Find Me / Save Me (Bucky x Reader)

Twenty-One

Bucky's POV

Tony's words from yesterday still ring in my ears. I deserved all the hate, all the anger. After what I have done in my lifetime, I don't deserve to be helped. I'm not worth it.

I spent the night in (Y/N)'s room at Steve's instance. I spent the night wrapped in her sheets, her smell still lingering on them. The whole night was spent having memories of (Y/N) slowly return. Her smile. Her eyes staring at me. Her laugh as we joked till the late-night hours.

The memories felt warm, soft, and tender. But then I would stop short. I would see myself choking her, tears falling from her eyes. Her eyes glossing over. I see myself shooting her, watching her fall into Steve's arms. I see the knife. I can't take it anymore in the room.

I run out in a cold sweat. I find myself at the bar area where I had been yesterday. Taking a seat on a bar stool, I try to regulate my erratic breathing. Trying to calm my thoughts.

"Can't sleep?" I jump up at the voice. Steve was standing a few feet away.

"No."

"Want to talk about it?" Steve takes a seat next to me, gently placing a hand on my shoulder. I don't deserve this kindness, even from him.

"I'm starting to remember her more; I'm getting all these memories flashing in my head. She was home to me. She was everything. And I hurt her, so many times. She's gone. And it's my fault." I find myself burying my head in my hands, the honesty in the words torturing me.

"It's not your fault. When we thought you had died... I did the same thing. I blamed myself. I had failed you, failed her. But she didn't let me. And I won't let you do the same to yourself Bucky. You didn't know what you were doing. You were being used by Hydra." After a small silence Steve continued. "(Y/N) knew you were still in there, that we could free you from their grip. She trusted all of us and gave her life so we could have that chance. So you could have that chance Buck."

"I don't think I'm worth all of this Steve. I've done so many things, hurt so many people. I'm a monster."

"Not to me, not to (Y/N)."

I sigh, shaking my head knowing I would never be able to convince him I'm not worth the trouble.

"If she saw something in you terminator, then I know she's right. While I'd hate to admit it. But I trust her." I snap my head up to see Tony entering the bar. Shock must've been written all over my face, because as he pours his drink he smirks my way. "Look. You aren't my favorite person, and I don't think you ever will be. But (Y/N) was family. If she can see beyond what Hydra put in you, I have to honor her and do the same. Even if I don't trust you."

My head hangs in shame. I don't deserve this.

"Thank you, Tony." I heard Steve say.

"Don't thank me yet. Trying to fix your friend here isn't going to be easy, or pretty. It's going to take some time." Tony replies, bringing a glass to his lips.

I think about (Y/N). The sacrifice she made. For me. I'll do anything to make her sacrifice worth it. "Whatever it takes. For (Y/N). I'll do it." I look between Steve and Tony as I say these words.

"No time like the present. JARVIS prep the lab. I got a lot of work to do..." With those words Tony leaves the bar, headed for what I can only imagine to be his lab.

Steve walked me back to (Y/N)'s room. "JARVIS will let you know when Tony needs you. I have something to do..."

"What?" I say absentmindedly entering the room.

"We're finishing what we started. We're taking all the remaining Hydra bases down." Steve said as he turned to walk out of the room. I immediately grab his forearm.