BREANA'S POV
"Are you sure you will be okay if you touch those things? I'm so worried for you" tumigil muna ako at tinignan ang magazine ni angel tungkol sa tamang gawin sa pagbubuntis. Piniplay ko nga ngayon ang tutorials niya sa tv. Nakita ko lang to kanina sa pinakasulok ng cabinet.
"H-he's still at work. He won't find out"
"Baby--"
"Mark"
*sigh*
"If you continue worrying me then I'll be forced to go there" yumuko ako habang naiiyak na tinignan ang litrato ni chase sa dulo nitong magazine. Tama nga siya. Alam ng buong mundo kung gaano niya kamahal ang asawa niya. Well, hindi na ako magaalala kung sasabayan ko siya.
"Just a quick look" niloudspeaker ko na lang ang cellphone at tinabi dahil nasa statement ni chase ang atensyon ko. He said, he never ever thought of someone better than angel and someone who can replace her to his heart. Angel is the only one he knew that is wife material. They encountered trials that separate them for a mean time but he loves it because he's still ended with his first love.
"Why are you doing that? It's obvious that you are better than her"
"I'm reading her articles. Not to look like his wife but to let him accept his child the way he want--and that is his wife's way of taking care"
"It's not like I agree with your decision but I want to die with you yet I want you to change it and be happy. Hindi naman ako takot mamatay, gusto ko lang kahit paano sumaya ka at mabago ang gusto mo"
"Did dad told you that?"
"Yes but we agreed. Mahal na mahal kita"
"Mark~" naiyak na ako pero pilit kong pinipigilan. Hindi ako makapaniwalang makita ang family picture nina chase at may i-isa pang batang babae. May isa pa silang a-anak??? Kaya ba wala si angel?? WHY WOULD I THINK HE'LL LOVE THIS BABY INSIDE ME!?
"Sandali. Magbobook lang ako ng flight. Uuwi ulit ako dyan"
"You don't have to. I'm okay" kinalma ko muna ang sarili sabay punas sa basa kong mukha. Dapat masaya ako. Hindi na ako magaalala "If I have something to erase, that would be putting him in a bad memory and making you mess"
"Hindi naman ganun kalala ang ginawa mo. Why are you sufferring?? He is just over acting. Why don't he just forgive you? Everything was an accident"
"Hindi ganoon?? You can't understand him--and so am I. The way I made him broke up with his wife wasn't good. And forgive? I can't even forgive myself then why would he?"
"Don't suffer forever--"
"That's why I planned it on my birthday. It's two months before I give birth--as if I can make it in nine months"
"I love you. Susubukan ko mabago isip mo kapag makita ang surprise ko. I am doing my best here to be a good doctor as blake and lolo zack. You can make it if you just want--" mabilis kong pinatay ang tawag at tv sabay tago ng magazine sa ilalim ng mesa nang magbukas ang pinto at iniluwa si chase na seryoso lang ang mukha habang pumapasok.
"W-w-why so early?" Napahawak ako sa tiyan tsaka tumayo dahil nakaramdam ako ng takot sa hindi ko matukoy na tingin niya. Hindi ako sigurado kung nahuli akong nangingialam ng gamit nila "You're supposed to be at w-work"
"This is my place. Where do you expect me to come?"
"I-I mean, you just left an hour a-ago--"
*cring* napatingin siya sa cellphone ko dahil tumatawag ulit si mark. Hindi ako gumalaw dahil tinapon niya ang bag sa tabi tsaka niluwag ang necktie. Will he b-beat me?
"Bakit hindi mo sagutin?"
"W-w-we can talk later"
"Ahh gusto niyo ng solo?" tumawa siya saglit tsaka pumasok sa kwarto kaya nakahinga ako ng maluwag kahit alam kong galit siya. That tells when he shut the door like it'll shatter any moment. B-but should I feel rela--
*BLAAAG*
*BLAAG* nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig yun sa loob. Parang nagwawala siya! Tinatapon ba niya ang mga gamit?! Yung takot ko kanina napalitan agad ng pagalala na baka nasasaktan siya sa ginagawa niya sa loob.
