My Universe

CHAPTER 17

Finally Adrian and I had arrived at  his Island in Malta,  funny enough he had brought me to the very place I've always wanted to go on a holiday,

He and I were still at a terrible place,  we only spoke probably four times since we arrived here couple of days ago,

Whenever I would ask him a question he would just close his eyes and inhale slowly then exhale slowly too,

I knew I was annoying him but that wasn't my intention, I am only trying to get to know him, it's not like I am asking him to do anything else,

Since I had been trying to get him to talk and he seems adamant I decided to try a female approach,   that brings me to why I'm wearing a one piece bikini,  I want to go swimming and I'm hoping that maybe that will be the one thing he might find interest in.

       "Hey Adrian"
I called out once I skipped into the balcony,  he  was standing right before me but still no answer,

       "You've been working really much, so I was hoping that you would probably want to swim with me,   that's if you don't mind of course"

Not even my first runway show got me this nervous,  I looked up at him only to find his eyes roaming my  body with absolutely no emotions in his face to give me a glimpse of his thoughts on how I looked,

I could only hope that I seem appealing to him right now so I let out a soft smile, and shyly looked away,   I waited for him to say something and he did,
But what he said instantly broke every wall of imaginary self confidence I thought I had built all those years ago,

      "You dressed in close to nothing with a scar like that to go out there for a swim?   If you thought this was pleasant to  the sight then you better think again "

And with that he strolled away,

Leaving me alone on the cold floor where I had found myself when my legs couldn't hold me anymore,

      Please No, please God-
   
  I couldn't hold the tears that came rushing down this time cause he was right, 
No concealer could hide this painful truth cause  it was always going to be there,

What made me think I could escape myself and the memories,   I thought I had moved passed it,     I thought I was in a better place,   I thought I could forget but now the ugly truth has reared its self and it has made it clear that I could never escape.

Slowly but surely I crawled back to my room and back in bed where I covered my entire body with the blanket,   ashamed and disgraced,    disgusted by my actions,   and called out by my conscience for being so foolish,   

What was I thinking?    The man has a woman as perfect as Arabella,  she is everything I can only imagine to be,   all I have that seems special is the title of a rich woman,   I will never understand how I even excelled in a career such as modeling considering the dent  and stain that now occupy my once spotless skin,

I dreamt and thought I could achieve the impossible,

Adrian Smith will never love me because  truth be told I am unworthy of him,    I will only be to him what I always was to the others,

        A Wallflower  !!!

                **********

I guess I'd slept off cause I was awokened by the keeper who kept knocking incessantly on the door,  when I opened it she had invited me to dinner,   I told her I wasn't hungry to which she frowned,   she stood there staring at me then stepped closer,     instinctively I stepped back,      she gave me a soft smile,   took my hand in hers then said,

         "Everything isn't always as it seems,  I promise you that all will be well beautiful one"

With that said she walked away not before telling me that if I felt hungry I would find something in the fridge,

I went inside and proceeded to freshen up,  
After which I took out my computer and Video called Jace,

We went through different opinions and suggestions for the event we were planning,    and finally we had agreed on my original idea,    and fixed the event for a month from now, 

Time is always of essence if it concerns dangerous health issues.

Once I was satisfied with what Jace and I had planned, 
I took out my phone to call back Meghan who had been bothering my phone with calls and texts saying how important it was,

I knew it wasn't worth it but I still did,  and just as I had guessed it was pointless,

Meghan wanted me to endorse her as the next face of Moon's Lip gloss,     a line I had created a year ago after I had won the miss Universe,   

Of course I flat out declined her proposal,   first off Meghan presented herself as a business woman who saw modeling as beneath her status not that I understood her logic,     secondly she was clueless about these things,      thirdly  I planned on making an open audition for my fans so I could select the models for the shows, and also sign the next face of Moon's gloss,     my fans brought me this far so whatever  job opportunity I had I always made sure to pass It  to them,

When I explained this to Meghan she threw a fit and called me names then hung up on me,  I understood her anger but I just couldn't bring myself to enrich someone who already had enough to continuously throw around.

Once I put away my work materials my stomach began growling like I hadn't fed It  for years now,

I sighed then got up from the bed and started heading downstairs not completely forgetting who  I needed to avoid considering I felt some type of way right now,

I got to the kitchen and found him there shuffling through cupboards and banging them shut making me unconsciously yelp ,  he turned around so fast I thought he'd fall,

I ignored him cause I still felt ashamed of myself,   I proceeded to the fridge and opened it,  what I found in the plate made bile  almost rise in my throat,    she had made meatloafs and lord  knows what else that was,

I held the plate for a while then concluded that although my life was worthless, there were better ways I had actually imagined my death,    it was nowhere close to food poisoning,

I put It  in the oven and warmed it up,  then pulled cutlery from the holder before proceeding to the living room,
Once I got there I saw him sitting there like he wouldn't survive tonight,

I know he hurt me but that didn't mean I stopped loving him,
With that thought still in mind I proceeded to place the food on the stool  pushing It  towards him, then asked him to go ahead and eat,

I turned away from him and went back to the kitchen to make myself something to eat.

Probably an hour later I had finished eating and cleaning my space,   I went to check if he probably ignored his stomach just because he hates me but surprisingly he didn't,   he ate all of it,     I smiled a little knowing that this was a good sign,

  He doesn't have to love me back,   I just need him to see that I'm standing right there.

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And stay beautiful or handsome...
That's all you gotta do for me