The Diary Of Gabriel

He hit the bottom

Arthur said "I want to know how the actual event happened dad, is that your way of keeping me hooked to you? Well, it's not like I don't like to hear you talk, but you know when you're just waiting for the main event to happen, I still have some time. I guess I will keep talking to you then"
Arthur started reading again.

"You know, every top has a bottom to it, and today, I think I hit that, I think I hit it hard. I will tell you what happened.
See my birthday came, and her gift was a letter that was saying how much she loved me, and how much I'm the best friend she ever had, and it was something that made me feel warm, I got her a piano on her birthday, and it was all good, until someday, she wanted me to act on a play that was performed by other students like us, and because I looked older than them, my role was perfect on me, after a lot of talking about it, she got me to agree, and we talked a lot about it, because there's a part where I would have to kiss her, and everyone actually liked the play because of what I did to the acting. I was supposed to die in the end but I didn't let the other guy that loved Ana kill me that easily, I just said some lines and then I died peacefully, but see, here's where the problems started, I just started to get my bond stronger and stronger with her for two years, she was basically the only person that I didn't feel negativity whenever she would touch me on purpose or not, and yes a lot of birthdays happened, only two really, but that's a lot, and I did have feelings for her, but each time I would think about telling her that I loved her, I think again, and I just know that she would despise me if she knew who I really was or what I really did, so I just kept my feelings for myself.
Until yesterday came, we were celebrating our last year of college it was a small party at Liz's apartment, the first thing I noticed is that there were drums and guitars there, and after about half an hour, Anastasia stood in front of the microphone and the guitars and drums found their players. She looked at me and said "this one's for you Gabriel, because I've loved you for more time than I can remember, and you've been too much of a pussy to take the first step like all men do, so here I am taking it for you"
I was very confused, but if I'm being honest, I felt butterflies with her just looking through my eyes. The song she sang, it was talking about how much I'm perfect and how much she's the exact opposite. When she finished the song she walked slowly towards me with everyone looking, and she said with a very calm voice "I love you Gabriel"
And she kissed me, but this kiss, it wasn't an act, I kissed her back, and as everyone clapped their hands like idiots.
I said to Ana "let's go somewhere empty"
She nodded with her head as she walked with me outside the apartment and down to the street. I looked at her and said "look Ana, I love you, I love you more than you could imagine, but..."
She said with a frustrated tone "but what? Why did you have to say but?"
I said "I just can't be in a relationship, I'm not made for it..."
She said with the same tone "but we basically were in a relationship for the past three or four years!"
I said "but I can't give you what you want me to give you..."
She said yelling "just because you have scars? And yes Gabriel I know about them, I'm not stupid. The way you only wear clothes that aren't tight enough to show your body details, and how you just refuse to show anything below your shoulders. It's not like I love your body, for all I care it could burn in hell and I would still love the person that is you"
I just looked at her and I said "I just can't... I'm sorry, let's go home and talk about this"
She said backing a step away "I'm not going anywhere with you!"
I said "then where are you going?"
She said "I am going to the closest bar I find, to get drunk and forget about you, you manipulative fuck! At least the guys I knew were honest and they spoke their mind, what do you have that you can't say? Why are you so fucking mysterious? Did they cut your dick off? Is that what it is? Because I gave you every chance to touch me sexually and you never did, but you just kissed me back in there because you didn't want me to break in front of you, an amazing person you are!"
I was going to talk but she said "shush! Don't talk I don't want to listen to any of your lies again"
I put my pocket knife out as I said "put this in your bag at least"
She grabbed it roughly as she said while walking away "I just wish I could fucking stab you with this!"
And so she walked away, I wanted to follow her but I didn't. I wish I did. I waited for her to come back, and she did, it was after midnight, it was raining that day, as she came in she was crying, but one thing I noticed, there were small drops of blood on the end of her sleeves, it was barely noticeable when I saw the blood, my main goal was to find out who's blood it is, but I thought that if I asked her she would lie, so I just acted like I would normally do, I opened my arms to hug her because she was destroyed. I said "change your clothes so that you don't catch a cold again"
She did, but right after she opened her door I got her clothes to put them in the washer, and I hid her sweater, after I did that I asked her again "can you please tell me what happened?"
She said "I don't want to talk about it, can we sleep just for now?"
I knew that when she said let's sleep she meant that she wanted me to sleep with her, because she's just scared, she only does that when she's scared or sick. We were both sleeping and as usual I gave her my back because it's just what I do when that happens, but I turned around only because she wouldn't just stop crying. You know when you just see someone in pain and you just try to make them feel better? Well, I did that, I just kept hugging her and patting on her back and I kept saying "it's okay, everything will be okay"
