chasing cars - snow patrol
the cafe radiated a warm atmosphere as the sun had fully set, the fairy lights at the walls giving it a rather cozy feeling. a small bell that hung above the door rung once wonwoo stepped inside, though before he had the chance to greet his friends jeonghan effectively shushed him by placing his index finger over his lips.
finding the whole situation a bit suspicious, wonwoo approached the counter in which he got greeted by a visibly worried jeonghan and seungcheol, whose eyes gave away that something was off.
"wha-" "shhh. mingyu came in about ten minutes ago and lets just say his behavior was rather questionable. did something happen?" jeonghan asked, making wonwoo cock a brow since he couldn't remember mingyu acting odd back at home. "that's.. strange? he's been the same as always today? where is he?"
"he's at the balcony." seungcheol pointed at the stairs, swinging a towel over his shoulder as he just finished cleaning a cup. wonwoo nodded and mouthed a small thanks before rushing upstairs.
the glass door to the actual balcony opened soundlessly, allowing a fresh summer breeze to meet wonwoo's exposed skin and tickle his senses. he found mingyu leaning against the railing, his back facing wonwoo as a cloud of thin smoke floated above his head. wonwoo shook his head in disapproval, seeing mingyu's habit of smoking hadn't stopped. yet still he approached the familiar tall figure, sneaking his arms around him from behind.
mingyu didn't flinch, nor turned around to see who was hugging him, which also seemed strange to wonwoo. the tall boy had always been one to take as much attention as he could get. then why didn't he do that now?
"i thought you said you'd stop?" wonwoo carefully spoke up, patiently waiting for mingyu to answer his question. though mingyu just casually shrugged, continuing with bringing the cigarette to his lips and inhaling the intoxicating fog.
clouds of smoke vanished in the darkness of the night, floating away with the calm breeze. even when the sphere around them seemed so perfect, wonwoo know there was something mingyu was about to tell him. he could tell by the strange way the boy was acting.
"nah. not really." mingyu replied unusually cold, the same rude tone wonwoo had heard once on the beach, when he was annoyed over the group of homophobic teens. the side he was known for through high school and exactly the one wonwoo tried to avoid ever since the start.
"hey, what's wrong?" wonwoo lay his cheek against mingyu's shoulder blade, clamping his arms a little tighter around his tummy.
"nothing. just let me finish this cigarette, i'll be down in a minute." mingyu answered in yet again that same emotionless voice. "why are you acting like this?" wonwoo asked carefully, knowing damn well that if he said too much, mingyu might snap.
"why? i'm just acting like always. god, you can be so annoying sometimes." mingyu huffed in annoyance, swatting wonwoo's arms away in a smooth motion, still not able to turn around and look the older in his eyes.
"is that what this is about? i though things were going perfectly fine between us?" wonwoo felt how his bottom lip started trembling, yet he managed to restrain tears from rolling down his cheeks. crying wasn't necessary in a situation like this and would make things only more difficult.
"good? you call a healthy relationship 'good' when one of the two is cheating?" mingyu mocked wonwoo's panicked tone by emphasizing the word 'good' twice, shocking wonwoo in the process, who felt like his soul left his body. "what are you talking about? i haven't been cheating on you?"
"exactly." mingyu shortly answered, finally turning around and directly eyeing wonwoo. his eyes showed absolute no trace of emotion, making wonwoo flinch a little when they pierced directly into his. this man that stood in front of him wasn't the mingyu he knew. it was nothing more than a familiar stranger with a void expression, that apparently had the ability to stare directly into his soul.
his words, combined with those hurtful orbs, made wonwoo's legs go weak, his head go dizzy and his heart break. it just shattered in a million pieces when he understood what mingyu was trying to tell him. "y-you.. cheated on me?" wonwoo whispered, having to reach for the railing to keep himself standing on his feet.
mingyu took a last sharp inhale and blew smoke up to the sky, throwing the still glowing cigarette on the floor. "i did." he confessed, not able to tear his cold gaze apart from wonwoo.
"but.. we haven't even been together for long." wonwoo exclaimed, wanting to wake up from this horrifying nightmare that felt so surreal. because of the panic that got stuck in his throat, he rebuilt the walls he let down for mingyu only, feeling himself closing up all over again.
and the only reply mingyu had given him was a short "exactly." before he turned around and finally broke eye-contact, nonchalantly walking to the glass door as if nothing ever happened.
"gyu?" it was the nickname wonwoo had given him over time that brought some sense of humanity back into mingyu, who felt unworthy of receiving any more of wonwoo's love. he preferred getting ready for their final goodbye. though he couldn't help but to turn around, wearing the expressionless mask once again before it would be over. "can i just have one more hug?"
mingyu wanted to get away, leaving the entire issue all behind him so he could move on. but how could he leave with the thought of refusing that one last hug, that would most likely haunt him forever. "sure." he huffed, allowing wonwoo to wrap his arms around his reasonable broad torso once more.
for the final time.
"i'm sorry i wasn't enough." wonwoo breathed out, having the hardest time not to cry when he inhaled mingyu's scent one more time. "thank you for the past few weeks."
that manly scent, that always managed to make him feel warm and safe, that now didn't have any purpose anymore. those warm arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, that now didn't matter no longer. everything, their hugs, their kisses, the way they slept together, had lost its meaning. and wonwoo couldn't help but to wonder, had it all been platonic to mingyu as well? even after all the promises he made?
"goodbye, wonwon." mingyu accidentally let the nickname slip, but brushed it off quickly by releasing himself from the hug. and just like that, he left wonwoo alone on the balcony in the warm night, never turning back as he stepped through the door and calmly walked down the stairs.
and wonwoo couldn't help but to watch his silhouette disappear, as he slowly sunk to the floor, his legs being too weak to keep standing on his feet. with his back pressed against the railing of the cafe's balcony, wonwoo allowed his tears to fall, heartbreaking sobs filling the air soon after.
it had been a warm summer night in the end of june when kim mingyu had left without sparing him one last glance.
