(This entry was written today August 15, 2020).
Today, I learned my friend Abrar skipped a grade. This year, she was supposed to be a sophomore with me but now she is a Junior. Now, this shouldn't really effect me. It doesn't really, but at the same time it does. I'm only a month older then her (I believe) which makes me feel very insecure. It makes me very insecure because I could skip a grade just like her, but I can't really because I am horrible at math. This year, for math she is already taking Algebra 2, and I am only now just taking Geometry. I also had to take three years of Pre Algebra which doesn't help me at all. Now, I don't have any classes with her at all and after highschool she will have to move back to her homeland Iran. I just feel horrible. I even cried about all of this after she told me she got to skip a grade and that she is now a Junior. School starts the 24th and I just really don't want to go back now. Alot has changed. Abrar is now a Junior, and one of my other best friends is doing online school in Texas while living with her aunt and uncle. I just always feel like I don't change that much, and it makes me feel weird. The only new thing about me this year is that I got a job and that it is my first job ever. That's it. I don't change like ever and I always feel like the people my age are doing all of these different things meanwhile I am not. I have been feeling like this since seventh grade and it isn't a good feeling at all. I don't even know if this feeling has a label but I have been having it for a while now. I think it's part of my personal anxiety but I honestly don't know. I would love to know, so I would be able to learn how to have it less. I'm hoping one day I will not have it. But then when I do things, (like when I have big changes in my life) I get all stressed out usually. So, I don't really know what I want anymore. I want changes to happen but at the same time I don't at all. I just want some positive and exciting things to happen in my life. Bring them on! Like I'm talking about having a boyfriend, going on maybe a road trip, going to another concert, things like that! I know I'm not asking for alot at all. I am just sick of waiting for things to happen. I have always hated for things to happen. I barley have any patience.
