be my mistake - the 1975
a day had gone by.
a day filled with doubt and hesitation, for mingyu to reveal his secrets to wonwoo. but still he couldn't, knowing it would most likely lead to a break-up. or worse, losing wonwoo forever. he knew that what he did was far from right, but his actions were explainable.
though maybe, he didn't want wonwoo to know about the specific reasons. he'd seen enough of his vulnerable side, mingyu found it terrifying to show more.
"hey wonwon, i think i forgot something at seungcheol's cafe last night." mingyu found an easy escape, knowing it was best to get his thoughts straight before confessing to wonwoo. "is it okay if i drive over to pick it up?"
wonwoo's head, that was placed on mingyu's shoulder as they found it a perfect position to watch a movie, peered up and showed a confused expression. "and why should you get my approval for that? if you forgot something you should go get it, i'm not one to complain about that?"
of course.. mingyu thought to himself. with every word he said he felt his level of suspicion rising up, though wonwoo didn't seem weirded out. in fact, he never mentioned anything about the lies mingyu had told him. perhaps he really didn't know a thing..
"i don't know, i just wanted to be sure." mingyu leaned in, brushing his nose against wonwoo's temple as he took in the warm scent of his hair. maybe even for the last time.. "because maybe you wanted more cuddles, who knows." he was quick to cover his serious tone up with a flirtatious comment, something mingyu easily did.
"oh shut up." wonwoo huffed in a playful manner before averting his gaze back to the television screen again. and when he did so, mingyu took his time to take in all his beautifully shaped facial features.
from the way his lips curled up a little to the way his nose pointed out. his sharp eyes with that deep brown color that had mingyu drowning. his beautiful curly hair that reached just till his upper eyelid and covered his forehead. even his pale skin seemed gorgeous to mingyu.
he could still not believe how wonwoo saw so many flaws in himself, while all mingyu saw was a flawless boy. no matter what.
and he hated that he would be the one to ruin everything again.
"mingyu. stop staring at me. you know i can see you right?" with tears brimming in the corners of his eyes, mingyu hummed, knowing wonwoo's focus lay on the movie right now. "but you look beautiful, how am i supposed to stop looking at you."
"oh mingyu, when will you ever stop telling me such cheesy things?" wonwoo questioned, still having his eyes glued to the screen, curious about a major fight that was taking place.
probably after less than an hour. mingyu thought to himself, knowing well enough he didn't deserve wonwoo after everything he'd done behind his back.
their relationship would never be the same again. trust like how it used to be would be impossible to rebuild, and mingyu was well aware that he was the one to blame. if he didn't make such stupid mistakes, he wouldn't have to do this right now. they could have stayed on that couch, watching movies all night like how they always used to do. and eventually they would go to bed and fall asleep in each other's arms.
one last time, mingyu tried to memorize all of wonwoo's facial features, his warm scent, his fluffy hair and they way his body lay against him. and when he felt like he was ready for closure, he pressed a long kiss against wonwoo's temple and ruffled through his black hair, in which wonwoo replied by leaning in closer and letting out a content hum.
"can't you keep doing that for a bit?" wonwoo asked shamelessly, knowing well enough that mingyu would give in anyhow. though this time it was different. "i love head scratches."
"i'll give you your head scratches when i get home, okay?" mingyu lied, knowing that when he'd get home later everything was going to be different.
"i'll remind you of it!" wonwoo assured, giggling in excitement. even the way he laughed managed to make mingyu feel even guiltier than he already did. and his way of handling things? escaping.
so mingyu got up from the couch without throwing a last glance over his shoulder. "i'll probably be back in fifteen minutes or something. bye wonwon!" and with that, he disappeared out of wonwoo's sight, walking into the unlit hallway to put on his shoes and get going.
he indeed planned to go to seungcheol's cafe, seeing it as one of the places he found comfort. perhaps he could ask seungcheol permission to go up at the balcony to smoke one, maybe two cigarettes without getting caught. the warm summer breeze from up there would do him good, and might freshen up his brain.
perhaps he would come up with a solution that could fix the entire situation. though mingyu knew, that in such a short amount of time he wouldn't be able to come up with something worthy. and even if he could, no excuse would be enough to cover up the things he'd done.
with a frustrated sigh mingyu hit his head against the back of the drivers seat, his fingers tapping along on the steering wheel as aggressive guitars and drums that blasted from the built-in radio. his windows were rolled down all the way, making the warm evening breeze blow through his golden locks of hair.
if the wind could only carry all his problems away along with it. then he wouldn't have to face the horrifying confrontation..
