(This entry was written today November 4, 2020).
Step mom bashed be again when she dropped me off for school. I swear she expects me to be perfect. She was bashing me about interrupting in conversations. But guess what bitch? That's how some conversations work. That's life. I'm so done with her at the moment. And she doesn't realize that I'm used to interrupting people now because I have to wear a mask now at school (everybody does now) and it's kinda hard to hear people. I never know anymore when people are done talking. Usually with masks, (in my experience at school right now) people will say something, take a long pause (that's when I think it's okay for me to reply) then speak again. That's my new normal. I don't know what she expects from me. Like I'm sorry that I'm not perfect, and not to your standard. I'm very sorry. But, if I were to explain to her about the mask thing, about me never knowing when people are done talking or not, she would just interrupt me and say that is just a excuse. I'm so done with this. Whenever I try to explain myself in any situation, she (sometimes my dad does this to) interrupts me and say that I'm just using an a excuse, when in reality I'm not using any excuses and I'm just trying to explain myself but they never realize that ever. I'm done with it. It's been happening really since the start of school in August. There needs to be a change. I don't know how to start the change, but I'm so sick of when I try to explain myself they (mostly my step mom) interrupt me (yet they say they never interrupt me) and state that I'm just lying, using excuses, and being a narcissist like my mother. I don't understand at all why they keep comparing me to my mother and when I ask for a explanation they don't say anything and just repeat what they already said: that I'm like my mother and that I'm not perfect. They need to both stop comparing me to my mother, I'm so sick of it. I'm okay with them saying that I'm not perfect and all, I get that. I'm a human. But for the love of God, stop comparing me to that troll. Oh! And another thing. When I call them out on their bull, they admit that they didn't do anything wrong ever. So...I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Most of this nonsense has been going on since the start of school like I have already stated. I'm just thinking of when they really want to talk to me, I will just not reply. That's really the only solution I can think of. I know, it's not a good solution at all but...I'm just sick of being stressed about silly little things like this. Also, when I try to solve stuff like this and try to explain myself, like just state that I'm being just like my mother. So I have no idea what to do anymore. I guess stop explaining myself whenever they ask me to because I do get to explain myself but when I do they don't really listen to me, they just state that I'm being like my mother and blah blah blah. I'm just done with it. Other this this though, everything has been going well. This has just been a reoccurring problem and I don't know how to fix it and I'm done with it honestly.
