Find Me / Save Me (Bucky x Reader)

Thirty-Three

I jolted upright, a scream escaping my lips. I could immediately feel two sets of hands try to steady me.

"It's okay (Y/N), we got you." Steve. Focusing my vision I could see him to my right, looking to my left I found Bucky. His face was both worried and angry at the same time. I knew he must be angry with me, but it was important. I had gotten something that could help us.

"Don't be angry at me. I had to do it." My words brough him no relief, that much was evident in his face. He remained silent, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Steve, we need to call the team together, I think I got something to find Ultron." Steve nodded, glancing at Bucky quickly before leaving the room.

"Buck..."

"No. You don't get to talk right now." I can see a steely determination in his eyes, as if he is trying to get something off his chest that has been weighing him down for some time. I nodded and allowed him to continue.

"Do you know what you mean to me angel?"

I was a bit taken aback from the topic of conversation. I had thought he was going to argue with me. "The same thing you mean to me Sarg."

"Then why do you keep torturing me doll? You're killing me..." I could see the deep emotion in his eyes, dark with all these thoughts circling in them.

"Buck I'm not doing anything to torture you..." I felt hurt to think he would even think that.

"Yes, you are. You are my life (Y/N). All these years I was lost, my mind a complete blank. But there were fragments, flashes of one thing that always kept me going. I never understood it, I didn't recognize it. But it was thoughts of you. It's always been you." He took his hands to grip my face, forcing me to see nothing but his endless oceans.

"And then finally when you found me, freed me from the grip they placed in my head... you did it by letting me drive a knife into you. I thought I had killed you, with my own hands. I thought I lost you. I could barely live with myself doll. I don't think I could've until we found out you were alive. That gave me purpose. To save you..."

"Buck..."

He looked at me firmly as if letting me know he wasn't finished. "When we found you, I felt alive again. Like I could breathe again. Only to have the horror of almost watching you die. I can't lose you. You are everything to me, the only good part of me left. If I were to lose you..." I could see his dark thoughts in his eyes. As if I could read his thoughts.

"You have more good in you than you think James. You are not what they did to you, what they turned you into. I need you to understand that. You are my life too, and when I thought I lost you all those years ago... I almost lost myself. But there are people who love us and care for us James. We are never alone. Whether it was 70 years ago or today. You are my life, my love. But we have people who are counting on us, our family. We have a responsibility to them as well. We have a responsibility to the world. I'm not planning on going anywhere Buck, and I don't plan for you to go anywhere either. It's till the end of the line sir. But we have a duty to do what we must, even if it's painful. You can't expect me to not help Buck. Especially if I can."

I gave him a small reassuring smile. He had poured out his worries out, and I did the same. There were no more secret worries, no more hidden emotions. He softened his gaze, I knew he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders, as if my words brought him peace.

His thumb caressed my cheek softly as he spoke softly. "I never wanted this life for us. I wanted us to grow old in a home, surrounded by kids and friends."

"I know. Neither did I. It was taken from us... But it doesn't mean we can't have it one day." I let my lips softly kiss him, making a promise there and then that I would let us have that. One day.