to have kids at that time, despite me already having two daughters."

Beyoncé agreed with a nod.

"I feel that even myself, honestly, I had some maturing to do. I still do. I was always picking a fight with my baby mother about my kids and then Bey was having to hear me out and try to help me. I just had a lot of my own personal problems that needed my attention more." I explained. "We we're getting ready for the twins as if they were coming home, no doubt, but I've always felt we weren't really ready to take on twins as a couple during that time."

"Okay, that's nice theory, Shawn." She said. "Bey?"

"Yeah, I agree." Bey nodded. "And to back that up, we've been able to really grow as husband and wife. There were times where I felt we wouldn't make it. I honestly felt like his mental was so bad with the loss that he would stray away and we'd eventually get a divorce. Thank God that didn't happen cause it definitely did help mature us as young adults. Now we're getting things right with out businesses and we're getting to see the girls back in California and everything else ahead of us. I always thought it was God's way of telling us we were not ready, but he had something better in store with just a little more patience."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"Well, I'm glad you two were able to hold on to each other and uplift each other in your times of grief. Just know that five more years from now, it's still okay to break down and grieve the two of them. They're parts of your souls for eternity. Whichever way you two feel you want to grieve is your way and no one can tell you to do it any other way. I'm really happy that you both stuck together and are now being blessed with another blessing on the way. What are we hoping for this one to be?"

Beyoncé looked at me with a huge grin.

"I still want my boy." I admitted. "I don't mind another girl though, so I'mma be happy with whatever. We just want a healthy baby to bring home."

"That's me too." Bey added. "We don't even care. We're happy with whether God blesses us with."

"Well, that's all that matters. Congratulations to the both of you again."

"Thank you!" We replied.

Once we finished up, we headed outside to get into her Benz. She was to drive today, so I let her. It's been two weeks since I left California, I miss the girls more than they'll ever know. I either wanna get back to them or tell Lori to bring them soon.