My Diary

Corona Virus Entry for November 13, 2020

(This entry was written today November 13, 2020).

I'm absolutely beyond pissed. My school has decided that all next week is going to be online. I don't think I can handle any more change this year that's caused by the virus. I feel like I'm going to explode from stress. I don't do well with change at all. I feel like I have had way too much change in my life, and this pandemic isn't helping that at all. I wonder what the junior high, the middle school, and the elementaries are going to do next week.

During this pandemic, I have felt the most isolated I have ever felt in my whole life, other then when I was getting abused by my biological mother. I am an introvert, but this pandemic has even made me feel lonely. Before the hybrid system, (before the two separate school groups for the high-school; when we only had to wear masks to school and nothing really was changed) I saw all of my friends (that I talked to on a daily basis) which was only about five people in total. With hybrid, I only get to see one of my friends (Macie) in one of my classes. But now, I get to see zero of my friends (including my boyfriend) for a whole week. And heck! I don't even get to see him anymore because of hybrid! I'm in the maroon school group and he is in the gray school group. (It's based off of our last names. A-K is maroon group. L-Z is gray group). Also, I'm going to die all of next week. I just got a update from my Digital Art teacher. All next week, for every one of my classes I will have to do a video chat for all of the five days of school next week. My soul has left my body for the millionth time. Video calls with lots of people just drain my energy so much. And now my step mom is yelling at me. Ugh. She is bashing me for complaining about this. Well guess what bitch?! I did not consent to this at all. It was not my choice. It was forced upon me. That's why I am whining and complaining. I'm done with this. I really want to drop out slightly now. I'm sick of my schedule for school getting fucked up all the time. I'm sick of all the changes. And when I state to any body that I am sick of these changes, I get bashed by every single person I speak with. I'm sick of it all. I just want to go to a little island somewhere, all alone and chill. With no people. I'm sick of people. The only person I'm not sick of right now is Garrett. My caring boyfriend. And to be truthful, for me personally I could do my all of my work for next week without those dumb fucking video calls. Because of those, I will have to wake up before eight am, Monday through Friday. I just wish things would go back to normal. Like I stated earlier in this same entry, I fucking do not like change at all in my life. I think some of that has to do with the fact that I had to move alot growing up. No body in my family was in the military, but I still feel like it was a bit much. Between me and my siblings, I am the one that has gone to the most schools. I'm just done. At this point, I just honestly want to take alot of NyQuil and never wake up until the world is back to normal. On a brighter note, I finished a painting yesterday. I call it Out Of This World. I love it so much! I painted it on cardboard. I like canvas much better.