Our Love

*Eighty-Two*

Ming's POV

Time seems like it's not passing by. I swear I put a 5 minute timer on my phone like 10 minutes ago and it hasn't gone off.

I've been consistently taking my fertility medication just like it was prescribed. This is the 12th test that I've taken and the highest number I scored was a 2.

But Today felt different. Maybe Today is the day that I'll discover if it worked.

According to the box If this test shows a fertility score of 5 or higher Kit and I have a 37% chance of conceiving a child.

I want a baby so badly. Getting pregnant is the only thing in my life that hasn't come easy to me. I've never had to fight this hard for something before. But I want this baby. I want to get pregnant. Kit and I deserve to welcome another beautiful child into our lives. Rose is the sweetest little girl and she deserves to be a big sister.

We deserve happiness. My heart nearly broke in half when Beam and Forth announced their pregnancies. They weren't even trying and both of them conceived within 2 weeks of each other. Yes I'm happy for them and I pray that both of them have easy and healthy pregnancies but I still can't help but be jealous.

The one thing I wanted for myself, was something that was being celebrated by my brother and one of my closest friends.

I'm part of the 9% of men who are carriers that have trouble conceiving. It doesn't sound like a large number but it boils down to 3,100,970 men. That's a lot of families that are dealing with this issue. Even though I am struggling I am still blessed because I can afford the $7,000.00 for a 21 day supply of these pills.I can afford the $43,000 it'll cost us to go the artificial insemination route. If I still can't get pregnant I can afford the $39,673.92 in adoption fees or the $130,000 it'll cost for a surrogate.

Kit and I have options. Even though we are struggling to add to our family, we are still so blessed. There are so many people who can't have children because the cost is too expensive. That's why when I went to an infertility support group for men and saw the same level of devastation in the eyes of others like me, I went to my parents and told them.

I broke down. For the first time since being told that I won't have a child without some form of medical intervention, I didn't feel alone. My mother held me as I cried. My father got on the phone with a major news broadcasting company and demanded that more information should be brought to the issue.

That's when I asked my parents if I could hold a press conference. I hurt having to share my struggles to the world but it needed to be done. My father also vowed that if any couple or individual male or female came to any one of our families medical facilities around the world for fertility treatments or wanting to adopt, it would be of no cost to them. Having a family shouldn't be something a person should have to struggle with. Our family has so much, we have more than a family should have, but we were determined to give back. 

No one really thinks about fertility issues unless you or someone you know is dealing with that issue.

My thoughts were interrupted by a beep. The beep that signaled me to look at that test that laid on the bathroom counter top.

I was still too scared to pick myself up off the floor. What if I'm not fertile? The thought alone was enough to make me hyperventilate.

How could a small piece of plastic cause this level of anxiety?

Somehow I managed to swallow my fear and pick myself up from the cold tiled floor.

The steps I took to get to the counter felt like I was walking a mile.

Once I got closer to see the results, I cried.

I didn't hold anything back. I was letting out all the hurt, all the sadness, all the pain that I kept inside of my soul.

For the first time in a long time I felt something other than those emotions.

I felt hope because that small piece of plastic read "10" The highest score someone could get. A 10 out of 10 meant that there was an 86% chance of getting pregnant.

The medication worked.

I was fertile.