*BLAG* tahimik lang akong umiiyak dito habang napapatakip sa bibig dahil hindi pa rin siya tumitigil. Nanginginig na ang buong katawan ko. Wala akong magawa dahil baka sa akin--sa tiyan ko itatapon lahat ng sama ng loob niya.
*BLAGBLAG* matapos kumalampag ang pinto ay tumahimik saglit ang paligid at sumunod ang sigaw kaya mabilis akong pumunta sa tapat ng kwarto niya. Kahit wala akong narinig na pagbasag sa loob nagaalala pa rin ako na baka nasaktan siya!
"Get out of my way now" sabi niya nang buksan ang pinto at umiiwas pa sa akin dahil hinaharangan ko siya para hindi makaalis. Ginulo niya ang mga gamit sa kwarto nila! "You need someone to look for you while I'm at work!!"
"N-no. I don't want that"
"YOU'LL DO WHAT I SAY!!"
"N-no~"
"I BOUGHT THAT STUPID PHONE FOR US! YOU CAN CALL YOUR HUSBAND BUT NOT ME!! IMMA GIVE YOU A WATCHER AGAIN!"
"A-anyone but n-n-not gab~" napatigil naman siya tsaka tumingin sa akin nang mahawakan ko sa magkabilang braso. Pinilit kong hindi maputol ang tinginan namin para agad kong makuha ang loob niya.
Dahan dahan kong hinubad ang coat na suot niya habang hinihingi ang permiso gamit ang tingin. Hindi naman umangal kaya naalis ko agad at tinabi. Umiiyak din siya at pinagpapawisan ng sobra. W-what have I done to him?
"How can you lie to me and make me the worst person here? You lied and left as if nothing happened" parang tumigil ang paghinga ko habang sinusuri ang buong mukha niya. Bigla kong naalala ang batang pinaghalong chase at angel. That's why he is so mad at me for letting this happen. I-I can't fight with th-- "Do you ever loved me?? Because if you do, why can't do it again? Why is it so easy for you now?"
"I-I--" parang biniyak na naman ng ilang libong piraso ang puso habang sinasabi niya yun. Umatras siya at yumuko kaya napakagat ako sa labi. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? "I fooled you twice--about the baby and m-me. I just thought I don't have right to be happy because I made someone cry. I'm living on it"
"Is that enough to leave me?!" luluhod sana ako pero hinila niya ang braso ko at inis akong tinignan sa mata. I think, mark was right. I need to say something to him because I left him with all the lies and wrong decision.
"I'M SORRY. I am always feel sorry for everything. T-the only thing that made me feel a-assured is that y-you're in a good condition with the good person and a good family"
"Tch good?--"
"I'M SORRY. That lie made me decide to--j-just die. I'm really really sorry. I fooled you. It's still killing me. I can't even forgive myself. Now, that I am pregnant I'm afraid to be a failure again. You deserve to have this baby because I l-lied before. This one is real now. I want you to have this so I can die peacefully. I want to pay you back" seryoso lang siya kaya yumuko ako. Hindi ko kayang tumingala dahil mababa ang tingin ko sa sarili. Ang dali kong magsinungaling noon. Akala ko kasi ganun lang kadali ang buhay.
"Stop. I'm going to leave. I'm not staying here tonight" nilampasan niya ako tsaka may nilagay pa sa bag na parang walkie talkie. Hinimas ko na lang ang tiyan ko nang lumingon pa siya.
"You keep saying you wanna die. Do you want me to cry?? Magwala? Lumuhod?? Magmakaawa na huwag mong ituloy?? Paawa??"
"H-hindi. Sinasabi ko to dahil ayokong magsinungaling--"
"Hindi nga namin malalaman kung hindi sinabi ni ate dana noon"
"Because I was planning to tell it to the only person I want to forgive me"
"If I tell it, you will wish to leave sooner, right?--Then I will never forgive you"
*BLAG* sinara pa niya ng malakas ang pinto kaya hindi ako nakagalaw dito at tulala lang. Pupuntahan ba niya ang iba pa niyang kabit? He should stop. Angel is perfect for him.
