𝖍𝖝𝖍 𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖘

Illumi lets Reader know how he feels about her

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Author: LazyPerfectionist(on ao3)

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Evenings on the manor were quiet and dare-you-say-it, comfortable. Despite being lonely and resentful when you first arrived at the estate, dressed up in frilly clothing and sold to the family as the pretty doll you were, you had come to a sort of peace with the life before you.

You knew your husband was in some way fond of you, but his restricted affect and avoidance of intimacy often left you wondering and wanting. He was also gone frequently for missions, in the name of upholding the family's business, and you had to occupy yourself. There were very few others on the estate you could speak to - you were afraid of Kikyo due to her volatility of emotion (if only she had imparted some of that expressiveness to her son), Silva was frankly quite intimidating, and Milluki was the only remaining son still on the manor and had absolutely no interest in you once he realized how awful you were at video games. Sometimes you played chess with Zeno, but even he seemed to keep his distance at times.

You'd come to realize that the Zoldycks ran their family like a business, with clients over kindnesses, strict hierarchy and absolutely no room for error. You learned that while Illumi Zoldyck was the eldest, he was in no place to inherit anything his family had built, despite having dedicated his childhood and possibly the very essence of his being to it. It was somewhat depressing to know that the person who was slated to reap all of his efforts, the golden child, wanted no part of it. You wished they would give up trying to convince him, but no matter what you whispered to your spouse in the small span of minutes after you were in his arms, where he was the most receptive to your ideas, he'd shrug it off.

This night was no different.

"What will happen if Killua does decide to come back?"

"He will come back. I will support him if needed," Illumi replied, staring at the ceiling as you lay together, appearing genuinely convinced of this himself. You were not so sure.

Another concern of yours was that the line of succession you had noticed did not seem to involve any siblings. Zeno didn't appear to have any brothers or sisters, neither did Silva. You wondered what happened to the non-successors, if there were any. Did they just disappear? Were they cast out?

"What if he wants to do it himself? Create a whole family without any interference, like your father did?"

Illumi now turned to you, his large, dark eyes set on your obviously anxious visage.

"Then I will leave and watch from afar," he replied, simply.

But where would he go? Kukuroo Mountain was all he knew. There was very little in the outside world he understood; he only frequented the outside world on orders, and even with that, his task was the uncomplicated process of removal or destruction of an unfitting element. He knew nothing of how to build or to nurture, he had never seen it or experienced it himself. He only knew how to control.

"Will that be enough for you?"

This last question was bold of you to say, and you held your breath as you monitored his reaction. The few times you had crossed the line before, he had withdrawn into himself even more, and you had felt lonelier than ever. It was a silent threat to stop trying to get to know him. The deepest recesses of his mind, you would never be privy to, and you had to accept that.

Instead, he pulled you closer to him and rested his chin on the top of your head. You were so starved of his affections, of non-sexual touch, that the simple gesture brought tears to your eyes.

"If you're with me, I don't need anything else."