The Friendly Bean

Chapter Thirty Six

CHARLOTTE POV

I gently rocked Ryan, his eyes moving but not focusing on any particular thing. My baby boy didn't take long before he dozed off, one tiny fist clenched tightly and the other holding onto my top. I put him next to River, having a hard time getting him to let go. Their usual position caused a smile on my face.

I wiped the tear that fell, something I was tired of happening. My chest felt heavy, my mood hardly lifted and I was tired of the sadness. My hormones were all over and it annoyed the fuck out of me. I tenderly kissed both babies' heads and walked out of the nursery after taking up the baby monitor.

Entering Logan and I's bedroom, I switched my top for one of her shirts before getting into bed. I pulled the covers over me and closed my eyes. It didn't take long for sleep to come, considering I barely slept in the past few nights.

A knock came, then the door slowly opened. I slowly peeked my head out and saw my best friend coming near.

"Hey, you. Luke and I already fed and got the twins ready for the day. He just left for work." Jazz said sitting next to me. "You gotta pull yourself together, Char." She said, stroking my hair.

"I'm trying, but I don't feel so good." I whispered.

The only reason I made it through were Jazz and Luke, but when I was in this house, our house. In our bed alone, I break. The entire room smelt like her. I smelt like her, maybe because I wore her clothes, a lame attempt at feeling close to her.

"I'll make you something to eat. Come down when you're ready." Jazz pecked my forehead and left.

I got up from bed and did my morning routine. I managed to look somewhat decent, though my eyes were still swollen and my nose red. The smell of bacon filled the house as I walked down the stairs. The boys laid in their crib in the living room, while Jazz made breakfast.

"Thank you for being here." I said taking a seat.

"Anytime, it's practice for me." She said, focusing on the stove. It was silent until she spoke again. "Amy fucked you up."

"What?"

She turned around and leaned against the counter, voice calm. "She broke your faith in relationships and now you're projecting that onto Logan."

"I'm over what Amy did. This is about Logan and I. I saw pictures that included my girlfriend's arms around another and pictures with their lips together. I fucking reacted in that instant. Sure, I broke what we had and I'm pretty sure I broke her heart, but my head was a fucking mess." I hissed quietly, mindful of our sleeping babies. "Do I think now that Logan would cheat? No, I made a mistake. Should I have believed her then? Yes, but I'm human and nowhere near to perfect."

Jazz threw her hands up. "And what are you going to do about it?"

"Get her back. I...just don't know how." I sighed. "Yet."

I didn't wait for a respond as one of the babies woke up. I wiped my eyes and picked up River. He was a little more demanding than Ryan. Ryan was quiet and easy to please but River, he demanded attention. I sat on the couch to nurse him. I gently rocked him, trying to put him back to sleep. It took a while but he eventually did. They grew a bit recently. I felt a shot of regret pass through me as I thought of Logan not seeing everything I was.

Of course, she could see them as much as she wanted. I would never keep her away from them. I knew it wasn't meant to be like this. We were supposed to experience every part of this together. Every time Logan asked to be here, I accepted but never asked her to leave. She sometimes stayed way past midnight and each time, I wished she'd walk into our room when it was bedtime.

I placed River back in the crib. They both had Logan's lips and nose. It made me smile thinking about it. They'd be heartbreakers if they grew up to look like their other mom.

She really was beautiful.

Jazz was looking at me from the kitchen. I walked back to her and sat down.

"I'm sorry." My friend said softly.

I shook my head. "You have nothing to be sorry for." I paused. "She should be here. Logan. She should be here with them too."

"She should." She agreed.

That night I laid in bed, her shirt on while a pillow failed to replace her warmth. I thought about earlier, about wanting her to see the boys as much as I did. Surely, I could put aside my feelings for their sake.

I stretched and picked up my phone. Searching my contacts, I came across her name. My thumb hovered above her number but I couldn't do it.

I got out of bed and started pacing around, thoughts running through my mind about her not wanting me anymore. I started listing my faults. I was short tempered, I sometimes reacted without much thinking, I was bossy and whiny.

Logan was sweet, caring, understanding and faithful. Would she even want to be with me anymore? Okay, so we had kids now. People had kids and broke up all the time. I knew without a doubt the blonde could do better than I, anyone would be the luckiest to have her.

Despite all my flaws, I also knew I loved Logan. I was in love with that adorable human. I loved her shyness when around anyone she didn't know, I loved how she'd look at me whenever she cooked a new recipe as she waited for my opinion. I loved how attentive she was, how she made me feel about my body and the changes it went through. I loved how shy Logan went away whenever we were in bed and I loved the way she loved me.

I also liked to think that there was something about me that made her fall. Logan had once listed out some of those things one night my pregnancy got the best of me. My work ethic, my cravings for hugs and kisses. Something about the way I looked at her and the way I took care of her the very few times she was drunk. She'd said that since she met me, she also grew more comfortable with her body and the way she was born. I was especially happy about that last one.

Summoning all my big girl courage, I dialled the dirty blonde. I waited a few seconds until she answered.

"Hello?" She whispered on the other end.

I took a few seconds to soak in her voice. "Hey, I wanted to ask a favor." I said nervously.

"Sure, anything." She said more loudly.

"Um," I shut my eyes. "I broke a pipe. I mean, the sink. The pipe is broken and water is just.....all over." I put my palm to my forehead.

This is not what I called for.

"Oh. Okay, I'll be right there." I heard movements on the other end.

What? I can't break a pipe now.

"Wait." I hurriedly said. "It's late. You can do it tomorrow."

A pause. "But if water's leaking, the house will flood. It's fine. I'll come."

"I'm probably exaggerating." I raised one hand over my head as I thought about how stupid I was. "Tomorrow's fine."

"But the house..."

I smiled at her worry and admitted. "The pipe isn't broken."

"Why did you say it was then?" Logan mumbled and I could picture her frown.

I bit my lip and sat on our bed. "I.....wanted to tell you.....to come back home and...Can you come home?"

Logan didn't say anything for a while and the silence stretched. Long enough for me to think I was too late.

"With you?" She asked.

"Yes, and our babies."

"And our babies." She repeated. "Okay, I'll be there tomorrow."

We said our goodnights and ended the call. I took noticed of my rapidly beating heart and the lighter feeling in my chest.

I fell back on the bed and resumed my position. I breathed in, inhaling her scent. It gave me a little solace, that'll have to do for now.

-E