Find Me / Save Me (Bucky x Reader)

Twenty-Three

Pain has become a constant friend. I'm at the point where I welcome it with open arms. It reminds me that I am still alive. I need to be alive, I need to find a way out of here and go home. To my family. Do they really think I'm dead? Probably. They wouldn't leave me here to rot. Not if they knew.

I push them out of my mind. I can't afford to break down, not here, not now. Strucker is ever present. He continues to torture me with the electric shocks, but has added new methods of pain. Knife wounds have become his new favorite. They'll stab me in a new part of my body, let me bleed out till the point of blacking out. Then I wake, wound stitched up, weak as ever when the volts starts again.

It goes on like this forever. I don't see a moment of peace or rest. I'm weak. I can feel it in my bones. I look down at my body, noticing the tears in my suit which is no longer white but crimson red. I don't know how much more of this my body can take. I know the only reason I am alive is the fact that the serum is running through me, otherwise I would've died long ago.

The sound of the door opening makes me flinch involuntarily. I hate my action, it shows weakness.

"Are you broken yet my angel?" Strucker says as he approached me. The way he said angel making my stomach turn. "I'm not your angel."

"Oh. But you will be." Strucker motions at a guard by the door. The guard steps out and comes in with a young woman, he practically pushes her into the room.

"Come my dear, don't be shy..." Strucker motions for the young woman, talking almost sickly sweet. She tentatively walks closer to him, her eyes darting throughout the room. Once in front of me she looks at me with wide eyes. I can't seem to understand the emotion behind her eyes, it looks like understanding and fear all mixed together. Strucker whispers something into her ear, his touch on her shoulder causing her to jump slightly. Whatever he tells her causes her to look away for a second. But once her eyes return to face my own their glowing bright red, all understanding and fear washed from them. Her eyes only show hate and anger.

Red wisps begin to form from her hands, dancing in her palms. She starts to slowly approach me. I involuntarily hold my breath. An instinctual desire to flee rises in me and I automatically pull against my restraints, causing them to further dig into my skin. I can feel the warm blood begin to fall from the newly damaged skin. As she finally stands mere inches from me, I brace for the worst.

-.-.-.-

I'm home. Not the Avengers Tower, but my old apartment in Brooklynn. I look down expecting to see myself crimson and torn. But I'm not even in my suit. I'm in a soft blue dress. I do a small twirl and feel as the skirts lift a bit, softly and sweetly. What is this? This feels real.

A soft breeze blows in through an open window, the curtains lift slightly. Smells like it's going to rain. The noise outside the window is the regular hustle and bustle of the city. I walk towards the window, daring myself to break this dream, seeing it's not real. But as I glance out the window I see my neighborhood, familiar in sound, color and smell. I come back into my apartment, scanning my home for any differences. I find none.

All of a sudden I hear a key on the lock, the door opens and I find myself staring at him. James. My James. He's not the Winder Soldier. He's not Sargent Barnes. He's just James Buchanan Barnes, the man I grew up with, the man I love.

"Hey darling." He says as he closes the door. I can't even talk. "How are my two favorite ladies doing?" He says with a huge grin, coming up and giving you a peck on the lips. Two favorite ladies?

"Daddy!!!!" I turn to the sound and find a small little girl running into Bucky's frame. She looks just like him, she has his eyes, his smile. What is this?

"Hey princess!" Bucky says scooping her up, taking her in for a big hug. He looks good as a dad. I always thought he would be a good father.

I stand there, unmoving, not wanting to break the dream. I wanted it to be real. Bucky glances my way and pulls me into the hug, so the three of us are embracing. It feels warm, it feels like home. I sigh into the hug, allowing myself this comfort. A knock on the door cuts off the hug, and Bucky still hoisting the little girl in his arms, goes to open the door. I see Steve, my Steve, not Captain America at the door. "Unki Stevie!!!" The little girl laughs at the site of Steve and throws herself from Bucky's arms onto his. Steve's warm laugh fills the room as he hugs her back.

The more time I spend here. The more time I relax. I want this. This is the life I had always envisioned. I give into it.

Running up to Steve I give him a huge hug. His warm smile shows no trace of hardship or sorrow which I had grown accustomed to seeing lately. I grab both men by the hand and sit them down at the small dinner table. As if by second nature I run into the kitchen to whip us up a meal.

I hear their laughs as I cook, a soft comforting sound I never knew I needed. As I finish making the meal I feel warm hands surround my waist, hugging me from behind. "Smells delicious doll." Bucky says, placing a soft kiss on my neck. I relish the touch, melting into it. He lets my waist go, dropping a small kiss on my cheek before heading back to the table. As I bring out the meal I watch as all three sets of eyes on the table widen and smile. Setting down the meal, Bucky grabs my waist pulling me to his lap and taking me in for a big kiss. My heart bursts, and I hear chuckles from the little girl and Steve. Playfully slapping Bucky's shoulder I go and take my seat, serving out the meal for everyone.

They start eating, talking, and laughing. It feels perfect. This is what I had always wanted. I let myself enjoy it. Believe it.

Then all of a sudden the door is blown in. The little girl starts to scream at the sudden interruption. I feel Bucky grab and pull at me, pushing me behind him. I take the little girl in my hands, shielding her with my body. Bucky and Steve standing protectively in front of us. Bullets start spraying into the room, taking Steve and Bucky down immediately. I hear myself scream out their names as I hold onto the girl tighter. Then I see him. The Winter Soldier. He walks past the bodies, towards me. He rips the little girl from my hands, I scream and try to fight back. I try to get her back. He easily grabs my neck with his metal arm, crushing my windpipe, suffocating me. Pulling me in so that our faces are only inches apart, he whispers into my ear, "You will never have happiness." And with that he breaks my neck and the world goes black.

-.-.-.-

I scream as I come to. My body pushing against the chains. Tears falling from my eyes and sobs escaping my lips. I sag in my chains, everything taken from me. I feel nothing. I want nothing. I am nothing. I will never find happiness.

"Now my angel... the real work can begin..."