The Umbrella Academy Preferences

The Raccoon Incident

Since I keep bringing up a raccoon incident, a few people have asked for this...so here we go.

Klaus and Ben were like two halves of a whole idiot. Even though Ben was definitely the more intelligent of the two, anytime Klaus did something stupid Ben was always right by his side. Today was no different.

It was a boring day at the academy and all the siblings decided to have a get together. It was nothing special, they were just bored. This was never good because they were all a chaotic mess, and 7 chaotic messes together was never good. It was fun but never good.

Ben and Klaus were hanging out in the yard with Allison and Vanya. They were just messing around with some sticks when Klaus heard a noise.

"You hear that?" Klaus asked.

"Hear what?" Vanya asked.

"It came from over there." Klaus replied.

Being the curious person he is, he decided to go check it out. He walked over with his stick and peeked behind the bush. He grinned when he saw what it was, a raccoon.

"What is it?" Allison called.

"A raccoon!" Klaus called back.

"In the day light? Aren't they nocturnal?" Vanya asked.

"Yeah but they scavenge." Ben told them.

"Can we keep it?" Klaus asked.

"No." Vanya and Allison said at the same time.

Ben walked over to Klaus and peeked over at the raccoon, who was now staring at them.

"It's cute!" Ben squealed quietly.

"Ben don't encourage him!" Allison scolded.

"Come on, just leave it alone." Vanya pleaded.

Klaus looked at Ben, a mischevious grin on his face. Telling Klaus not to do something just makes him wanna do it more. Ben gave him a warning look and Klaus' grin just grew.

He took his stick and started to move it towards the raccoon.

"Klaus no." Ben pleaded.

"Klaus yes." Klaus replied.

"Klaus don't you dare!" Allison yelled.

"It's fine!" He called back.

"Klaus I don't thi-" Vanya started to say.

"OH MY GOD ITS GOT THE STICK!" Klaus screamed.

Ben yelled and backed away. The raccoon had hold of the stick with it's mouth. Instead of dropping the stick, Klaus kept hold of it and was trying to shake it off.

"Klaus drop the stick!" Vanya yelled.

"No I had it first!" Klaus yelled back, trying to shake it off.

"Are you high!?" Allison yelled.

"No!"

"Yes you are!" Ben yelled.

"Maybe I am!"

The raccoon grew angry at Klaus and let go, only to attack Ben. Ben yelled and ran away, hiding behind Vanya, who in turn ran inside. Allison backed away and ran in after them.

"Leave it alone boys and get in here!" Allison yelled through a window.

"No it attacked us!" Klaus yelled, trying to shoo it away.

"Yeah because you provoked it!" Vanya yelled.

"It was on our land!" Klaus countered.

"It's an animal Klaus, it has no boundaries!" Ben yelled, trying to get away from it.

Diego heard the noise and came outside. He saw Ben being cornered by the animal, Klaus with a stick, and the girls hiding inside.

"Okay...as much as I don't wanna know, I'm gonna ask. What is happening?" Diego asked.

"Klaus provoked a raccoon." Allison stated.

"And now it wants to eat Ben." Vanya added.

"I'm gonna hit it with a stick." Klaus announced.

"Don't you do it!" Allison yelled.

"I'm gonna fucking do it!" Klaus yelled back.

Diego facepalmed and shook his head. Klaus went to hit it with the stick only to have the raccoon turn around and attack him. Diego, as much as he wanted to just watch, jumped in to help Klaus who was now being chased.

"Shoo! Get out of here!" Diego yelled, kicking dirt at the raccoon.

"I told you idiots to leave it be!" Allison yelled.

"What's happening?" Five asked, popping up next to Vanya.

"Dumb and dumber provoked a raccoon. Now dumbest is in there too." Vanya explained.

"OH MY GOD LOOK IT HAS BABIES!" Ben yelled, peering over in the bushes.

"Ben don't you touch them!" Diego yelled.

"But, they're so cute!"

"Ben leave them al-" Allison started to say.

"ALLISON LOOK AT HIM!"

Ben had one of the babies in his hand, holding it up. Vanya facepalmed, Allison groaned, and Ben was petting the baby.

"Ben put it down!" Vanya yelled.

The raccoon looked over and lunged for Ben. Ben immediately put down the baby but tripped over the bushes right next to the nest. The raccoon was trying to bite and scratch Ben, who was trying his best to get away.

"Welp, I guess someone should film this." Five said, pulling out a video recorder.

Ben got out and jumped on Diego, who ran away. Klaus grabbed another stick and was trying to get the raccoon to back off. Luther then showed up and was very confused.

"Uh....?" Luther said.

"They discovered the raccoon living in the yard." Allison explained.

"And instead of helping you're hiding?" Luther asked.

"I'm not hiding, I'm helping by filming." Five replied.

"How is that helping them?" Luther asked.

"Not helping them, helping me. Blackmail." Five stated.

The trio spent about 30 minutes trying to get the raccoon to back off. After 30 minutes it was over and the raccoon backed off. The three boys made their way inside where Allison and Vanya were very annoyed.

"Why would you do that!?" Allison yelled.

"You three could have gotten seriously sick or hurt." Vanya scolded.

"We were here first." Klaus replied.

"I just wanted to pet the baby raccoons..." Ben whispered.

"I was there by association." Diego defended.

"Just leave the raccoon alone, okay? We need you three to not get any diseases." Luther said.

"Thanks for the great show. You guys did great." Five said, saving the video.

"Were you filiming!?" Diego growled.

"Yes, yes I was." Five said.

"That's it. The raccoon has got to go!" Klaus growled.

"I'll help!" Ben chirped.

"You just wanna see the babies again, Ben." Diego said.

"Precisely."

"You two don't go back out there!" Allison yelled.

"We're gonna fucking do it." Klaus said.

"KLAUS NO." Luther, Vanya, Five, Diego, and Allison yelled.

"Klaus yes."