Ace - Book 1

Chapter 52.

Ace

Wednesday 26th December 2018

        After dinner, I was helping Cynthia, Elle and Lydia pile up the dishes to take to the kitchen. Sawyer had helped Cady back into the living room and was most likely keeping her company, whilst Harley darted back to continue his game. "I can clear up, Lydia, it's the least I can do after that dinner," Cynthia offered with a genuine smile and Lydia looked shocked for a moment which suggested it wasn't a regular occurrence for her to be offered help.

 Lydia nodded. "That'd be great, thank you," she smiled.

 "I'll help too," I said, looking at Elle. "Sit down, you helped set up the table," I insisted and Elle went to shake her head and disagree, but Cynthia piped up again.

 "Yes, Elle, go and sit down! Spend some time with your family and let me spend some time with this handsome young man," she said, winking at Elle who just rolled her eyes and laughed. She shot me a look which read 'are you sure?' and I nodded, picking up a stack of plates to take to the kitchen to wash up.

 Elle and Lydia stacked the dishes beside the sink and then left, thanking Cynthia and I for offering to clean up. "It's no problem, go and put your feet up for once woman!" Cynthia shouted to Lydia once she had left and I laughed, scrubbing the bottom of a pan to try and get some roast potato off of it.

 Cynthia grabbed a towel from a drawer and began drying the dishes I had washed. "Why aren't you at your families for Christmas then, boy?" She said to me after a few moments, breaking the silence in the room. 

 I placed a soapy wine glass on the drying rack for her and then shrugged. "They don't really do much for Christmas, Elle invited me here so I wasn't alone and I really wanted to spend it with her anyway," I half-lied, when Elle invited me to her families house my heart literally soared. I had also had an amazing time, so I didn't regret not staying at my apartment all alone.

 Cynthia smiled. "Elle is a beautiful soul," she said and I glanced up at her to see a genuine look on her face. "She's my only granddaughter, you know? I had four sons and they all had three sons each, except for my Richard who finally got me a girl. So, you know, whenever you two think about kids, just expect loads of boys," she teased and I laughed.

 I had never really thought about kids with any of my past flings or girlfriends. I was a fucked up person, and I didn't fancy passing that on to anyone else. The thought of a little boy someday with Elle didn't scare me, though, it brought a small smile to my lips in fact. "I don't think we'll be ready for kids for a long time."

 "I don't know, we all have babies young in this family," Cynthia sung mockingly. 

 "I want to be able to support a family before I have one of my own," in more ways than one, I needed more money definitely, but I also needed to sort out my fucked up brain first.

 Cynthia nodded. "Very smart," she said, glasses clinging when she reached up to put a few wine glasses that she had dried up away. "You need to look after her, you know? She acts strong but she's not, and we all worry about her over here. We almost didn't let her go to college, her mother certainly took some convincing," Cynthia's face suddenly didn't look as gleeful, and a frown had taken over her lips.

 I put a bowl onto the drying rack and then moved onto the next one, scrubbing the dinners food from it. "She's okay, she's got me and a whole load of friends in California who look after her," I didn't know why Cynthia or Lydia were so protective, but I knew Elle was safe with me and her friends, and I wanted to reassure her family of that.

 "That night she went to the hospital, you did the right thing taking her there and calling her mother, but Lydia almost took her back home. She nearly lost that girl once, and she damn well won't get that close to it again," Cynthia said, dropping the towel onto the drying rack so she could pack the last few things away that I had washed.

 I turned around to face her, my whole face etched with confusion which mirrored how I was feeling. "What do you mean, 'she almost lost her once'?" I asked, drying my hands on my jeans.

 Cynthia looked up at me, looking quite shocked. "She hasn't told you?" She said and then swore under her breath, like she had done something wrong. "I shouldn't have said anything and it's not my place to say anymore, I'm sorry," she rather brashly closed the cupboard door that she was packing dishes into, and then left the kitchen. 

 I poured the dirty water down the sink from the washing up bowl, my brain trying to come up with any conclusion to what Cynthia had just said. I always imagined the worst, it was who I was, and so the conclusions I was coming up with caused genuine pain to my chest. They almost lost her? 

 "Hey, Gram looks quite scared... What did you do to the poor woman?" Elle's cheery voice and laugh sounded from behind me, and I turned around to face her with my eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong?" She asked, the smile instantly dropping from her face.

 "Your Gram... She said something, and I don't know what it means," I said, finally looking at her and she raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for me to tell her. 

 "If she hit on you, I'm sorry, she does that a lot-" she began her cute rambling and I shook my head.

 "She said your mom was frightened when you went to the hospital, because she had almost lost you once and didn't want to come that close again," I said, the words stinging my chest as they came out of my mouth. "What did that mean, Elle?"

 Elle quickly fell very quiet and I moved my eyes to look into hers, which were doing everything they could to avoid my gaze. "That woman, she says so many-"

 "No," I interrupted her, shaking my head. "I don't believe you, she sounded genuinely upset when she said that... Why won't you tell me what happened?"

 She finally looked at me. "You're telling me to open up? Me? You are the most closed book, you have told me your family have fucked you up beyond repair and that you've done horrible things, but you won't tell me any more than that! You're honestly expecting me to trust you with my biggest secret, when I don't even know the basics about you?" 

 I dropped my head and nodded. "Because if I tell you these things, Elle, you won't want me anymore."

 "You don't get to tell me my feeling about you, because it would take a damn lot for me to not want you anymore," she said, tears building up in her eyes and it broke me to see her so upset and vulnerable in front of me.

 "It's a damn lot," I said, barely above a whisper. "And I'm not ready to lose you yet, I'm sorry," I said, needing to get away from the situation we had gotten ourselves into. I walked out of the kitchen, directly to the stairs where I jogged up to her room, closing the door behind me so I could take a few breaths.

 Elle was bound to find out what I was hiding from her, and that was fine, but I knew as soon as she knew she wouldn't want to be mine anymore. She won't even want to know me. So, sue me for not wanting to tell her, but I am not ready to lose the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

 Not yet, not ever.