random a$s aot oneshots/headcannons

🖌️Ymir x Reader x Historia "Painting"🖌️

based on the previous canon heh 

in this oneshot, you, ymir, and historia are in a poly relationship <3

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"This is gonna be so fun!" Historia squeaked as you and Ymir walked alongside her. All three of you were happy to try some painting since you had nothing better to do.

"What kinda music should we listen to while painting?" Ymir asked with a sexual-looking smirk. "Can we just play Daddy Issues on repeat?" 

"Well, what about Cavetown?" You suggested as you entered Walmart with your two girls. Historia thought for a moment, then her blue eyes lit up.

"How about Melanie Martinez?" She asked in that sweet little voice of hers. Ymir nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket. For a case, she had a blue fire background with a cool looking picture of Kakashi from Naruto. 

"I'll make a playlist, mixed with Melanie Martinez AND Cavetown." She proudly announced as we walked down the art supplies aisle. Down the aisle some, there was an old bitchy looking man with gray hair. He gave you three weird glares while you giggled and talked about what you would paint. When Ymir saw him, she narrowed her eyes and marched up to him like the bad bitch she was.

"Hey hey, I see you glaring at us. You jealous that you ain't getting any?" Ymir teased him with a smirk. The man only shook his head and looked at you and Historia judgmentally.

"I just think it's weird for three people to be in one relationship." He finally said in an ugly voice.

"Well ya know, it's also weird to be some old judgmental guy in Walmart, who has a shit ton of glitter in his basket."

"It's for my granddaughter."

"It's for your fetish. Your glitter fetish. I bet you wear your wife's panties and dance on a pole for a living." The old man only rolled his eyes and walked away. Ymir laughed, whipped around, and strolled back to you and a proud looking Historia.

"Yeah, you go Ymir!" Historia cheered. Ymir just laughed and wrapped both of you in her arms. 

"I'm the coolest person you know right? Ha, let's get the paint shall we?"

"You really ARE the coolest person we know." You said sweetly. 

[time skip of one hour brought to you by a Bakugo explosion ;-;]

"Wait wait wait. I have a question." Ymir suddenly looked up from her canvas and confusedly looked at you and Historia. Oh, not another one of the questions, you thought to yourself. Ymir's questions were always interesting, but they were often weird and gross.

"What is it Ymir?" You asked with a chuckle.

"Okay, so here's an example: Let's say that Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie are all havin' a threesome. When Reiner and Berty cum inside Annie, is there some kind of scientific reaction to both of their cums mixin'?" Ymir asked as casually as possible. You raised your eyebrows and looked to Historia, who already had her head down on the table.

"Well, would their cums even touch each other? I mean, they're both in different holes right?" You debated with Ymir. 

"Yeah, but if it, like, leaks out and mixes, will it create a chemical explosion and they all die?"

"I don't know, I guess I've never tried it before." Ymir only shrugged and resumed painting. Historia, after about 4 minutes, came back up and continued painting her beach scene.

Another 20 minutes later, Ymir laughed and held up her canvas for you and Historia to see. Historia moved her head up with a smile, expecting to see a pretty tree or a mountain. But no. On the canvas was something a bit...weird.

"Heh, look what I painted." Ymir proudly stated, "It's a cock going into a pussy." Historia only squeaked and slammed her head down again. You nodded, actually impressed by the explicit detail of it all.

"Oh...uh...wow Ymir, that's really...detailed?" You stuttered out, almost at a loss for words. 

"Yeah innit nice? Next I'm gonna paint the commander bangin' the captain." Ymir happily replied and grabbed a fresh canvas.

"If Erwin finds that, he'll-"

"Yeah, I'm gonna hang it in his office when he's not in there." You scoffed and resumed painting the road and lake you were painting. Ymir may have been weird, but nonetheless, you were in love with that weirdness.