𝖍𝖝𝖍 𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖘

Unsaid Kurapika

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Summary: No time for goodbyes

Not now, not anymore. I had a million and one chances before, but I'm out of time. If I had even just picked up the phone a single time then I know this wouldn't be the ending. Leorio would have convinced me to get help before I was too far gone. But that's why I never hit 'answer' because I knew he would save me. And I couldn't have that.

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Emperor's Time finally catches up to Kurapika and he just wishes he was back with Leorio, if not to live then to not die alone.

Author: scooter3scooter (on ao3)

angst :((

💼⛓

TW⚠ self harm & suicide

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First things first

We start the scene in reverse

Backpedaling from where I ran down the stairwell of your apartment, unslamming that door that hit you, taking back all those words ripped from my throat. Taking back all that pain I caused, all the hurt I never intended, all the lies I screamed because the truth hurts so much more. But if that's true then why are tears drip drip dripping down my face quicker than the words tore from my mouth at you?

All of the lines rehearsed

Disappeared from my mind

Yells of "why do you care?" and screams of "I have nothing to repent for!" and cries lies of "I don't need you, Leorio." How did such venom drip from my lips like honey straight from the comb? "Just stop." I told him even though that's the last thing I want. "I don't need your help." Yes I do, I do. I can't do this. I'm... dying. And I know he can't save me, not even a doctor in training has a chance at helping me. But part of me is envious of my Clanmates for dying together, not... not like me.

When things got loud

Both of us screamed at the top of our lungs. Even my eyes were the 'loudest' shade of red he had claimed to have ever seen. He always said it was glowing like an Exit sign. How fitting. Life loves to be painfully ironic like that. Like how it was a puppet of Pairo to steal my eyes, like how it was getting back identical eyes that made this all happen. That in trying to build a life worthy of living, a life I avenge my Clan, I gave away any chance of that happening. Every second I spent for them was another hour taken away from me. It was never an 'us' after my Clan was taken, just a me versus them. And I lose in every scenario.

One of us running out

It's me. It's always me running out, running away. I'm always the one with my back to him, always within sight but out of his gasp. His fingers grazing on my tabard but never enough to latch on, to keep me from escaping. In all our fights and screaming matches, it's never been him walking out on it, on us.

Even before Leorio I've always been the one to run away first. I always told myself I was running towards the fight, but really I'm just listening to my cowardice. I left my Clan, I ran away, only to come back and then leave again. Coming and going and yet I always seem to be doing more going.

I should've turned around

But I had too much pride

That's always my problem, isn't it? Pride? We almost did not even become friends because I was too prideful and immature to simply call him 'Mr. Leorio.' It wasn't cheeky, it was just stupid of me. Uppity. And then when all I had to do was repent, I chose to fight him during a deadly storm.