SKAM britain - shame

Wednesday - 8:19pm

Levi had decided he deserved a drink. He had hit rock bottom, and now it was time to celebrate with a drink. Brooklyn was at Ruby's and Lucas was out with his uni friends, leaving Levi alone in the flat to do whatever the hell he wanted. Deciding that a drink was a good idea, he pushed away from his desk and went to the kitchen, in hopes of finding something decent. 

He opened the cabinet where they usually kept their drinks, and found a bottle of gin that was half empty, a bottle of Malibu, and a nearly empty bottle of spiced rum. Humming, he pulled the gin out of the cupboard, and setting it on the counter as he opened the fridge. He grabbed the bottle of lemonade and slammed the fridge door shut. 

Levi then set the lemonade on the counter as he went in search of a glass, grabbing the pint glass that was left on the draining board. Ready to go back to his bedroom, he grasped all three items and made his way back to his bedroom. 

Shutting the door on his way, Levi set the stuff on his desk before pouring himself a strong drink, and downing it instantly. He poured another one, but only took a sip this time before making his way over to his bed. He put down his drink on his bedside table, and pulled open his laptop. The sky sports homepage was already open after Jaxon had used it this afternoon in school. 

A lump formed in Levi's throat as he stared at the game being advertised on the homepage. Liverpool were playing. Levi swallowed harshly before clicking on the game, and instantly his room was filled with noise from cheering fans, and the commentary of the game. Levi snatched his drink and took a large gulp, before putting it back. Fucking hell it was only a football match, he thought to himself.

"Get yourself to-fucking-gether." Levi mumbled to himself before sniffing. 

Levi could only watch the game for another 10 minutes until Liverpool scored, putting them ahead. All Levi could think was that is Grayson, was there, he would've been so happy, and would've celebrated like a fucking lunatic. The thought brought a small smile to Levis face, before it was washed a way by another thought. Levi wondered what Grayson was doing now. 

Was he watching the match? Was he celebrating with his parents? Or was he alone? Just like Levi was. The lump in Levi's throat formed once more and and he quickly shut the page, unable to continue, or he that he might actually burst into tears. Shaking his head, he snorted, how fucking pathetic am I?

Levi slammed the laptop shut and shoved it onto the other side of the bed. The side that Grayson himself had slept on just a few days ago. He sighed and picked up his drink and drinking was little was left in the glass, before pouring himself another one. No mixer this time though. Levi was on a mission.

He drank a sip, grimacing at the taste, and set the glass back in his place. Picking up his phone, he connected his phone to bluetooth speaker and put his music on shuffle. LANY quickly began playing softly through his speakers, causing Levi to let out a breathy laugh. The irony was not lost on him, despite the buzz of the alcohol beginning to kick in. He turned up the volume and let go. He began dancing to the song as he relived all of the interactions he'd ever had with Grayson in his head. 

"Is it even that bad, we could go back, we could go back." Levi sang along softly as he danced. Trying not to get choked up once again, he hummed along to the song and turned on his LED lights. Levi climbed up onto his bed and began dancing again, doing everything he could to forget those electric blue eyes that he loved so much. 

After dancing to a few more songs Levi flopped down onto his bed, out of breath and needing a rest. He picked up his phone off of his bedside table and opened his contacts. He need to speak to Grayson. Speaking to Grayson is a good idea. His thumb hovered over the call button before he pressed down onto it.

 He lifted the phone up to his ear and bit his lip as he listed to the dial tone. This was a bad idea. This was such a bad idea, he thought, clearly having changed his mind. The alcohol was becoming less and less effective at reducing Levi's anxiety, his doubts of Grayson answering rising. Finally, Grayson's voicemail answered. Levi listened numbly to the standard recorded message before the beep sounded off in his ear, startling him slightly. He thought of a million things he wanted to say but nothing came out. 

"I-I," he whispered stuttering, "I'm sorry Gray.... I can't."

Almost breaking his phone with the force he used to end the call. Levi's breathing became heavy,  and he grabbed the glass of gin, downing before slamming the glass back on his bed side table. Fuck this. Levi refused to feel like this any longer. The solution? Another drink.