Find Me / Save Me (Bucky x Reader)

Twenty

Bucky's POV

As Steve left, I find myself lost in thought. I know Steve. I know (Y/N). But I'm still confused how I got here. How all of this happened. My mind was confused, the flashes of memories I got when (Y/N) kissed me have subsided. I don't understand most of the memories. All I understand is a deep connection to them. With Steve and (Y/N).

I feel guilt and regret, but a part of me, a part I don't want to admit to feels like I was doing what I was told. I was told I was working for the greater good. Wasn't I? I still don't trust myself or my memories.

I get up from the couch and start walking throughout the room. Inspecting everything closely. Approaching the nightstand next to the bed, I find a picture frame. Bringing it up closer for inspection I see it's a picture of (Y/N), Steve and myself.

I suddenly get a flash of the memory. We had just finished another mission, the picture was taken as we were arriving back at camp, smiling and laughing at each other.

Shaking my head, I am back in the bedroom with the picture frame still in my hand. We were happy. Did I destroy that happiness? What did I do?

Walking to another side of the room, I scan a bookshelf. So many books. Next to the bookshelf I find a record player. It feels like something I've seen before. I turn it on, placing the needle on the record. A soft tune starts to play. I know this song...

The memory causes my head to throb as it flashes before me. I look young, niave and happy. She looks beautiful, like an angel. We're dancing slowly, our bodies close.

"When this is all over, I want to go back home with you (Y/N). I want to marry you. Make you my wife. Have a ton of kids, maybe a dog. Grow old together. Everything. I want it all with you." I say looking into her eyes.

"Buck.." she responds lovingly.

"Will you have me angel? Will you marry me? Make me the happiest man in the world?" I search her eyes for an answer.

"I would love nothing more than to marry you James Buchanan Barnes. To grow old with you. Be with you, till the end of the line." She answers, love radiating in her words. "I'm yours. Forever."

I fall to my knees, grasping my throbbing head in my hands. The memory seems so real, so strong. I feel moisture on my hands. I'm crying.

I bring my hands down from my head, so they come into my view. What have I done? How could I?

Something in me snaps, I don't understand the reaction, whether it was from Bucky or the Winter Soldier. I punch the wall next to the record player, causing a huge hole in the wall to appear. I just stand there, looking at the hole, blankly. I stay in that spot, unmoving.

-.-.-.-

Steve's POV

"Tony." I find him in his lab. Sitting by the window, looking outside. At his name he turns to face me, his eyes red and gaze piercing.

"I thought she was your friend." Tony shot at me; anger evident in his words. "She is." I reply stepping closer to him. "So you just leave her to die? For what? A broken half man half cyborg? Who is he that he can replace her?!" He practically screams the last part, rising up from his chair.

"He's our friend. He's her fiancé. The love of her life. She pushed us out of that helicarrier, she did that. I would have never left her behind." I stand my ground, looking at him in the eyes.

"Wait what? I knew (Y/N). She lived here. She's never even gone on a stupid date! Now you're telling me she has a fiancé? I'm not biting Cap. I call bullshit." He nears me, poking his fingers into my chest.