The Umbrella Academy Preferences

Random Things He Says

Bold= him

Italics= You

Deigo:

"Baby have you seen my knives?"

"Y/N MY KNIFE IS STUCK INSIDE THE BLENDER AGAIN!"

"Okay, you know how I bet Luther 50 bucks that he wouldn't wax his body? Well he did and I need 50 bucks."

"......you did what?"

"But babeeee hurting people is only illegal if I get caught doing it"

"What do you mean you deleted Dr Phil!?"

"Okay, honey don't be mad, but I kinda sorta maybe got one of my pocket blades stuck in the light socket again.....I love you?"

"okay youre grounded from your knives for a week!"

"So you kinda have to fight this girl i pissed off in the store today cause she threatened to beat me up and I cant hit her so now you have to do it."

"......you did what?"

Luther:

"Do I go through mating season cause I'm part ape?"

"If we had a baby, would our baby be a hairy baby?"

"luther its 2 am."

"Y/N can you help me wax my body? Deigo bet 50 bucks I wouldnt."

".....and you agreed because...?"

"I swear I'm surrounded by idiots! Except for you. I love you."

"I ate two boxes of lucky charms and now I feel sick."

"Can I get sick still cause now I'm part ape?"

"I wish I wasn't so big. Some little girl at the park called me a gaint squish and it made me uncomfortable."

Five:

"Darling, one does not simply tell someone who's only 5'3 to stand tall."

"If Klaus says I'm like a toddler when I get mad one more time then can I kick out his kneecaps?"

"I'm a man!"

"five you literally just ate dinosaur chicken nuggets."

"I swear once I grow a few more inches you hoes are done for."

"If my pancakes dont have smiley faces on them then i refuse to eat them."

"But Y/N I only shot him cause he deserved it!"

"SOME OLD MAN CALLED ME A KID TODAY AND I KNOW IM 5'3 BUT I AM NOT A KID."

"....five you're literally 13"

Ben:

"I don't care if youre eating noodles i wanna cuddle!"

"Nooo I don't wanna go outside. The last time I went outside a raccoon attacked me!"

"What? Pfft no. These scratches on my back are definetly not from that stray cat you told me and Klaus not to bother...."

"But Y/N. It's a puppy! We have to buy hiiiim!"

"ben we already have 4 dogs!"

"I wonder how holy this water will be if I boil the hell out of it."

"im literally begging you to stop."

"Can you straighten my hair? Klaus said I looked like a mangled q-tip and it hurt my feelings."

"I totally did not just eat an entire box of marshmallows...."

Klaus:

"Im not high! You're just short!"

"Crabby Mcstabby is being so bossy today."

"who tf is crabby mcstabby?"

"Did I ever tell you about the time I ate glue? Ah, good times."

"It was Ben's idea to wax Luther in his sleep!"

"Don't get mad but I used your razor on my penis."

"KLAUS!"

"Baby I'm watching Rupaul's Drag Race so no, I will not stop so I can socialize with humans."

"Do you think they have bathrooms in hell? And if they don't do demons just hold it or do they just go on themselves?"

"klaus its 3 am."