I just waited for her to fall asleep, so that I can see if the knife I gave her had blood on it or not, so that I could go to Isaac, and ask him to test the blood on her sweater and the Knife, to see if it's hers first, because if it isn't, I would have to act on it... I wasn't happy about it, but she killed someone, and that someone was recorded that night that he was murdered in an alley, an empty one of course. And as I feared, the DNA on both the Knife and the sweater, was the dead man's DNA.
My head was killing me, because I had to kill her, so when I got back home, she was still sleeping, when she woke up, I asked her to go to the beach house with me, and she nodded, she didn't really say anything, she just looked sad, my plan was to make Isaac stop with his car in front of us, because I asked him to stay on the road to the beach house, and have a gun with him to make us stop and, he had two needles with him, two tranquilizers if I'm being exact, and Ana looked scared as he said "both of you raise your hands"
He had a black mask on him, as he walked closer to us to inject Ana with the Tranquilizer, I could feel her getting closer to me, as a way of getting safe, but he injected her and I let him, even though I could've broke his neck in two seconds. We got to the warehouse where I was supposed to kill her while he waits outside, I got dressed with the clothes that Isaac Gave me, and I tied Anastasia to a chair and put the tape recorder next to her and had my pen and paper with me, to ask her questions. I moved her a little to wake her up faster. As she woke up she kept looking around and she said "where's Gabriel?"
I wrote to her "Answer my questions first and then we can talk about everything"
She said "I'm going to die anyways just don't hurt him, he didn't do anything, unless you count breaking my heart"
I wrote "he's okay, you have my word"
She said "fine here are your usual answers for your usual questions, I'm Anastasia Hugh, and I killed the man in the alley, and I don't know his name, now can I ask you my questions?"
I wrote "you haven't answered the last one"
She said "I will tell you after we talk. I've wanted to have this talk with you for so long"
I stopped the tape recorder as I wrote "speak your mind"
She asked "do you know who I am?"
I wrote "Anastasia Hugh!?"
She said "then you don't, but before I tell you who I really am, can I get a confirmation that you're actually the executioner"
I wrote "and how do I confirm that"
She said "you already did right now by not trying to confirm it"
I wrote "tell me then, who are you?"
She said "do you remember the couple killer"
I wrote "yes?"
She said "do you remember the couple that actually died? The ones you left a message by their bodies to their loved ones?"
I wrote "I remember all that, get to your point please"
She said "I was their loved ones, their only daughter if I'm being specific. See, the message you left, it was like a dot of light in the middle of infinite dark hells, I even thought about killing myself, but after a while I met Gabriel, he was just as sweet as they make them, maybe he had a lot of walls on him, but inside all that he made me feel safe, I think he might've been through hell, maybe that's why he was the way he was, but I know he cares for me, all I'm asking you, is when you kill me, just make it into a clean quick kill, don't devastate him by torturing me"
I was burning with things that I couldn't explain on my inside, I was feeling good that someone felt that way about me, and at the same time bad because I was about to kill that someone with my own hands.
After all she said, I just wrote "why did you kill the guy in the Alley"
And I turned on the tape recorder as she said "there was three of them exactly, they were planning on raping me and taking turns while doing it, they did, at least one of them, whom I stabbed with the knife Gabriel gave me, that made the other two run away, judging that the police didn't arrest me that day, that his friends didn't go to the police"
For the first time in my life I feel like I was actually blind, I remembered how fast I was to jump into conclusions, I didn't even ask Isaac about anything. Maybe his pants were down, maybe he had a condom on his dick, but I just didn't think of that. I didn't know what else to say really, I just took off my mask and was about to cry as I said untying her while seeing the shock on her face "you have the right to report me to the police and tell them who I really am, and don't, ask me questions because I don't think I can answer anything"
She just walked with me in fear and calmness while I saw Isaac standing by his car, he was about to speak but I said "don't say anything just drive us back to where I left my motorcycle"
You know when you're with someone you know and you just had a fight and the only way back home is by going to home together so, you're just sitting in silence thinking, they're probably thinking what I'm thinking right now, and they just don't want to talk about it, but I want to talk about it, but what if they don't reply, that makes them winners because they didn't share back their thoughts.
And I was just thinking too much, and right as we got home, no one said anything, and she closed her door, and here I am writing to you the end of my life and everything, now that she knows the secret. I will write her a piece of paper, because I need to go finish what started.
In that piece of paper I will write "I didn't run, I am just going after the pigs who did this to you to finish this first, you have the right to expose me whenever you want, but before you do, the notebook under this piece of paper is your explanation because I can't explain how or why. You have enough money to last you three months which is much more than the time I will actually be away in. You have the right to kill me. but at least let me finish this before doing anything, I wish I had pistols but I don't so in the meantime always have a knife in hand and don't open the door to people you don't know"
I guess this time I might never see you again Mr. Notebook.