Find Me / Save Me (Bucky x Reader)

Three

I finally get home, close the door behind me and sink to the floor. I let the realization and my emotions finally hit me. He's leaving. To war. A slow and steady sob starts that I can't seem to control.

He's one of my best friends, leaving to a war far away. A dangerous place he may never come back from. And I have never told him how I feel. I'm starting to think I won't ever get that chance, that I'm fooling myself to think he would ever think of me the same way.

Bucky has so many girls wrapped around his fingers. He's always had them wrapped around his fingers with just one wink. I never be one of those girls.

A loud knock startles me from my thoughts. "(Y/N). Open the door. Come on... talk to me." Bucky. My heart pounds against my chest. I pick myself up off the floor and try to wipe the tears from my face as best I can.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I open the door slowly.

"Buck..." I say, surprised to see him out of breath. I open the door wide and move to the side so he can come in. Taking a seat on the couch he tries to catch his breath.

"You're too fast for me (Y/N). I tried to run after you, but man you're fast. Got into a cab before I could reach you" he said passing his hand through his hair.

Taking a seat next to him, you hold back a chuckle, "so you decided to run all the way over here instead?"

"No. I just... (Y/N) the way you left. You didn't even give me a chance to talk to you about it. I know I can't leave it like this. I can't leave knowing you're upset." He places a hand on my cheek, using his thumb to remove a stray tear left on my cheek.

I lean into his hand instinctively, without even a thought. "Bucky..." I barely whisper, too lost in my head to know what else to say.

"(Y/N) everything will be ok. I'll be back before you know it. I'm just going to kick some Nazi's in the ass and then come home. You'll see." He lifts my chin so I can see his face, the serious promise in his eyes.

"Buck I... I hate this." I say looking at my hands on my lap, trying not to break down. Trying not to act the fool and let him know why I really hate this. I hate this so bad.

"Don't shut me out (Y/N), I need to know you're going to be okay. I need that peace of mind before I leave tomorrow."

I'm not okay. I love you. You look up at him, tears starting to fall again. "Buck I'm not okay. I..."

"(Y/N) please.. I know this isn't easy. But it's something I need to do. For our country." He says as he takes me into a huge hug. "I need you to be strong. For yourself. For Steve. Watch out for each other while I'm gone. Can you do that for me?"

I pull away from the hug, wiping my eyes in the process. I need to be strong. How I wish I could be stronger.

"Yeah Buck. I can do that." I hold back my feelings for him, feelings I was this close to spit out.

"That's my girl." He says a smile on his face. But his eyes show a glimmer of sadness in them.

His girl. If only I could be his girl in that sense. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it that way, but I will keep those words in my heart till he comes back.

"Promise me you'll come back to me in one piece Barnes. Promise me."

"I promise." He stands up and gives me a kiss on my forehead. "I'll write to you. Tell you about everything. And I'll come home in one piece. You have my word (Y/N)."

"Then I'll be ok." You sigh. You look at his gaze and decide it's best to say goodbye before you break down and make a fool of yourself.

"I'll miss you Buck. I'll be waiting for you." You hug him fiercely, taking in his scent, his warmth. Engraving it in your brain, so that you have something to keep you sane till his return.

"I'll miss you too."

"Goodbye Buck."

"I'll see you soon (Y/N)."

-.-.-.-

Bucky's POV

Damn she's fast. I finally find myself at her door. My heart races, breath quickens. Can I tell her how I really feel? I don't know if I can take it if she rejects me. As I try to compose myself before knocking, I hear a faint sound. I put my ear to her door to try and see what it could be and I realize its crying. She's crying.

I knock on the door, the need to comfort her taking over me. "(Y/N). Open the door. Come on... talk to me." I plead.

She opens the door slowly and when she sees me she says my name. The pain in her eyes crushes me on the inside. I walk in and take a seat on her couch trying to hold back from taking her in my arms and doing everything in my power to take the hurt away. I say the first thing that I can think of.

"You're too fast for me (Y/N). I tried to run after you, but man you're fast. Got into a cab before I could reach you."

"So you decided to run all the way over here instead?" I can see a faint chuckle and smile form on her lips. Those lips. Focus Barnes. Focus.

"No. I just... (Y/N) the way you left. You didn't even give me a chance to talk to you about it. I know I can't leave it like this. I can't leave knowing you're upset." I dare to let myself place my hand on her cheek. I swipe away at a tear. I don't like seeing her cry.

She leans into my touch and my heart catches, my senses practically explode when she whispers my name. How I want to hear that name from your lips in so many different ways.

I fight the urge to pull her closer to me, I settle for raising her chin to look at me while I talk.

"(Y/N) everything will be ok. I'll be back before you know it. I'm just going to kick some Nazi's in the ass and then come home. You'll see." I'll be in your arms and tell you everything, I won't hold back.

"Buck I... I hate this." She says, breaking our eye contact to look down at her hands. I feel like I need to keep her close, to hold her. But my mind won't let my heart act.

"Don't shut me out (Y/N), I need to know you're going to be okay. I need that peace of mind before I leave tomorrow."

"Buck I'm not okay. I..." hearing those words escape her lips were a punch to the gut. I don't want to her her. I need her to understand that. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her. But my mind won't listen to my heart.

"(Y/N) please.. I know this isn't easy. But it's something I need to do. For our country." I find myself saying instead, I at least get the courage to pull her into a hug. Her smell intoxicating me. "I need you to be strong. For yourself. For Steve. Watch out for each other while I'm gone. Can you do that for me?" I need you to be safe. Please.

"Yeah Buck. I can do that." She says as she pulls away from my hug too quickly for my liking.

"That's my girl." I blurt out. My girl. That's exactly what she is. My heart knows it. Does she?

"Promise me you'll come back to me in one piece Barnes. Promise me." She looks at me pleadingly.

"I promise." I stand up, trying to hold back from kissing her right there and then, I settle by giving her a kiss on her forehead. Taking in her sweet perfume. "I'll write to you. Tell you about everything. And I'll come home in one piece. You have my word (Y/N)."

"Then I'll be ok." That's my girl. My strong, gorgeous girl.

"I'll miss you Buck. I'll be waiting for you." She takes me in for a hug, and I can't help but hold her tight. Trying to stretch this moment out forever. But eventually she pulls away.

"I'll miss you too." I say, sad to no longer be holding her.

"Goodbye Buck." Those words seem too final. They're not right.

"I'll see you soon (Y/N)." I decide to say instead. Better.