Find Me / Save Me (Bucky x Reader)

Thirty-One

A/N: This chapter is a little longer than my usual one's. But it felt like all of this needed to be together in one chapter. I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think!

I could feel the sun on my face, I tried to escape the rays but felt I couldn't move. Squinting my eyes open I found the reason why. Bucky was in bed next to me, his arms wrapped firmly against my waist. His hair falling over his face, as soft snores escape him.

The last time we were this close was the morning before our last mission together. Before I thought I had lost him forever. It feels like just yesterday, though I know it is another lifetime away.

Softly, as to not wake him, I take a hand and brush the hair from his face. Staring, I take in every feature. He's let his stubble grow in, something he never used to do back in the day. But it complements his jaw, I absentmindedly trace his jaw with my fingers. I let my fingers glide down his neck, to his shoulder. To the part where mangled flesh meets metal. I run my fingers softly through the scarred tissue.

How I wish I could take back all they did to you. So you wouldn't have experienced all this pain. I could feel my eyes water at my thoughts. I wasn't there for him all those years ago. I wasn't here for his recovery now. I wasn't worthy to be in his embrace, to hold him this close. I slowly remove my hand from his shoulder and try to slink away from his grip.

"Doll?" I feel his grip around my waist tighten and metal hand shift to bring my face to face him. Worry was written all over his face.

"I'm so sorry Bucky. I should've looked for you. I should've been there. I should've gone after you. I'm so sorry..." Guilt washes over me, small tears falling from my eyes.

"Hey, hey... why are you saying sorry? Nothing is your fault doll." His thumb moves to wipe away my falling tears.

"You've suffered so much... and I wasn't there for you then. I wasn't there for your recovery now. I've failed you so many times Buck. How can you even stand to look at me?" My head pounds at this sudden wave of emotion, causing me to shut my eyes. I hope it plays off as me being emotional, so he won't notice.

"You freed me from myself, from the monster inside me. You've always been there for me (Y/N). Deep down I know that. I always carried you with me, even if I didn't know it myself." He pulled me in closer, my face tucked right under his chin. I could hear his heart beating, soft and slow.

"Buck..." I wanted to argue, to tell him to let me go. But I couldn't fight his embrace, the emotions from the simple action his touch gave me.

"No more of this talk doll. We have a long day ahead of us..."

"We do?"

"I have training. You are going to go in for your check in with Bruce. Plus there's that stupid party Tony is throwing tonight."

I had completely forgotten about that. I had said it would be a good idea, but now I wasn't quite feeling it anymore. "I don't know about the party Buck..."

He sat up and helped me to a sitting position as well. "I think it'll be a good idea. I haven't danced with my girl in a long time." He flashed a killer smile at me, almost making me forget everything I had just said.

It had been a long time since our last dance... right before I lost him. Shaking my head, I faked a small smile. "Then I guess I'll have to save you a dance."

He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "As if I'd let you dance with anyone else." He smirked as he got up off the bed and walked into the connecting bathroom, leaving me to my troubled thoughts.

-.-.-.-

After my check up with Bruce I was heading to my room when I got intercepted by Nat.

"Oh no! You're coming with me." She practically dragged me away from my room and led me to the elevator.