Find Me / Save Me (Bucky x Reader)

Twenty-Seven

It feels warm and bright. Must be morning. I scrunch my eyes and nose, trying to keep the light out. My head was splitting, I just wanted to keep sleeping. It was too late now. I could feel myself slowly wake, internally cursing the sun for deciding to shine right now. Giving in I slowly opened my eyes, instantly regretting it as it sent a pulse of pain to my head. Groaning I rub my temples with my thumbs.

"Morning kid."

I opened my eyes again to see Tony sitting next to my bed. "Hey..." I give him a slight smile.

"You really scared us kid. Scared the hell out of me. If I knew you were going to do the stupid shit you did, I would've never sent you your gear." His face look tired, worse than when he was working on a project.

"You look like shit."

"Well when Tinkerbell decides she wants to fly off the tower without wings... yeah it can cause us to lose sleep."

My head pulsed and ached at his words, I groaned and winced at the pain instinctively rubbing my head with my fingers. I could hear Tony rise from his seat and run up to my side, his hand on my arm. Slowly the ache dulled and subsided. I looked up to Tony, "What's wrong with me Tony? My head feels like it's splitting in two."

"We're going to figure that out. Bruce and I are going to work on that. You," he said poking my chest "are going to relax and recover. We almost lost you a couple of times. I can't have that. I don't need to keep seeing bionic arm man brooding in every corner."

It takes me a moment, and then I realize who Tony is talking about. "Bucky?! Where is he? Is he ok?"

"If by okay, you mean I had to practically drag him out of this room to go take a god damn shower, then yes, brooding man is okay."

Taking my hands to massage my temples again I say, "Everything is so fuzzy..."

"You've been through a lot... but we will help you figure everything out. You're back home (Y/N), we will take care of you. Just promise me you'll let us help." He was practically begging. I instantly felt responsible for his current state. Shame washed over me.

All of a sudden the door opened loudly, causing my attention to drift to the door. James Buchanan Barnes, my Bucky, was standing at its entrance, his hair soaking wet and looking out of breath. My first thought was to chuckle, but that was stopped short when I was able to take in his face. He looked even worse than Tony, like he had suffered so much.

"Ah speaking of the brooding bionic man!! Did you have a run in with a rain cloud?"

Bucky glared at Tony, "You told me you'd call me if she woke up. I had to hear it from JARVIS." His words came out between breaths, as if he had run from far to get here.

"Well if you heard it from JARVIS then you heard it from me rain cloud! Who do you think created JARVIS?" Tony walked up to Bucky, slapping his back. "Welp! I'm tapping out. You're it!" With that Tony walked right out of the room, just glancing back one last time at me with a tired look on his face. A silence then fell upon the room. I could feel my heartbeat loud in my chest.

I found myself feeling silly, not knowing what to say. I wondered if he felt the same way. Deciding to break the silence I spoke. "Hey."

His eyes had not left mine throughout the whole silence, upon hearing my words his gaze softened a bit and a small smile formed on his lips. "Hey doll..." He approached the bed slowly, stopping a feet or two away from the bed.

I tried to sit up in bed, but immediately let out a groan of pain at the act. In an instant he was by my side, his arms helping me sit up right. Glancing at his face I can see he looks lost in his thoughts. I took a moment to study his features, he looked worn out from lack of sleep. His face was etched with worries.

I placed my hand on his face, it felt like ages since I was able to do this.

"You look like yourself again... You're eyes. They're back." I can feel him lean into my touch, letting out a breath of relief.

"So are yours. I'm so sorry (Y/N). For everything. All of this happened because of me. I'm not worth it doll." He placed a hand on my face as he spoke. I could feel his doubt, his uncertainty.

"You are worth everything to me James Buchanan Barnes. I would do anything for you. I would die for you."

He stayed silent for a while. All we did was stare into each other's eyes. I could see he was struggling with my words. He wanted to accept them, but I could tell he was fighting it.

"I can't lose you (Y/N). I finally remember everything; I know who I am. But now I am scared, scared to lose you."

"You won't."

"I almost did doll. We almost lost you a couple of times. But none of this would have happened, you would've never been in this situation if..."

I place my hand on his lips, stopping him from continuing. "I did what I had to do James. To make sure you were okay. Please understand that it was my choice, not yours. You didn't have a choice."

I can see his frustration mount; he wants to argue with me. I know he wants me to understand his point of view. But I won't allow it. "You got through to me last night, when my mind wasn't my own. You talked me down from a ledge. You saved me Buck. You did that."

Letting the words sink in he finally gave up. But I saw a new look appear on his face, one of sadness. "Why did you do it doll?"

"Do what?"

"Why did you stand on the ledge? You scared the hell out of me..." He took a seat on the side of my bed, his hand caressing my face softly.

"I honestly don't know... Something is wrong with me Buck. My head feels like it's constantly being torn apart, and I don't understand why." I can feel my frustration grow as I try to focus on the pain. It intensifies and I wince at the pain.

He looked worried at my pain, at my struggle and frustration. He brought his temple to my own. I breathed him in, the familiar scent of spearmint, the woods and rain filled my senses. I let out an involuntary sigh. It felt so good, so reminiscent of our past lives.

He spoke softly, never moving from our position. "We will figure it out. Together."

I feel my heart flutter at his words. I never knew how badly I needed to hear them, until they were spoken. "Together. Forever Buck... It has always been forever for me." I opened my eyes to find his staring at me from between his lashes, softly and sweetly.

His breath slowed and spoke in a whisper. "I'm not the same Bucky you fell in love with anymore doll. I'm a monster. I'll never be able to wash away what I've done. You might not want forever with this monster."

I take my hands to either side of his face, and slowly lift it so he's looking at me straight on. "I will take you any way you are James Buchanan Barnes. You made me a promise a lifetime ago, and I never forgot about it. I want you, your good, your bad, all of you. You aren't perfect. Neither am I. Time has changed us both. But if you still want me... I'll be yours forever. Till the end of the line Barnes... and then some."

"I'll always want you..."

"Then you have me. Don't make this more difficult than it has to be Buck..." I chuckle as I kiss him on the nose. He suddenly takes me in his arms, a vice like grip around my body. The embrace said it all. Forgiveness, acceptance, love, joy. It all came out.

Pulling me away from the hug, he cupped my face in his hand and whispered, "what did I do to deserve an angel of my own?" Before I could respond with a smart remark, he pulled me in, his lips crashing softly into mine. I was overwhelmed. The amount of love, passion, and relief in the kiss made me melt. It felt right. I only pulled back after a short while at the jolt of pain in my head, my hand immediately making its way to my temple.

"My head... Buck what's wrong with me head?"

I could tell he was worried. He pulled me into his chest softly, making sure I was comfortable. Slowly stroking my hair as if to soothe me. "We will figure it out." A smile came to his lips as he pulled me from his chest so I could see his face. "Together."